1. Gasoline
Powering up the DMX requires some sort of super-premium rocket fuel refined in Switzerland with flecks of gold mixed into it, and with the huge premium attached to buying gas in Cook County scraping together enough coin for a fill-up is harder than dubbing Nicholas Cage's movies into Cantonese. I wondered why he did all those triathlons, now I know it's because at $17.86 a mile he ain't going by car.
2. Pr0n
Still can't hide it from the lady of the house, still sending me to Keg & Cask for the latest copy of Inches.
3. The Torch
Wicked Lasers has come out with a new 4,100 lumen flashlight which is for the time being the brightest thing on the market, and god help us if Amstelboy gets ahold of one. The damn thing is so powerful the beam will light paper on fire, and the instruction video should have $@%&'ing Yoda in it for a beam that hot. The last thing we need is a remote detonation system for fireworks dropping into Amstelboy's hands, so he has absolutely got to be stopped from dropping $300 on one, blinding people and engulfing the north side in flames. To find out more there's an article on slashdot, and to see the insanity of this thing for yourself here's a video of The Torch being used to light a cigarette.
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