Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Lady Vols 3-0 Wildcats

I've been watching the Softball College World Series, which along with the World Series of Poker, give me hours of entertainment and obscure trivia with which I can bore my friends and enemies (a list that often overlaps). This weekend, Northwestern seemed to be the Obi-Wan of Chicago area diamond-based sports (what term covers softball and baseball, but not cricket or rounders, whatever the fuck that is?) after the Cubs, Black Sox, and DePaul softball team all lost on Sunday... and the Cubs had a pitcher in a fist fight with his catcher, for god's sake. I was glad Northwestern stayed alive, because I love it when an unfashionable Big 10 team gets their boots on and stomps on somebody... especially when, as in the case of softball, those boots have heels. My all-time favorite women's basketball moment is still watching April Calhoun and Janel McCarville setting up “Welcome to the Big 10, now wipe your blood off the floor and pick up those teeth” hits on girls from small conference schools in the early rounds of the '05 tournament... one point guard literally crawled off the floor after experiencing the Calhoun-McCarville pick and roll.

I also couldn't help but root for Northwestern because Erin Dyer looks pretty fine in a catcher's mask. There are a number of female athletes who do Cinderella in reverse, because their athleticism gives them a tremendous allure, making them just a pleasure to watch, but when they put on a dress and slap on a little make-up, this excruciatingly sexy woman is mysteriously transformed into... nothing special. They're magnificent, but not made for glass slippers. It's partly just in how they move, since as Bert Blyleven noted in last night's Twins-Angels game, baseball requires players to be relaxed, supple, and able to move fluidly, which is why he did yoga. The traditional female posture for elegance is the opposite, awkward, folded in, and tense, like a ballet dancer on her toes. Lots of softball players have that real girly body language, standing on 1st base with one leg forward, slightly off their heels, tugging their jersey with a thumb and forefinger, brushing one stray lock away from their eyes under their over-sized batting helmet. It's sort of odd and off-putting in that setting, but the extreme example is that whole muscular Lolita thing Olympic gymnasts have going, which is nothing short of creepy. Some are different, like the pitchers, shortstops, and especially the catchers, squatting and shifting on their feet, reading their pitcher and sliding up and out for stray balls, and springing to their feet to threaten runners against stealing bases. And that's where Dyer looks really fit, springing out of a crouch and in one motion nailing the shortstop's glove at second, or doffing her mask to field a throw home, diving to tag a runner and whirling back up with the ball cocked in her hand, wary dark eyes checking baserunners. I'm just saying, that mask really brings out her eyes, and the out in the sunshine her light skin against her dark hair and navy blue pads... it's pretty sexy. In her bio on the Northwestern team website, in a pink shirt and jewelry, eh, she's alright. I'm just saying, if she was my woman, I think foreplay would be playing catch in the yard.

Unfortunately, Erin Dyer and the Wildcats got run over by the freight train that is Monica Abbott and the Lady Vols, including one tragic play where Erin made a nice catch at home at full stretch in her pads, dragging a foot across home plate for the force-out and stepping forward to look for a play at first or third, not realizing the shortstop had already tagged the runner from second, meaning there was no force-out at home plate (but she still looked pretty sharp doing it). Abbott has been dominant, and the storyline has been set, with Peyton Manning, Pat Summit, and the rest of the Tennessee coaches and alumni including the football coach all showing up for her (which is actually pretty cool), so the refs are giving the Lady Vols every 50/50 call. So in the final, I'll be rooting for the Arizona Wildcats, because of the underdog factor, because I groan at every women's team that has “Lady” in their nickname, because I used to root for alumna Alicia Hollowell (a full-figured woman who used to pitch with three long uneven braids swinging around) who threw BP for the Wildcats to prep them for Abbott, and also because their catcher looks pretty good with her wavy blonde hair streaming out the back of her mask, in a cutesy ribbon. Her signature move is fielding a pitch and rotating to third as she drops to her knees and rifles the ball to third to pick off aggressive baserunners... I'm just saying, RROWRRR.

Also since this seems the best place to put this, a morphing montage of images of Women in Art that I found briefly interesting.

No comments:

Post a Comment