On Moneyball

To answer the question I keep being asked, no, I'm not excited about a movie coming out named Moneyball, despite the two giant moneyballs sitting in my living room (crappy State Fair prizes). Because I know what it's about.

Back when I first read Moneyball, I was in the middle of some kind of binge of books on sports and serial killers, two subjects which actually have a frightening amount of overlap. Both turned out to be largely about men so fixated on one idea they would go to any extreme to appease their demons, and I don't know if I'd prefer being locked in a room with a serial killer or with Mike Agassi and Peter Graf. However in this sea of vivid characters, Moneyball left me cold, for several reasons.

Twins 5-2 Red Sox, or Opening Day

I still remember my first Twins game a quarter of a century ago, in the blue embrace of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. I learned two truths that day: that Kent Hrbek was the greatest man alive, and that the New York Yankees were the pure distillation of evil. (I still tend to be a bit manichean in my sporting outlook.) I also learned that ice cream is somehow better when served in a baseball helmet. But even after a lot of years of fond memories of the Humptydome I was really looking forward to outdoor baseball, seats that faced home plate with unobstructed views and just in general not watching baseball in the air-conditioned corner of a football stadium. I'd been dying for a year to get a look inside the limestone walls of the new place, our first real baseball stadium in my lifetime (besides Midway Stadium). Still, thinking back to that first game I probably should have expected it, but I was surprised on opening day by how much I missed the old place.

After the yawning expanse of the Humptydome where on a clear day you could sort of make out Torri Hunter under the giant wall of folded up seats in the outfield, Target Field just feels really small. I used to wonder how in the hell Jim Thome and Justin Morneau could hit the upper deck in right field, but Jason Kubel's homer on opening day just seemed like it had no trouble clearing the wall. It will take a while to grow on me, this cozy little field with its beautiful facade and Minnesota fir trees in the outfield, but it's already seducing me with the promise of fresh air and ample bathrooms. It's a new experience going to a sporting event in Minnesota where nobody shouts "Shoulder to shoulder, squeeze in!" while I'm urinating (and nobody giving me odd looks for standing shoulder to shoulder when it's not crowded).

Tigers 6-2 Twins, Vikings 27-13 Lions

I don't think I would have been able to take two losses to Detroit in one day, so I'm so grateful for the Lions tackles forgetting how to block in the second half, especially with Favre looking like the old man he is. Although still not so bad as Delmon Young nodding off in left field and needing to take a moment to rub the sleep out of his eyes before he could get the ball back into the infield. It's like he was having this beautiful dream where blondes in bikinis were tossing their beachballs at him (which he still couldn't hit) and then he was jarred awake by the crack of a bat and a ball hitting his glove. I still can't believe we gave up Garza, Bartlett and a bullpen prospect for this guy (given the Twins excess of outfielders and utility infielders with soft bats, the other players in that trade don't really matter).

I may have seen my last baseball game in the Metrodome today; with only one more series left at home and the Twins down three games to the Tigers in the division race as they embark on a 10-game road trip I don't know if I'll get tickets again before Target Field opens next spring. I thought I'd feel a bit more sadness at that, since I really do have so many fond memories of those blue seats. On the other hand it was a dump with like six bathrooms and I'll be back next week for the Vikings home opener. Kind of a pathetic farewell though: usually it's the Lions that put people to sleep on Thanksgiving (if they played after the turkey was served coma wards would have to be expanded) but today it wa the 87 lame pick-off attempts and generally sleepy pace of the game actually killed all my drive to pop back into work for a few hours.

This is the first football season in a few years where I've had a fantasy football team that I actually care about, and I forgot how much it distorts the way I watch football. This week I really need Favre to throw underneath to his tight end, because if he goes deep to Berrian my exultation at the Vikings touchdown is muted by the knowledge that the Rode Duivels have been scored on too. I also still can't believe anybody drafted Calvin Johnson, a player I still associate most with the phrase "Wake up motherfucker, it's our ball!" But the important part is the Vikings are up 2-0, and my undefeated fantasy team is coming off a week two blow-out. I'm feeling luckier than that time I fucked a leprechaun.

Black Sox 1-0 Twins

At the end of a tight division race, the Twins needed to take two out of three at home against the Royals to clinch the division title over the floundering Sox. This would have put them in the play-offs when the team that usually knocks them out, the Yankees, are finally missing a series for the first time in over a decade. (Apparently Joe Torre wasn't the problem.) So of course... they lose the series to the Royals 2-1, and go into a play-off against Chicago. In a nasty tight pitcher's duel, Jim Thome caught one pitch left up by Nick Blackburn and scored the game's only run on a solo homer. The closest the Twins came to scoring was Michael Cuddyer testing Griffey's arm coming home from third on a shallow fly ball and then tackling A.J. Pierzynski at the plate. It took a perfect throw to beat Cuddyer to the plate, but it was fun to watch him try it, and even more fun to see him take out Pierzynski.

The '08 Twins took a long time to sort out fielding positions and give the kids a chance over the tired veterans Smith brought in last winter, and Gomez's inability to get on base combined with the disappearance of Cuddyer and Morneau's power really killed them, but they were still in it until game 163, and a pleasure to watch in the second half of this season. Unlike the Black Sox, who play ugly, look ugly, won ugly, and have an ugly-ass stadium.

Spiritual Guidance

A Midsummer Afternoon's Feverish Catnap

I just saw A Midsummer Night's Dream, and wow that was just #@*&'ing crazy. It took me a while to get into the spirit of it, but once I did that was absolutely hilarious. There's glam rock faeries swooping in and doing musical numbers in a variety of styles, the Mechanicals are actually funny, there's hot young people in their underwear and glam rock faeries swooping around in next to nothing, but what really drew me in was when I realized they were going to be able to add in their own flourishes and still actually respect Shakespeare's text and tell the story without the irreverant eyeroll that says "we're too zany sexy cool for this dried out Elizabethan prose... jazz hands on three!" that accompanies an adaptation as unrestrained as this one. And there are crazy painted glam rock faeries with feathers everywhere and glittery codpieces dropping down from the ceiling, it's crazy.

I don't often get to laugh as hard as I did at the Mechanicals' play at the end, and to just enjoy the whole energy coursing off of that bunch. And this is one thing I love about the new Guthrie, that you can have three completely different styles of art going at the same time and everyone just spills back out into the bars at intermission. Lou Bellamy and Penumbra are digging deep into American history and the human soul in Gem of the Ocean on one side, Joe Dowling and the Guthrie are blowing up a confetti factory on the other, and above it all there are French dancers stomping out their cigarettes in 3/4 time upstairs in the Studio. I love this place, I really do.

And now I'm off to the Twins-Red Sox game at the HumptyDome to take in a completely different style of performing art at what I'm now starting to think of as the fourth theater. And Midsummer put me in such a good mood that not even that stupid umpire from the Black Sox series finale who waited so long to call a strike on a 3-1 count that the batter headed to first and both runners moved up as everyone in the building thought it was a ball. Okay, let's be honest... that guy could still ruin my good mood. But if he's the home plate ump tonight I'm totally getting Oberon to come swooping out of the stands to verily smite his ass. Forsooth.

Minnesota sports fans: I have good news and bad news

The good news is for the first time since Corey Koskie left town the
Twins have a third baseman who looks reasonably competent in Mike Lamb,
and leaves only Johan Santana, Joe Nathan, the whole pitching order, and
center field unsettled. This infield looks like former MVP Justin
Morneau at 1B, Brendan Harris at 2B, Adam Everett at SS, and Mike Lamb
at 3B, with a lot more offensive output from the infield than the Twins
have had in years. Brian Buscher will push Lamb for a starting job at
third, while the two remaining super-quick guys who couldn't get on base
(Punto and Casilla) will be pretty good depth, and I have hope for
Buscher and Casilla to win starting jobs in the next year or two.
Personally I love lamb, so this news makes me hungry.

The bad news is Vikings strong safety Dwight Smith was picked up on
charges of misdemeanor possession and obstructing traffic, partaking of
the good herb while his car was double parked outside Schieks. I really
don't get this guy, last year he got suspended when the cops caught him
getting a hummer in a stairwell at a club, now he's capping off a night
at a strip club by smoking up in his car in the middle of 4th St? Can't
we get Dwight Smith some sort of pied-a-terre downtown for cakes and
weed if he doesn't want to go all the way home? I know rent is high,
but when our starting safety is risking suspension on the eve of the
critical Vikings-Bears game that will effectively eliminate one team
from the playoffs, getting a roof over his head when he's smoking up or
getting his pole smoked would be well worth it for the team and for
Vikings fans.

Sayonara, Rew Ford

The Twins have made some more moves which continue to tease exasperated
Twins fans who keep waiting for certain holes to be filled and for
certain axes to fall, and despite opening day being several months away,
I'm still getting anxious.

No word yet on Johan Santana's final resting place. He rejected $20m a
year for four years, wanting more years and more money, and he
apparently remains sure that somebody will offer both the money and the
prospects to make the Twins pull the trigger. Johan has narrowed down
his list of suitors to the Red Sox and the Yankees (and will not waive
his no-trade clause for anyone else), and the Red Sox offer to the Twins
I gather was... uninspiring. I don't know if the Yankees have anybody
to offer in a trade young enough for the Twins to want but replaceable
enough that the Yankees would part with them. Until we see what the
Twins get for Johan, it's hard to know what next year's team will look like.

But in the meantime, apparently none of the guys Twins fans were
thinking might fill the gap in center field will do so. Recent roster
cut Jason Tyner might have had the range to do so but had a horrible
year at the plate last year, and as I alluded to above last year's
back-up CF, Lew Ford, just signed a deal to play in Japan. Craig Monroe
will also not be considered as a starting center fielder, and with
Delmon Young and Michael Cuddyer in the corner infield spots, it looks
like there isn't a big right handed DH in the wings for the Twins since
one of our at least four corner infielders will be hitting in the DH
slot every game.

The Twins also signed another middle infielder who can't hit (Adam
Everett) so the ones we have wouldn't get lonely, but if Everett plays
shortstop and Brendan Harris stays at his preferred position at second
base, this puts Nick Punto, officially the worst hitter in baseball last
year, entirely off the field as a pinch runner and utility infielder
(he's fast, he just doesn't know how to get to first... or lay down a
bunt). This is good news, but I still don't know who's going to play
third, because Brian Buscher didn't blow anybody's skirt up when they
finally gave Punto the hook last year. Oh, first base is set... it
turns out Justin Morneau can really play.

So still no starting rotation, fingers crossed we still have a closer
and a left-handed reliever of some sort, no center fielder, or third
baseman, but we're still all set at catcher and first base. On the plus
side, no current Twins showed up on Senator Mitchell's long-awaited list
of players implicated in his steroid investigation, so nobody's
production is about to plummet without warning when they have to start
peeing in a cup. The one Twin rumored to be using steroids was already
slumping pretty hard, so maybe now that he dodged a bullet he'll
sacrifice his testes for the bullpen and get back on the performance
enhancing drugs.

The Big Twins-Rays Trade

Lest anybody get overexcited, a hedge fund has not in fact come up with a complex convergence trade involving Twins season ticket deposits and long positions on shares in Sunglass Hut equity (ticker symbol RAYS).  The Twins actually cut a deal with the Devil Rays, finally moving some of their stockpile of pitchers for somebody who can swing a bat now and again, and I thought the network of Twins fans amongst my vast readership should be informed.  Much like Gaul, the trade can be divided into three parts:  three swaps of shortstops, starters, and prospects:

1..  Shortstops

The shortstops are Jason Bartlett of the Twins, insanely quick with a lot of range on defense but really not hitting well at all, swapped with Brendan Harris, a utility infielder for the Rays who can at least add some more skill as a hitter to middle infield... the Twins already have an insanely quick second baseman who can't hit in Casilla, and utility infielder Nick Punto was officially the worst hitter in baseball last year.  So that's hopefully a little better in a line-up that really desperately needs power.  Or just OBA.  Or basically anything... somebody who could lay down a bunt would be an improvement.  Rumor has it Bartlett's moodiness and insecurity are what put him on the next train out of town (where he'll switch to the Capitol Limited and the Silver Meteor to get down to Tampa.. actually he'll probably just fly).  There is also the frightening possibility that Casilla, Punto, and Harris will play 2B, SS, and 3B, which would really be no upgrade at all.

2.  Starters

This is the core of the trade, straight hitting for pitching, as the Twins shipped out a starting pitcher, Matt Garza, something they may not be able to afford.  Pitching is hard to come by, and the Twins looked loaded, but if the terrifying change-up of Johan Santana finds its way to New York City (the town so nice they knocked us out of the playoffs twice), the slippery curve ball of Carlos Silva is boarding the Hope Train to Clark and Addison, and Francisco "Franchise" Liriano's wreck of an arm isn't healed, Matt Garza's going to be sorely missed.  Given the Twins general aversion to trading pitching, what justifies dumping Garza?  Last year Delmon Young finished second in rookie of the year voting, and next year he'll be the Twins left fielder.  Young is potentially a great hitter, the Twins outfield was pretty thin last year... they could have put a traffic cone out in left field and I wouldn't have noticed half the time.  The big needs going into the off-season were a third baseman who could hit, a left fielder who could hit, and a designated hitter, or just anybody who when so designated could actually hit the ball, and now that Torii Hunter has gone to be with the angels (technically he's with the Angels, but he's still dead to me) they need somebody to start in center field as well.  Young and Cuddyer at the corners are a good start, with the Jasons (Kubel and Tyner) and Craig Monroe for depth with somebody hopefully showing the range to play center field, if not in the style of Kirby Puckett and Torii Hunter.

3.  Prospects

So far it's all roses for the Twins, risky but probably good moves, but one more swap had to be made to complete the deal.  The Twins tried to throw in relief pitcher Juan Rincon, whose production declined rapidly once Major League Baseball started asking questions about steroids and Rincon had to clear a lot of creams and syringes out of his locker (allegedly), but the Rays were having none of it.  Instead, the Twins shipped out Eduardo Morlan, a reliever from the minors they were grooming to be a closer.  This is a problem because conventional wisdom has it the Twins closer, Joe Nathan, is likely to be traded and replaced by Pat Neshek's funky side-arm delivery, leaving the bullpen a little thinner.  On the other hand, local baseball aficionados speculate Morlan is a pitch short of the majors, so it may not be a big loss.  In return the Twins get AAA outfielder Jason Pridie, presumably so we can play an outfield of all guys named Jason as part of some kind of wacky promotional event.  Pridie isn't likely to start, but I'm all for picking up outfielders who can use a bat for something other than firewood, and in the absence of a credible DH, there's room for a lot of outfielders.

This still leaves some gaping holes, and with the uncertainty of the Twins pitching staff, the rotation looks like (in no particular order):

Kevin Slowey
BOOF
(some guy)
Scott Baker
(some other guy)

This is driving speculation that should Santana be traded (since he hasn't accepted a $20m a year contract extension) the Twins will demand a swap of starting pitchers as part of the deal.  Personally I hope he and Silva stick around and Liriano comes back to be a Venezuelan Three Musketeers and confuse the crap out of opposing batters.  If Santana's gone, it has to be for hitters, hopefully one to play third base or center field, and for god's sake somebody with some power to DH instead of using Jason Kubel or the back-up catcher (which led to the first time I've seen a pitcher hit in an American League game last year when Mike Redmond took a ball in the face and DH Joe Mauer had to put on his gear and move to catcher, and the pitchers had to hit the rest of the game... the Twins still won).  After losing Hometown Hero Torii Hunter for nothing, I assume the Twins will be trading Nathan and Santana this winter, and I will be there to rant about it.

Ligers 4 -3 Twins (gosh!)

Once again, the curse of Brad Radke struck the Twins, and their worst inning was the first, in which Johan Santana gave up all of the Tigers' runs.  A lot of Twins games I've been to recently have had this pattern where they blow the first inning and then win the next seven, but unfortunately still lose the game.  Crazy stuff continues to happen, providing entertainment, like in the seventh when the Twins hit into two double plays... with runners on first and second and one out, Jason Kubel hit into what should have been a 163 double play, but due to a high throw the Tigers missed getting Bartlett at second, and Kubel beat the throw to first.  Since the Tigers expected the double play to end the inning, nobody was paying attention to Nick Punto at second so he just came home.  Then Joe Mauer killed the rally hitting into another double play.  It's kind of rough having a guy who's whole raison d'etre is hitting ground balls over second base when the whole league has him figured out.  I had a good feeling when the dregs of the line-up were doing well, Punto had a couple hits and advanced a runner on a deep fly on his only out, and Luis Rodriguez hit a double for the power-challenged Twins, but it was not meant to be.  On the plus side, the polka room at Nye's was really hopping after the game.

W - Bazardo
L - Santana
SV - Jones

Indians 6 - 2 Twins

You know, you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa, in her ex-husband's dead-tech, post-modernistic bullshit house if you want to. But you DO NOT get to run on Michael Cuddyer's arm!*

The Twins got scored on early, and scored on late, but they won the middle seven innings and that's... nowhere near enough to win. When I showed up and Punto and Rodriguez were covering the middle infield with Heintz catching, I kind of figured they weren't bringing their A game anyways. I thought Heintz was down in Rochester, and Punto is actually, officially, the worst hitter in Major League Baseball this year hitting about .130 since the All-star break. Apparently the Twins manager wasn't the only one not taking this game seriously, after Labor Day and the State Fair and with the Twins out of contention, a midweek game at noon didn't draw much of a crowd, and a lot of them left after three innings to get back to the office. (When Torii Hunter got hit across the hands by Fausto Carmona it was quiet enough to hear him cry out in pain.)

Nevertheless the current Twins so curiously fun to watch, because there are always some unusual events to delight and mystify (there's a reason they have that magic show commercial with Cuddyer sawing Santana in half). In some sort of homage to Ozzie Guillen, Scott Baker hit two batters in the first inning and gave up three runs, and the Indians never relinquished the lead but also never put the game away until the 9th, keeping things interesting. Nick Blackburn came in to relieve Baker in the 6th while I puzzled over the roster asking myself "Who the fuck is #53?", and after Neshek took over for him in the 9th and let two inherited runners score, Blackburn got charged with the first two earned runs of his career (sorry pal, welcome to the Twins). Until the 9th, the Twins were still in it, but hit into four double plays (including a line drive right back into the pitcher's glove) and got no extra base hits, so despite the best efforts of Torii Hunter advancing two bases on a wild pitch, and even Punto and Rodriguez producing in the 5th (a single and a sac fly) the Twins couldn't get enough hits strung together to score more than two runs.

What has been fun about the Twins in recent years has been to watch them put a lot of smart, small plays together into a monster that chews up central division teams and pins pennants on the outfield wall. There are the piranhas nipping away at the bases to manufacture runs, but there has also been the little defensive plays that save an extra base here and there, catch runners in bad situations, and prevent runners from getting across the plate, all of which adds up and is a hell of a lot of fun to watch for anyone who loves the game of baseball. Today the play that stood out in my mind, that made me laugh out loud with delight, even though it didn't affect the outcome of the game, was in the top of the 5th. Baker gave up a lead-off single to Ryan Garko but followed it with a couple of strike-outs to reduce the margin for error to zero, but the Indians came back firing. Jason Michaels singled as well to put Garko in scoring position, and then Casey Blake hit the ball deep into the right field corner, 327 feet from home plate (~100m) and Garko came around third headed home. Unfortunately Michael Cuddyer picked the ball up and threw it towards home plate like he'd fired it from a gun, the cut-off man judged it was on target and wisely let it go, and catcher Chris Heintz scooped the ball up a couple feet wide of the plate with plenty of time to scuttle back across and tag out a bewildered Garko to end the inning and keep the tribe from scoring... and that is why you MAY NOT run on Michael Cuddyer's arm.

I laughed my ass off when Garko had to sheepishly trot back to the dugout. Before that in the 4th the Indians had two runners in scoring position when Grady Sizemore hit a ground ball to Luis Rodriguez who fielded it then popped back up, ball cocked to throw, and lightly hopping on his feet shot a glare at 2nd and 3rd to freeze the runners, before throwing to 1st in time to catch Sizemore. Baker finished the 4th with two strike-outs (wisely giving the Twin killer in between the two strike-outs an intentional walk as long as 1st was open) with no runs scoring. Those kinds of plays kept it close to the end, and are a lot of what has made it a pleasure to watch the resurgent Twins. Now it only remains to be seen if they can only keep all the pieces together for a few more years, bounce back next year and ever get deeper into the play-offs.

W-Carmona
L-Baker
SV-Perez
Attendance 13,977 (about half of them gone by the 5th)

*-apologies to Messrs Mann & Pacino

Irony and Karma in Kansas City

The Twins are having an odd series with the Royals in KC, part of a whole knot of curiosities. The Twins looked well out of the play-off race at the trade deadline due to horrid offensive output and a rough series with the Tigers, so they traded a consistent second basemen and lead-off hitter in Luis Castillo (who was on his way out next winter anyways) and called up a couple young infielders to start building next year's team. Surprisingly, they got a bit better and a lot more fun to watch as the inept Nick Punto went back to being a utility infielder, Brian Buscher got some hits at third replacing him, and the new second baseman wasn't that much of a drop-off, and another good hitter, Michael Cuddyer, is back in right field. Meanwhile, with a little help from the Black Sox, the Indians and Tigers have been losing games, giving the Twins another opportunity to get back into the race. Finally they had a chance to turn around their anemic output, which led them to play around .500 record with a lot of close games. Unfortunately, the heart of the line-up still didn't produce any runs, and Brian Buscher is out indefinitely with an infection in his leg, so we're back to the 3rd baseman who forgot how to bunt. They really can't catch a break.

Then in the first game in KC, the lights went out in the stadium. Even first baseman Justin Morneau, who has more home runs than anybody in the American League but A-Rod but has been struggling lately, had to admit that a "power outage" was an ironic atmosphere for a Twins game. Then last night, presumably following the example of Pedro Cerrano, Justin pray to Canadian socialized medicine to take fear from bat, and hit a ball off the rail in the outfield. Off the rail, up in the air, and back onto the field... where nobody knew if it was a home run or a live ball. Morneau was smart enough to just run, and easily made it into third base as the throw from the outfield sailed in, but the third base umpire (and two others) signalled home run, so he went home. Then they had a conference to decide if it was a live ball, pointing at second and third, so Justin went back to third base and stood there to symbolically make his case that he thought it was a triple (at least). After much more arguing, a decision was reached that it was a ground rule double, which I don't get since the entire point of that call is that an unplayable ball gives the runner an extra base, and the Royals obviously played Morneau's hit. Then Torii Hunter settled the argument the old fashioned way, might makes right, and hit the next pitch out of the park, sending Morneau home anyways in karmic retribution (3rd, okay, but no way he goes back to 2nd). It was a great hitting game for the Twins: Michael Cuddyer drove in a run in the first so they could play with a lead, they batted around in the 3rd scoring 5 more runs, and won by a final score of 11-4. So I thought things were looking up, and then they get shut out this afternoon in a 1-0 loss to lose the series. If they can't put away KC, then they really aren't going to catch the Indians and Tigers, but then again, last year they looked hopeless and were four games back on the Tigers with four games left to play and won the division, so 5.5 back in August might not be so bad.

Your Blog Request Fulfilled

By Amstelboy's request, I did some due diligence* on the following topics. As always, my judgment is absolute, and final.

1. Freddy Adu joins Benfica

Freddy Adu, the overhyped teenage soccer phenom is on his way to Portugal to play for Benfica. This is a good opportunity for him, playing in a second tier European league but for a team that will play in European competition. Actually it's more like tier 2A for Portugal and the Netherlands, with a Tier 1B above them that has the French Ligue Un and everybody in the German Bundesliga besides Bayern Munich in it. Tier 1A is Spain, Italy, and everybody from England except Spurs, who mathematically can't win anything until 2011 (do the math). I'll put Russia, Greece, Scotland, and Belgium in Tier 2B at present, and maybe a 2C with Turkey, Ukraine, and the Czech Republic, regular contributors to the CL who would be upwardly mobile in good years. But anyways, Benfica is a good spot to find out if he's any good, because he'll get playing time, and if he's any good he'll play some European games in the CL or UEFA Cup, and won't get buried on the bench like Landon Donovan and Claudio Reyna did in Germany.

An American player in a comparable situation was DaMarcus Beasley who played in the Champions League semi-finals for PSV Eindhoven, who has since moved on to Rangers, another tiny league superclub like Benfica or PSV. When Rangers got Reyna from Wolfsburg, my impression is he was like they stereotypical American soccer jock, a big fish in a small pond who pictures himself as a playmaker through which the chi of his team flows. Talented, but not aggressive, always in midfield because he has to touch the ball but isn't a finisher. There's a breed of world class midfielder who stamps his mark on a game: a fantasista like Zidane from the middle, a striker like Henry or a mezzapunta like Francesco Totti from up top, or wingers like Beckham with his crosses or a Franck Ribery with his long runs last summer for France... lots of ways to do it, if you're that kind of chi-focal player, and that's how the coddled soccer jock imagines himself. Then there's a different breed of world class midfielder, including linchpin players like Clarence Seedorf and Andrea Pirlo who switch the whole team from defense to attack, and versatile defensive midfielders like Patrick Vieira, Edgar Davids, and Roy Keane who were tough as nails but could roam both ends of the field.

While Reyna was not in the class of the players I've mentioned as archetypal, it seemed that he went to Rangers as a soft soccer jock imagining himself as a Zidane-style fantasista, and they made him into a holding midfielder, a supporting role that required him to be tougher and play off of other people. When he was fit enough to play in the 2002 World Cup, the US team had the middle of the field locked up with Pablo Mastroeni as ballwinner and John O'Brien as distributor, both playing supremely well, so there was some expectation that Reyna as the Captain and darling of US Soccer would screw that up. came in to play on the right side of midfield, and immediately made an impact as an aggressive presence on the wing. My opinion is he became a much better player for getting an opportunity that made him stretch himself at Rangers, as did arguably John O'Brien when he got playing time as a defender at Ajax. The two bad situations are the two Landon Donovan has found himself in: too good to need to push himself in California, and not needed enough to get playing time in Germany.

So hopefully Freddy Adu gets slapped around in Portugal where nobody cares if he's Freddy Adu, but gets an opportunity that challenges him. But all in all, youth phenoms have a poor track record at the top level... if you look at some of the teenage phenoms who've blossomed, like Cristiano Ronaldo, or Cesc Fabregas, or Nicholas Anelka back in the day, they weren't making their bones in U-17 World Cups and playing for youth teams, they were signed with big clubs (Manchester United, Arsenal, and Arsenal, respectively) and playing for their countries' senior national teams (Portugal, Spain, and France, respectively) by the time they warranted so much hype. So let's see what he does outside of second flight football when nobody gives a shit about his marketing deal.

2. Kevin Garnett Trade Rumors

There are no Garnett Trade Rumors, he's gone. Speculation is Kevin McHale still loves the Celtics, because in two trades, he did more to help them rebuild than anybody in the last 15 years. They have a core of veteran all-stars, the Timberwolves now have some young talented players, some expiring contracts, and a couple draft picks back to replace the various ones McHale gave away (including the Celtics giving back the one they got in our last trade). The most important part of the deal for cynics is the Wolves get under the luxury tax threshold and save Taylor some money, and for the optimists, that while we'll suck next year, we get to rebuild a team with a new identity not based around jump shots, and one more good trade could pretty much clear out the rest of the garbage.

3. All Things Cub

Is 99 the Cubs lucky number, is the Hope Train leaving the station for Clark and Addison or are they the ninja loan of Midwestern baseball, due to shinobi their way out of the playoff race in September? They may make the play-offs, provided no naive bankers with too many stamps in their passport don't pay attention to the game, pull a Bartman, and haul in a critical foul-out as a souvenir. However, while they may lead the NL Central (the subprime mortgage market of Major League Baseball) the Brewers just had a rough patch and are 0 games back, and the wild card race is distinctly unfriendly, with the Cubs and like 3 others tied for second. Are they clutch? Are they a team of destiny? Their Pythagorean win total at this point in the season is 61, while their actual win total is 57. For those of you whose statistical training didn't include the Pythagorean theorem (no, not the one with the triangles from 8th grade) that's a sophisticated system somebody drew up on a cocktail napkin to predict a team's record based on their offensive and defensive productivity. Even after the walk-off wild pitch in their last game, the Cubs are under-performing slightly, which means they lose close games... not good for a tight play-off run. Then again, maybe it means they're due to pick up four more wins and pull ahead in the NL Central.

The long-awaited sale of the Cubs by the Tribune did have some interesting fall-out. One of the Cubs suitors is Mark Cuban, and White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf is expected to oppose his purchase of the team, despite an OBVIOUS conflict of interest. Cuban is the guy most likely to "get" the appeal of the Cubs, which ironically makes him the perfect guy to own the White Sox. Cuban bought the hapless Dallas Mavericks and turned them into a major success as both a contender and a profitable contributor to the NBA, and stated that his philosophy in doing so was that the Maverick's product was not basketball, it was "sore throats". Unable to insure victory, Cuban tried to make sure the experience of a Mavericks game was a good one for paying customers regardless of the outcome of the game, with a competitive team and energetic atmosphere, so everybody left with a sore throat from cheering. This is how the Saint Paul Saints came close to outdrawing the Minnesota Twins in the mid-90s, by making a day at a Class C game more fun than the MLB game at the other end of the #3 bus line. The experience of a day at Wrigley is an American legend, and my Dad still has the scorecard from his first Major League game at Wrigley Field back in the 50's. The Cubs stink because they can... nobody cares and they won't go out of business, because it's still fun to be a Cubs fan. The Black Sox have traditionally only had two real lures: winning teams, and the best food court in the majors (allegedly). My cousin (a Cubs fan) tells me Black Sox fans describe themselves as political, staying away to protest managerial decisions and make their displeasure known, which is kind of a sophisticated way of saying they're fair weather fans who don't really even want to watch their own team half the time. Frankly, the experience of being a Black Sox fan doesn't sound all that much fun, eating churros while the Piranhas from Minnesota nip away bases and having to listen to endless Shoeless Joe jokes (like me continuing to call them the Black Sox after 88 years).

And that addresses your last Cubs question, about rebuilding the stadium. For the Cubs, Wrigley Field is their product. It's the CDO^2 of baseball tickets, all risk has been heavily diversified out of the product. They can renovate a bit, open up new revenue streams with a club and luxury boxes, a discrete new stand, but some places are special. The Knicks survived leaving the Mecca of Basketball (the old Madison Square Garden) but it helped being the crown jewel of the city that has an unbelievable cradle of basketball legends across the East River, but the Celtics never recovered from leaving the Boston Garden. If they did something truly tragic, like moving the Cubs to a soulless, gargantuan new facility in Evanston or Skokie where they had a development deal, they'd quickly become a curiosity, lose mindshare to the Black Sox, and the mystique would continue to surround the field and the history of the club, but the ability to step back in time to a pre-Vietnam, or even a pre-WWII America would be lost, and that's what they're packaging and selling at 1060 W Addison.

4. Skol! Let us drink from the skulls of our enemies!

Ever since the debacles of 1998 and 2000 I've been unable to commit to being wildly optimistic about the Vikings season, because I know my emotional state is too fragile to leave it in Ragnar's hands. They may be better than last season, and they could hardly be less watchable, but the major flaws may still remain: no passing game, and no pass rush, leading to horrors like the Patriots game last year. I'm still irritated with my ex-girlfriend from Connecticut over that game, and we broke up 12 years ago... it produces that level of irrational bitterness, which is why I have to manage it carefully. With our weak implementation of the Tampa-2 defense exposed and not a single reliable receiver to revive our weak implementation of the West Coast Offense, we're screwed, that's your Vikings outlook, so you can go ahead and hop on the Bears bandwagon early, Amstelboy.

5. Triathlons and Tattoos

The Singapurrr triathlon is an experience I can only imagine. What is it, running, running while being caned, and swimming in salt water with sharks circling your raw, bleeding fresh caning wounds? How does it compare with the Chicago triathlon, where take your bike on the red line to 95th street, ride it north until it gets stolen, then run like hell until you get stabbed and thrown into the river, with a finish line in Indiana where your body washes up on the shore? I'll stick to the Minnesota triathlon: 30 miles by dog sled, 5 miles on foot chased by wolves, and eating deep fried candy bars at the state fair until you throw up, and then we all celebrate with a glass of root beer milk from Senator Boschwitz's milk stand. In the relay my team's a dead lock for the gold... I marked every tree in northern Minnesota until I'd established my alpha status amongst the native wolf population, and the Captain is like the Eddie Merckx of eating deep fried candy bars.

*-By due diligence, I mean I thought about each topic for upwards of a minute before forming my opinion, and made occasional trips to wikipedia to verify small details I couldn't bluster over.

Twins 0 - 1 Ligers (Gosh!)

To summarize this game, you just have to look at Matt Garza's performance: 7 innings pitched, three hits, no earned runs, and a loss. He was sent down before the all-star break to deal with a schedule/rotation problem, and in his triumphant return to the majors he goes seven innings and gives up no earned runs, and still gets tagged with the loss, the 1-0 Bert Blyleven special. On the run, Brandon Inge reached first on an error by Twins shortstop Jason Bartlett, then Garza advanced him into scoring position on a wild pitch, and Magglio Ordonez sent him home on a single.

The Twins only real scoring opportunities were undone by the sleepy bats of the heart of the line-up. #7 reached reached first in the 4th, only to be thrown out 2-4 on a hit and run since #5 came up with a big K (for those of you playing Twingo at home). The big opportunity that people were talking about (bitterly) came in the 6th when Castillo and Bartlett both got on base, and then Mauer struck out without taking his bat off his shoulder, and Cuddyer struck out to end the inning, then Morneau led off the 7th with a strikeout to make it three in a row. This was most unfortunate, and the lack of hitting was matched with a failure to manufacture runs, like Cuddyer's hit and run strike-out, or Nick Punto's inability to lay down a bunt... actually that one's infuriating, since he keeps trying to hit bunt singles and shows bunt on the first pitch of every at-bat, so you'd think he could lay down a bunt. But without reading too much into one game in which a great batter (Mauer), an RBI guy (Cuddyer), and a power hitter (Morneau) all faltered, it stirred up the thought that the Twins really need more scoring.

The future of a lot of players is up in the air over the next couple of years, since the Twins are have to face contract negotiations with Johan Santana, Torii Hunter, and Joe Nathan, all critical parts of their pitching/defensive prowess, and decide who's making the rotation if Francisco Liriano comes back healthy. And talk still swirls around trading pitching for a power hitting third baseman to solve the Twins offensive woes. So here's my take: they have to start putting together the '10 Twins now. The big contract story in baseball recently was Ichiro signing a $100m contract with the Mariners, even though table-setters like him statistically aren't game changers... but Kings County just built two new stadiums in downtown Seattle, and as the face of the franchise, Ichiro had to be resigned, to give the fans something after they gave the Mariners their infrastructure for the next 30 years. Similarly in north Lon-Don, Arsenal fans are getting a little steamed, because the club went through a few lean years paying for a new stadium, and now that it's open, they're short-handed up front and selling off their superstar striker's contract, and their fans aren't too happy about it.

In a similar situation, after years of small ball, Twins fans and taxpayers just spread our legs under the overpass at 5th and 3rd so the Twins could erect a new ballpark, and there's a definite expectation that new revenue streams will mean a bigger budget. Personally I don't give a shit as long as the seats on the third base line face home plate and I don't have to spend the whole game on a yoga mat leaning out in the cobra position to see the at bat. But the faces of the resurgent franchise have been Santana and Hunter, winners of 4 division titles so far, and the Twins are acting like they can't keep them while the Yankees are talking like they're going on a Chicago Ave shopping spree this winter. If in the next year, Nathan is replaced by Neshek as closer, the rotation is drawn from Silva, Baker, Bonzer, Garza, Liriano, and Slowey, with decent relievers, they'll be okay in the regular season if not so intimidating in a play-off series. Without Hunter there will be a gaping hole in center field, with Michael Cuddyer our only decent outfielder, and an even weaker offensive output. If the Twins open the new stadium with gleaming new cash registers and then trot out a weaker line-up, that isn't going to go over too well, especially if Santana and Hunter end up in New York and Anaheim.

The current crop of talent and the increased gameday revenue on the horizon should be enough to keep the core intact, have a good rotation and bullpen and have enough pitching talent left over to trade for a hitter. There's obviously room at third for a hitter to slide in and make Punto a utility infielder, or in left field, or as a DH. After nearly ceasing to exist in the 90s, the Twins should have the foresight to do these things, and accept losing money until 2010, so they can put some pennants up and use this to sell seats in their sexy new stadium. If they blow a chance at winning to pinch pennies until the new stadium opens and alienate all the people putting down deposits for seats, then somebody save them from themselves.

Twins 5 - 3 A's

Is Juan Rincon's job now to set up save situations for Joe Nathan? After eight shut-out innings from Santana and Neshek (with eight strike-outs for Santana) Rincon comes in and gives up two runs in the ninth in spectacular fashion, hitting the lead-off batter and then giving up a home run, all so Nathan can come in and get the save. This isn't the first time this year I've seen him come into a game the Twins were dominating and give up just enough runs to create a save opportunity, and it's damned annoying. What's funny is Nathan's first pitch should have ended the game, when Bobby "Bada-Bing" Crosby hit a ground ball to Jason Bartlett who turned a double play with Castillo... the throw to first was in time, but the umpire disagreed and Crosby reached on a fielder's choice. (This was the second bullshit double play call, after Justin Morneau lined out to short in the fifth, and Michael Cuddyer had to dive back to second base to tag up, made it, and still got called out for the double play, but these things happen when teams from lucrative TV markets hit town.)

Crosby made it home on a double by Jason Kendall, but Nathan got the last out off of former Twin Shannon Stewart, who went 0-5. I enjoyed Stewart's bad day at the plate because of the continuing debate amongst Twins fans over a pre-season decision to sign Lew Ford over Shannon Stewart, when both signed for similar salaries and Stewart has been having a great year at the plate, while Lew Ford remains a marginal player. There were numerous reasons not to sign Stewart as a fifth outfielder, like Ford's range allows him to back up Torii Hunter in center field, and Stewart's champions always seem to gloss over his shortcomings. Since those who can't let go of the road not taken are a pretty bitter lot, they're all waiting in the wings for Stewart to come back and haunt us, and it's gratifying to see him go 0-5 and force them to bide their time before they can tear down their own team again.

Nick Punto seemed to be clearly aware he's on the trading block, as the Twins weigh the relative merit of a 3rd baseman who plays great defense and runs the bases well, but can't get on base or hit for any power. Despite his public nonchalance, his error in the 8th seemed down to trying way too hard... up 5-0, he tried to make a rolling barehanded grab at a ground ball and throw it to first in one motion to stop a lead-off single, and instead threw the ball into the A's dugout. Neshek got the next three batters anyways, so Punto's error didn't cost the Twins anything, but a play like that, if successful, is the only reason to keep him around. Now the Twins just need to find somebody so astoundingly stupid that they'll take Punto and Rincon for a power-hitting third baseman... maybe they should try the Giants. And happy birthday to Brooke Ballentyne, wherever you are.

These things are unrelated

1. Historic 32 run day for the Twins

The whipping the Twins put on the Black Sox Friday night was the most runs scored in a single day by a Major League team since the Red Sox scored 35 runs in a doubleheader back in 1939. The Twins won 20-14 in the first game, which is some pretty good run support for Kevin Slowey who gave up seven runs and still got the win. For reasons passing understanding that game wasn't televised, but I watched the second game, in which Matt Garza and the Twins bullpen shut out the Black Sox, and the Twins hit six home runs to win 12-0, scoring eleven runs off the homers by Morneau, Cuddyer, Hunter, and Cirillo, and the Piranhas drove in the twelfth with a couple base hits, and lead runner Nick Punto nipping a couple extra bases on each hit, just for Ozzie Guillen. The Black Sox tried everything too, like in the first inning when Jim Thome took out our catcher by over-swinging at a strike and letting the bat fly right into Mike Redmond's head. Some may say it wasn't intentional, but he managed to find the one spot on Redmond's head not covered by a mask and helmet, and he took a practice swing, letting go of his bat and hurling it all the way to the backstop on strike one (scaring the crap out of the people behind home plate). Because he caught the first game, Joe Mauer was in as a DH, and Gardenhire had just abandoned his usual three catchers policy, so Joe had to catch the rest of the game and the Twins lost the use of the designated hitter. The Twins had their pitchers hit and still spanked the Sox 12-0, ironically winning American League style playing under National League rules. Justin Morneau's 3-run homer in the first was the 100th of his career, and Morneau went on to homer not once, not twice, but thrice (apologies to Mr. Burns) en route to becoming the first Twin to hit three home runs in a game since 1973. The Black Sox won yesterday against BOOF in what seems likely to be Mark Buerhle's last start* in pale hose, and the decider is today with Carlos Silva facing Javier Vazquez.

*-Apparently Buehrle is willing to sign for less than his open market value to stay in Chicago but wants to be sure he stays in Chicago if he's giving up money to do it, so he's reasonably demanded a no-trade clause and the Sox won't give it to him. How they can manage to be a small market team strapped for cash while splitting a city twice the size of Boston with the hopeless Cubs is beyond me. I know it's fashionable to be a Cubs fan, and the Brewers and Cardinals, and to a lesser extent the Tigers, Reds, and Indians, squeeze out their TV market, but seriously they can't take the risk on a no-trade clause or pay full market value on a pitcher? The Twins haven't let their big targets go, and they're squeezing their revenue out everything west of the St. Croix, not south of Wacker Drive.

2. SpikeTV the Sick Man of Basic Cable?

This morning I turned on Fist of Fury, aka The Big Boss, which I tivo'ed off of SpikeTV, hoping to finally see the last of the big five Bruce Lee movies (Fist of Fury, The Chinese Connection, Way of the Dragon, Enter the Dragon, and Game of Death) that I hadn't seen. At first, I was really disappointed to find how similar it was to The Chinese Connection, and how derivative it must have been being released just two years after Fist of Fury. I had this nagging feeling that I'd seen all this before, but I passed that off as remembering Jet Li's remake Fist of Legend. After a bit I started to lose interest, doubting there would be anything on the order of the epic fights with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Chuck Norris in Game of Death and Way of the Dragon, or even the great scene in Fist of Legend when Jet Li goes into the Japanese dojo, politely takes his shoes off, and beats the living hell out of the entire school and cripples the huge karate master, and then meekly strolls back out. But then letting it run in the background for a while, I eventually recognized a scene and realized it fucking was The Chinese Connection.

What the hell is this crap? I know Asians are all supposed to look alike to us round-eyed devils, and some of Bruce Lee's movies were recut to manufacture sequels and half the time he's not even in Game of Death, but nobody over there has seen The Chinese Connection? I was going to record Enter the Dragon and any other Bruce Lee movies Spike was showing, but now I wonder if I'll get a triple feature of Eat Drink Man Woman, Sense and Sensibility, and Brokeback Mountain instead... Bruce Lee, Ang Lee, Jane Austen John Saxon, close enough. Actually given the godawful voice actress who dubbed over Zhang Ziyi when they showed House of Flying Daggers, which was so bad I had to turn it off, maybe I'll just give up on Hong Kong films on American TV and just finish watching 8 Femmes and thank heavens that it didn't make a big splash here, or there'd be a bubble gum remake with Avril Lavigne, Lindsay Lohan, Mariah Carey, Madonna, and some American Idol finalists set in the Hamptons, only more "accessible" and "empowering".

3. 98.6 degrees... sounds like the hot tub at the Captain's place

It was almost 100 degrees out yesterday, and completely still leading to a total absence of ventilation in my apartment. About 10:30 when it was still 90+ degrees out I finally gave up and turned on the AC so I didn't have to sleep naked in a kiddie pool with my windows open. If this continues, I'm moving to Nunavut (which is a real place, even if none of my countrymen seem to have heard of it) and running the chicken hut in Baker Lake, NU. You may wonder why I'd go to Canada when I keep making fun of them, but consider two things: the cool people in Baker Lake are all Inuit, not British Canadian, and since Russia just claimed half the Arctic Ocean as part of their territory and paranoid Canadians on the internet insist the USA claimed the other half, (according to Canadians this annexation really happened but just wasn't reported in American newspapers and that's why you haven't heard of it), Nunavut's warm water ports on the shipping route from Asia to America and Europe won't be Canadian long. (I know they're not warm now, but give our SUV's, hairspray, and New York to Philly plane flights time to work, we'll have that sucker melted in no time.) So somebody email me when the new Batman is released, for The Dark Knight I'll fly back down into the sauna.

Piranhas 8 - 5 BJ's

Yesterday, the Twins lost a close game because too many scoring opportunities slipped by, and while they held the BJ's to 5 runs, the Twins came up just short. There were too many rallies where one more break could have locked up a win, but this afternoon the Twins didn't let those opportunities dribble away. The BJ's took a commanding early lead by stringing together three hits on Silva before Frank Thomas hit the 500th home run of his career, scoring three and putting the BJ's up 4-0. Thomas has been such a Twin killer over the course of his career that when he came into a four game series with 499 home runs, it seemed unlikely he'd leave Minnesota without #500, and even for a former Black Sock, the crowd rose to applaud him becoming the 21st ever to hit 500 home runs. Silva gave up another run in the third, but then he and the bullpen closed the door, only allowing two more baserunners and nearly snagged both on double plays anyways.

On the other side of the ball, the Twins had another new and fascinating line-up, due to injuries and availability of players. Justin Morneau is back from recuperating his bruised lung, but not quite up to playing first base and Mike Redmond caught last night's game, so Cuddyer played first while Mauer caught Silva with Morneau at DH. Jason Tyner and Jason Bartlett led off, while Nick Punto played second in place of Castillo... kind of interesting, surprisingly effective. Tyner led off with an infield single, beating the throw from third base, and then Jason Bartlett came up, and got hit by A.J. Burnett. I immediately started wondering who was going to replace Bartlett, since I wasn't sure if we had any infielders left (forgetting Cirillo could come in at third, and Punto and Rodriguez would cover the middle infield), but after a long time on the ground surrounded by trainers, Bartlett shook it off and headed to first. I think pretty highly of Jason Bartlett, so I enjoyed seeing him come back and spend the rest of the game punishing Burnett. Cuddyer sent Tyner home with a single, but Mauer and Morneau both looked pretty rough, both striking out swinging on three pitches. Bartlett started sticking it to Burnett by leading off the third with a home run, and Torii Hunter added another solo homer to start the fourth, and bring the Twins within reach.

The turning point was the fifth, starting at the top of the order, with a pair of singles by Tyner and Bartlett. Continuing last night's pick-off fiasco, with runners at the corners Burnett seemed determined he was picking off Bartlett at first, which seemed stupid until you consider the BJ's infield all seem to have really horrible throwing arms. Last night they were irritatingly good fielders and kept snagging line drives (while today they got through and the Twins doubled their run production) but in two games they had six errors and two passed balls. Burnett was nowhere near picking off Bartlett, but then when Bartlett decided to give him a big fuck you and steal second, the late throw from the plate showed why Burnett was concerned about discouraging stolen bases. (In the sixth, Bartlett and Rodriguez each had a steal and Rodriguez advanced on a passed ball, with no throw from the catcher.) Mauer and Morneau continued to struggle, but critically both had productive outs, grounding out to the right side to send home Tyner and Bartlett and tie the game. Burnett walked Cuddyer to set up a 2-run homer by Torii Hunter, his second of the game, and the Twins took the lead. In the sixth, Luis Rodriguez reached first on an error by first baseman Matt Stairs, then stole second and took third on a passed ball, before Jason Tyner drove him in the culmination of the piranha mentality, using speed and tenacity to make their own luck.

Some questions were raised during the game (mainly by my dad) as to the Twins failure to sign Frank Thomas as a DH, when the Metrodome obviously agrees with him, although one explanation was offered when he got ejected for arguing a call then continuing to scream at the umpire from the dugout, meaning his historic home run comes in a game he lost and didn't finish. The girls behind me also raised questions as to the verse order of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm", which they wouldn't stop singing. And there's still some question as to whether Justin Morneau is healthy enough to be back in the line-up, but I was just happy to see him get an RBI and a walk so perennially bitter local sports radio couldn't resurrect his "Morneau-for-4" moniker.

W - Carlos Silva
L - A.J. Burnett
SV - Joe Nathan

Blue Jays 5 - 4 Twins

The Blue Jays are really starting to piss me off. Tonight the Twins had several breaks that set up juicy scoring opportunities only to have the BJ's keep wriggling out of them. Like in the first inning, when Joe Mauer hit into a double play, but he and Jason Bartlett took advantage of a fielding error and beat the tag and the throw to first. Then they executed a double steal, so the Twins had two extremely fast runners on second and third, but failed get them home. Then there was Cuddyer getting thrown out at home to kill a rally in the third... the whole game was close enough that any missed opportunity could have made the difference. Like sending Boof back out to start the 7th, when he'd given up three doubles in the 6th, and he gave up a lead-off double that turned into the winning run. Then again, 11 hits and 4 errors (two on the same play) by the BJ's should have turned into more run support. When Josh Towers had a disastrous attempt to pick off Nick Punto, missing 1st base entirely and letting Punto run to 3rd while a search party was being gathered to track down the ball, and followed that up with a pitch over his catcher's head that allowed Punto to dash home while Gregg Zaun chased the ball to the back stop, I really couldn't have imagined he'd come away with the win. And Zaun even got charged for a passed ball on that horrid pitch, proof that Towers has a deal with the devil. Frank Thomas, always a Twin killer with the Black Sox, is still stuck on 499 home runs with another game to play tomorrow, so that should be interesting.

W-Towers
L-BOOF
SV-Accardo

What got into Johan Santana tonight?

What a difference a new pitcher makes. Last night at Shea Carlos Silva had a rough night, and the Twins couldn't get anything going on offense off of John Maine, and lost 8-1 to the Mets. Tonight Santana pitched a complete game shut-out, cashing in a promise from Bert Blyleven to shave his head if Johan got the shut-out. Bizarrely he only had one strike-out coming in the 9th inning, when that's usually Santana's bread and butter, and as Blyleven noted, he was using Silva's game to do what Silva failed to do the night before. It wasn't enough to strangle the Mets offense, since Santana also had a good game at the plate, warding off a pinch hitter and letting him stay in all nine innings. Seriously, for an American League pitcher that was just ridiculous, he was getting way ahead in the count against Jorge Sosa, drew a walk and got an extra base hit (with first base coach Jerry White frantically shouting at him not to get carried away), and scored a run himself to insure the win. Johan just missed getting an infield single to really stick it to the Mets, but with Johan going nuts, the game was over in the second inning when the Twins put six runners on and scored five, never looking back. After that thrashing, I'd love to predict doom and gloom for the Mets tomorrow night, but I have an unfortunate feeling they may bounce back against Scott Baker.

Piranhas 9 - 0 Mets
W-Santana
L-Sosa

Piranhas 10 - 9 Alkies

That was certainly a crazy game, in a weird atmosphere, all wholesome for Father's Day, except for all the drunks who weaved their way across the bridge for the game, wearing their hats with the baseball glove logo like a note from their mother pinned to their lapels, in case they lose their way in a foamy haze of Miller Lite and forget where they are or where they're going and need passers-by can point them in the right direction on game day. “You're lost? What does “Wango baishbahl” mean? Oh, baseball? Just this way down 6th to Chicago... yeah, you're welcome, no hugs, and don't throw up on my shoes, please.” Seriously, every time we play a Wisconsin team, the biggest bunch of drunken freaks with no ability to follow the game show up, like the guy behind me who could divine the results of double play attempts before the ball was even thrown, and screamed “Double play!” at random moments for a few innings, like when the pitcher was warming up. It's a blast when the Chicago and Detroit fans come to town, because while they're seriously all fucking nuts, they at least come for the game, not to drink and drool on people. Also an oddity for Father's Day, as a prostate cancer tie-in, they had the seventh inning stretch in the sixth inning, which was supposed to encourage all the fathers to go get prostate exams. It is important to have the doctor stick his finger up your bum every once in a while, but I can't say this enough, the guy at Steamworks wearing nothing but a stethoscope who checks your prostate with both his hands on your shoulders is NOT A REAL DOCTOR.

I thought the Twins were in some serious trouble after the first inning, when after Ryan Braun (barely) broke up what would have been a double play to end the inning, Kevin Slowey turned into Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn and threw about 12 straight balls, walking two and finally getting the third out when Johnny Estrada was dumb enough to swing at one of his pitches off the plate and grounded out to 2nd. When the Twins came up, Joe Mauer and Michael Cuddyer tore into Jeff Suppan early, and I still say Cuddyer would have scored Mauer from first if his double hadn't bounced over the outfield wall... three feet to the right and it would have bounced off the baggy, with Mauer already halfway home. Justin Morneau put the Twins ahead with a sac fly to score Mauer, so things were looking up. Then Torii Hunter took a ball off his hands, and had to call for Lew Ford to come in for him. With Slowey looking pretty rough, I thought losing our superstar center fielder was going to kill the Twins, and it nearly did. Mike Redmond drove Cuddyer in to extend the early lead, and Slowey and the Twins defense held off the Brewers for a while, letting a few guys on but never letting them score.

The heart of the Twins line-up continued to pound the Brewers, even the generally useless Lew Ford had a hell of a game at the plate in relief of Torii Hunter, driving in four runs and scoring one himself. By the fifth, the Twins were up 5-0, when the Brewers cracked Slowey wide open, opening the inning with two solo home runs, but the Twins answered with four more runs, so the game looked safe. Slowey gave up a 2-run homer in the top of the sixth just to get it a bit closer, but with a 9-4 lead the bullpen came in to finish things off, despite a lack of run support. Matt Guerrier got the Twins out of the sixth and through the seventh cleanly, and then Juan Rincon apparently decided as a personal favor to our closer to give him a save opportunity. After a lead-off double by Geoff Jenkins, Craig Counsell, master of the Julio Franco batting stance, sent him home on a single, and Corey Hart, best known for wearing his sunglasses at night, hit a two-run homer to put the Brewers within two. Once he set up the save situation for Nathan, Rincon finished off the eighth, and our closer Joe Nathan came in to pitch the ninth, and our troubles really began.

Prince Fielder, the Brewers first baseman, is a very large, bulky man. He's 6'0” and 260 lbs, which makes him not too quick around the basepaths. He's the son of Cecil Fielder, a very large man who played for the Tigers, who had no speed around the basepaths, and only stole one base in his career... against the Twins. His wife didn't congratulate him when he called to tell her, because she didn't believe him without video evidence and a note from the umpire. I don't know what kind of freakish karma the Fielders have against the Twins, but Prince Fielder cashed in some more of it yesterday. He hit a high fly ball to center field, which looked like a fairly routine catch, except he lost the ball against the dirty baseball colored roof, and Fielder had a lucky base hit. Unfortunately, the ball went so high it hit a speaker and dropped nowhere near where Lew Ford positioned himself guessing the trajectory in the dark, and left fielder Jason Tyner cleverly failed to back up Ford on the play, so Fielder got extra bases as a further gift. Ford, when he finally fielded the ball, hesitated on the throw, and Fielder, chugging and jiggling his way around the bases, so unused to doing so he had to stutter step at second and third to make sure he didn't miss them, beat the throw home. Just another half second and the cut-off man could have gotten the ball to home plate. I inwardly groaned, knowing that play was going to feature heavily on “Around the Horn”. Just like the missed double play shook up Slowey, after that gift Nathan started pitching like crap. Three straight base hits scored the tying run for the Brewers, and with two runners in scoring position, Joe Nathan got it together and took out the next three batters, striking out Sunglasses at Night to end the inning. A blown save for Nathan, no win for Slowey, and a Father's Day gift for Jeff Suppan, who really deserved the loss after giving up 9 earned runs in five innings.

In the bottom of the ninth, with their bats having gone a bit quiet since the fifth, the Twins had AL MVP Justin Morneau up to lead off the inning. After his sacrifice in the first, Morneau had picked up another RBI in the third sending Mauer home on a double, and then the Brewers walked him in his next couple at-bats, so he'd been having a good game, with four productive plate appearances. Well, the second walk was intentional and set up a force-out at second, and was kind of bizarre since the guy batting behind Morneau had five RBIs, but nevertheless, a good game. After taking one pitch, Morneau drilled the next one over the baggy in right field, the kind of ball you know is over the wall right off his bat, for the walk off home run. With the stadium errupting, My Dad, not generally a trash talker, turned around to sarcastically chant “Let's go Brewers!” at the alkies preparing to retreat back across the St. Croix with their tails between their legs, and all was right in the world.

Piranhas 10, Alkies 9
Winning Pitcher: Joe Nathan (Blown Save)
Losing Pitcher: Chris Spurling
Prostate: Healthy