The Primary System Explained part one: The Democrats

For the education of those not native to the United States and the mechanics of its singular electoral system, or for those who have been sipping espresso and eating cheese fondue on a jewel encrusted office chair in Switzerland so long they've forgotten how their government works, I have decided to provide a brief explanation of the whole system, and of upcoming events. Unfortunately, since I don't understand it all either either I will have to resort to mostly pulling this all out of my ass.

There are three peculiarities to understand: the nomination, the candidates, and the contests.

The Nomination:

By all accounts, the American primary system appears very strange to the rest of the world, who find a year-long election rather excessive. Sometimes I wish the rest of the world would take into account the fact that we aren't electing the leader of an (effectively) unicameral parliamentary legislature who can be recalled at any time by a vote of no confidence, but rather an independent executive with authority over the greatest economic and military power in the history of human civilization, but that isn't the point here; the point is, this isn't an election.

Every political party in the world chooses its candidates before an election, and usually this is done by the party leaders in a smoke filled room with the door firmly barred. In the United States, at this time, it's largely done out in the open by a popular vote of members of that party. The Democratic Party does this by a vote of 4,049 delegates to the Democratic National Convention, with the first candidate to secure 2,025 delegates being nominated to run for President of the United States, at which point they may choose their own candidate for Vice President. Most of the delegates (3,253) are assigned by a proportional vote in each state, and the remaining 796 "super-delegates" are composed of Democrats holding federal office as well as various other party luminaries.

The Candidates:

Several have dropped out already, like Bill Richardson, Joe Biden, and Christopher Dodd. Really there are only three serious candidates for the nomination, and four who get any news coverage at all. Consequently, I'll tell you all about Mike Gravel until he gets at least one single solitary delegate to commit for him, and in the meantime here's some info on the other four. (Not all of this information is accurate, but I should hope it's obvious what parts I just made up.)

Hillary Clinton: Senator from New York
Signature Move: Morph
Fatality: Soultaker

Hillary Clinton has spent the last 17 years in Washington as First Lady in the Clinton Administration (you may have heard of her husband, he had a fondness for cigars and that orange drink NASA used to make) and as the junior senator from New York State. After a disastrous beginning in the White House with an ego-driven national health care initiative, she has built a reputation in the Senate for quietly building bipartisan support for more modest initiatives. Considered the chosen candidate of the national party, she often appears to be glaring at Barack Obama for daring to run against her.


Barack Obama: Senator from Illinois
Signature Move: Blade Spin
Fatality: Decapitation

Barack Obama is the junior senator from Illinois, running on a platform of thoughtfulness, charisma, and inexperience. That last one is supposed to be a positive, because he isn't caught up in an entangling network of Washington political relationships and brings a fresh perspective. On the other hand, he reportedly never learned the rules of the Senate because he started running for president as soon as he realized he was the only politician in America who doesn't appear to be lying through gritted teeth every time he speaks. His greatest political influence so far is in his father's native Kenya, where Senator Baraka has been trying to use his goodwill to prevent civil war and the spread of AIDS. (I also blame him for making me break down and buy an I-Pass.)

John Edwards: Former Senator from North Carolina
Signature Move: Shadow Uppercut
Fatality: Torso Rip

John Edwards is a former senator who didn't run for reelection because he was pursuing the vice presidency in 2004. Before politics, his career as a medical malpractice attorney was bouyed by his uncanny ability to speak with the dead. His campaign is focused on delivering an eloquent anti-poverty message while tossing his sexy, perfectly coiffed mane (I assume he didn't get that $400 haircut from Juan). Edwards is running third but counting on momentum from being the only southerner in the South Carolina primary, and should Hillary or Baraka stumble, he will be the only charismatic white man with a law degree the party can turn to.

Dennis Kucinich: Congressman from Ohio
Signature Move: Invisibility
Fatality: Uppercut Decapitation

Dennis Kucinich has basically no chance of getting elected to anything, because his politics are too far to the left and he isn't ashamed of that fact. Kucinich is running to be heard, not to be elected, and honestly I only include him out of respect for anyone, right or wrong, who will take the amount of ridicule he does for the opportunity to speak on a national stage. To access Congressman Kucinich, seen here being decapitated by Baraka, pull down on both joysticks when the "toasty" guy appears on screen.

The Contests

The primary system theoretically acts in concert with several other aspects of American government dating from its origin as a union of several independent colonial governments, to protect against the rise of powerful pluralities and make it so the entire country has to be considered in federal politics. It also theoretically acts to screen candidates by making them go through a series of small contests in a variety of regions with different types of voters, letting party voters get to know their candidates before committing their vote. Theoretically. One of the other major benefits is by winning individual state party primaries, a candidate can prove they're capable of getting votes, and this in turn allows them to raise enough money to win.

There are two types of event to consider: caucuses and primaries. A caucus consists of a bunch of people getting together on the precinct level in small groups and choosing delegates to send to county caucuses, who then choose the delegates for a state caucus. A primary is just an election for all voters in a party. Some primaries are open, and some require that you be registered in that party. In Minnesota, we have both, and non-binding caucuses in the winter help determine who the party endorses for offices, while a fall primary chooses the final nominee, and anybody is free to vote in any party's primary. Confused yet?

Basically however states decide what to do, delegates are assigned by a proportional vote. This means all the talk in the media about who "won" is kind of silly, for instance Obama and Clinton got the same number of delegates from New Hampshire, despite her "winning" by 3% of the vote. The other part of the race, the super-delegates, are free to announce who they're voting for, but haven't all done so.

Iowa & New Hampshire

The traditional first two contests are Iowa and New Hampshire, where because of all the time candidates have to put in, they get out and talk to real people in the street. Simply put, Iowa is a bunch of thoughtful farmers who love ethanol tax credits, and New Hampshire is a bunch of white New England revolutionaries who hate the government. Doing well in Iowa made Obama look like he could actually win, so this helps when he goes to other states. Getting 39% of the vote in New Hampshire kept Hillary from going down in flames. Getting any delegates kept John Edwards alive going into South Carolina, and getting no delegates made everyone else but Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel drop out.

Michigan & Florida Primary

The Democrats agreed that only four caucuses and primaries (IA, NH, NV, SC) could be held before Super Tuesday (Feb 5), and then Michigan and Florida jumped in ahead of South Carolina without permission. Consequently the party stripped both states of all their delegates, and the primaries are just for show (this is on the Democratic side only!) Major candidates except Hillary Clinton dropped out of the Michigan Primary, and running unopposed she came in with 56% of the vote, with 40% voting "uncommitted" or "undecided" (and the last 4% going to Kucinich and Gravel). It remains to be seen what will happen in the now symbolic Florida Primary, or whether Florida's lawsuit to keep their delegates will succeed.

Nevada & South Carolina

Now that a couple predominantly white, northern states where prostitution is illegal have weighed in on the Democratic nominee, you may be wondering when the rest of you get a chance to be heard. To address that, the party has early primaries in Nevada and South Carolina. Nevada (that's the one that looks like a box-cutter and has gambling) is the first western state to vote and has a significant enough proportion of Latino voters to allow candidates to specifically appeal to the national Latino vote by courting Nevada Latinos. Also, I would think the Nevada primary would allows candidates to get out the prostitute vote nationally, but the media hasn't really picked up on that aspect. (For the life of me I can't imagine who I know in the Democratic Party who would push for a prostitute-heavy early primary... I'll have to ask the Captain about that one.)

The South Carolina Democratic Primary is important because it draws out a lot of black voters, and it's the first primary in the South. John Edwards is counting heavily on South Carolina to make him a viable candidate, and Barack Obama gets to prove he can carry black voters and hopefully put to rest all the whispers about whether he's really black enough. Based on what I've seen in previous years, it appears the Klansmen vote in the other primary.

Super Tuesday

This is the first day any state can schedule a Democratic primary, and 22 states are having one, including New York, California, Minnesota (caucus) and Illinois (primary), allocating over half the delegates (2,075) on a single day. If you have US citizenship and you live in one of these states, you should get your ass off that jewel-encrusted office chair you smuggled out of Switzerland, get out and vote.

The Race So Far:

Regional Delegates:
Obama 25
Clinton 24
Edwards 18
Everybody else: ZERO

As a point of curiosity, Obama is still slightly ahead after the first two primaries, and he and Hillary have each "won" one, without really pulling ahead of Edwards, but as I said, 2,075 delegates are at stake on Super Tuesday and there are 796 super-delegates, so 25-24 is a pretty ephemeral lead.

Super-delegates: (of 3,253)
Clinton 166
Obama 78
Edwards 33
Kucinich 1
Everybody else: ZERO

As expected, the national party loves Hillary and she has more super-delegates publicly committed to support her. It's worth noting that as federal elected officials, Clinton, Obama, and Kucinich are all super-delegates themselves, as is former President Clinton. I mention this because I assume that's how Kucinich got a delegate.

Total delegates: (of 4,049)
Clinton 190
Obama 103
Edwards 51
Kucinich 1
Everybody else: ZERO

So despite what you hear about primaries won and lost, Hillary has a near 2-1 lead, but ten times as many delegates are at stake on Super Tuesday and there are still 500 uncommitted super-delegates who might start picking sides after South Carolina and Nevada, or pile on the front-runner after Super Tuesday. I will do my best to keep you all apprised.