Redskins 32 - 21 Vikings

I'm only going to say one thing about this game. The guy sitting right behind me was an irritating loudmouth drunk with verbal diarrhea and no ability to control the volume of his voice, and after railing on for hours and sticking his knees in my back, he was trying to make a grand gesture and whacked me in the head. At the is point, the guy sitting next to me who is usually pretty mild-mannered finally lost it, turned around and told him "It would be easier to listen to if you were a Redskins fan, you know that? You keep talking, you're analyzing every damn play, why don't you put on a headset and broadcast it for us? And you don't know shit about football, or the slightest fucking thing about the Vikings! You either need to stop drinking or shut the fuck up! If there are kids around, I'm sorry for swearing... but fucking shut up already! Just shut up! I can't take it anymore, shut the fuck up!" This was followed by polite applause from me (and I noticed several others) and a long, stunned silence from the row behind us, and then one of the drunk's buddies quietly added with a smirk, "And a Merry Christmas to you, too." That was the highlight of the game... and that really says it all.

Who to root for this week

With the Vikings on the verge of a play-off spot, here's who to root for:

Panthers over Cowboys
Really I don't care as much about a potential Vikings-Packers second round rematch as I do clinching a play-off spot, and eliminating the Panthers means one less set of footsteps padding up behind the Vikings. Plus if the Giants continue to collapse, the Vikings can make Packer fans nervous by winning the top wild card spot, so I'm tempted to root for the Cowboys. On the other hand, if the Cowboys stay hungry, they'll give a tougher game to the Redskins in their final game, and I'm more worried about them than the Panthers who still have the Buccaneers to finish them off. So basically I'll vote for nobody getting any rest and root for the Panthers.

Eagles over Saints
While the Eagles hold tie-breakers over the Vikings, the Saints and Redskins are the only realistic threat to overtake the Vikings. I really want to see the Saints lose an NFC conference game and make it impossible for them to control their own destiny (I'll check common opponent tie-breakers later).

Bills over Giants
Personally I always root for the Giants to lose ($#*@'ing Manning) but if they lose one more game this season, the Vikings control their own destiny and can win out to get the top wild card spot (it's good to hold the tie-breaker).

Packers over Bears
It's always good to see the Packers lose, and I doubt they'll catch the Cowboys anyways, but it's better to keep the Packers and Cowboys heavily invested in the regular season, and the Packers need to win for that to happen. If the Cowboys are worried about the Packers, they'll play their starters against the Redskins, possibly bailing out the Vikings (should they blow it Sunday night) and I want our potential second round opponents to have as few weeks off as possible. Plus I hate both teams, so I want to see them upset by the Seahawks or Buccaneers, so the more tired and beat up they are the better.

Buccaneers vs 49ers
Ravens vs Seahawks
I think the Buccaneers are a dead lock to beat the lowly 49ers, so I'm rooting for the Seahawks to win as well and keep the pressure up in week 16 for who gets the easier draw (warm weather vs cold, amongst other things). Really I just don't want the Bucs and Seahawks resting starters in week 17.

Vikings over Redskins
Beat the Redskins, and only the Saints can survive (and only if they beat the Eagles). For the Vikings the play-offs start this week, and they have to beat the Redskins or hope the Cowboys and Bears get them get the back door. And I know a certain Viking fan in Near North is always up for a little ride'em cowboy backdoor action with a Chicago bear, but we really still want to beat the Redskins.

Nothing but knives and lint

The Return of Superfly

I didn't realize how few movies I'd seen this year until the Golden
Globe nominations came out, and I'd only seen Michael Clayton and The
Simpsons Movie. I thought I should start rectifying that situation, so
I went to see Ridley Scott's American Gangster. Based on past
experience I don't htink you can go too far wrong having Chiwetel
Ejiofor follow Denzel Washington around in a movie with a white co-star
who's cooler than a polar bear, and American Gangster doesn't go too far
wrong.

As a true crime story, it completely held my attention for the better
part of three hours, capturing a time and place in an almost tactile
way. Crowe and Washington are captivating running around in the setting
Ridley Scott creates for them, and Frank Lucas is an interesting figure
in the history of America, in a story that raises a lot of questions
about what might have been if his empire hadn't crumbled, NYPD
corruption had never been exposed, and a black man's organization raised
efficiency in the distribution of heroin and organized crime.

However I was surprised at how exposition-heavy the film is,
particularly Russell Crowe's side of the film, where long speeches
explain the essential nature of their characters. When Carla Gugino
makes a profound courtroom speech to Crowe explaining everything about
their marriage and the failure of his personal life, it's hard not to
wish Ridley Scott had chosen to show that onscreen, and not make a
historical film that's a slave to what happened next.

I did love the last shot of the film, perfectly executed without a
spoken word. It refers back to the opening of the film and and
completes an entire theme using only two elements: Denzel Washington's
eyes, and the music of Public Enemy, and those are two things that go
surprisingly well together on film. The whole movie is in the
expression of Frank Lucas, looking out on a street he no longer
recognizes, with jarringly loud music that pins the scene so clearly to
one particular time, and not the one Frank Lucas belonged to. The film
opens with the passing of Bumpy the gentleman, and closes with the sense
that the time of Frank Lucas the businessman is gone as well, just like
Russell Crowe's Richie Robbins had his path set a long time ago, and
can't stop being the guy who turned down a million dollars.

While I wasn't blown away, I certainly thought it was a nice film. And
any excuse to reunite Denzel Washington with Chiwetel Ejiofor and Public
Enemy is good.

Minnesota sports fans: I have good news and bad news

The good news is for the first time since Corey Koskie left town the
Twins have a third baseman who looks reasonably competent in Mike Lamb,
and leaves only Johan Santana, Joe Nathan, the whole pitching order, and
center field unsettled. This infield looks like former MVP Justin
Morneau at 1B, Brendan Harris at 2B, Adam Everett at SS, and Mike Lamb
at 3B, with a lot more offensive output from the infield than the Twins
have had in years. Brian Buscher will push Lamb for a starting job at
third, while the two remaining super-quick guys who couldn't get on base
(Punto and Casilla) will be pretty good depth, and I have hope for
Buscher and Casilla to win starting jobs in the next year or two.
Personally I love lamb, so this news makes me hungry.

The bad news is Vikings strong safety Dwight Smith was picked up on
charges of misdemeanor possession and obstructing traffic, partaking of
the good herb while his car was double parked outside Schieks. I really
don't get this guy, last year he got suspended when the cops caught him
getting a hummer in a stairwell at a club, now he's capping off a night
at a strip club by smoking up in his car in the middle of 4th St? Can't
we get Dwight Smith some sort of pied-a-terre downtown for cakes and
weed if he doesn't want to go all the way home? I know rent is high,
but when our starting safety is risking suspension on the eve of the
critical Vikings-Bears game that will effectively eliminate one team
from the playoffs, getting a roof over his head when he's smoking up or
getting his pole smoked would be well worth it for the team and for
Vikings fans.

Sonics 98 - 88 Timberwolves

I don't know how you blow a lead to the Sonics, but the Wolves found a
way. On the other hand, whenever Violet Palmer refs a game, things get
ugly for the Wolves, even though she seemed fairly subdued for a trip to
Minneapolis. (I don't know if she had a codependent relationship with a
werewolf that ended badly, but she typically calls more fouls on the
Wolves from the far side of the court than the rest of her crew combined.)

The young Wolves still struggle with transition defense and taking care
of the ball, and gave up a lot of points to the Sonics off of turnovers.
I really didn't want to lose to the Sonics especially with ex-Wolf
Wally Szczerbiak on the floor. Unfortunately nobody really stepped up
to help out Al Jefferson in this game, until late in the game Rashad
McCants got out of his shooting funk and started scoring some points...
still, the Wolves need a third scorer. On the plus side, Corey Brewer
continues to improve offensively, and in addition to three blocks scored
in double digits for the first time last night, while our other Florida
rookie Chris Richard (the guy with cornrows who looks like he bench
presses cars in the garage for exercise) had his best game ever in a
Wolves uniform, scoring in double figures as well. And tonight they
have a chance to bounce back against Yi Al John and the Bucks, and make
him run his vans all the way back across the St. Croix to his beach shop.

Sayonara, Rew Ford

The Twins have made some more moves which continue to tease exasperated
Twins fans who keep waiting for certain holes to be filled and for
certain axes to fall, and despite opening day being several months away,
I'm still getting anxious.

No word yet on Johan Santana's final resting place. He rejected $20m a
year for four years, wanting more years and more money, and he
apparently remains sure that somebody will offer both the money and the
prospects to make the Twins pull the trigger. Johan has narrowed down
his list of suitors to the Red Sox and the Yankees (and will not waive
his no-trade clause for anyone else), and the Red Sox offer to the Twins
I gather was... uninspiring. I don't know if the Yankees have anybody
to offer in a trade young enough for the Twins to want but replaceable
enough that the Yankees would part with them. Until we see what the
Twins get for Johan, it's hard to know what next year's team will look like.

But in the meantime, apparently none of the guys Twins fans were
thinking might fill the gap in center field will do so. Recent roster
cut Jason Tyner might have had the range to do so but had a horrible
year at the plate last year, and as I alluded to above last year's
back-up CF, Lew Ford, just signed a deal to play in Japan. Craig Monroe
will also not be considered as a starting center fielder, and with
Delmon Young and Michael Cuddyer in the corner infield spots, it looks
like there isn't a big right handed DH in the wings for the Twins since
one of our at least four corner infielders will be hitting in the DH
slot every game.

The Twins also signed another middle infielder who can't hit (Adam
Everett) so the ones we have wouldn't get lonely, but if Everett plays
shortstop and Brendan Harris stays at his preferred position at second
base, this puts Nick Punto, officially the worst hitter in baseball last
year, entirely off the field as a pinch runner and utility infielder
(he's fast, he just doesn't know how to get to first... or lay down a
bunt). This is good news, but I still don't know who's going to play
third, because Brian Buscher didn't blow anybody's skirt up when they
finally gave Punto the hook last year. Oh, first base is set... it
turns out Justin Morneau can really play.

So still no starting rotation, fingers crossed we still have a closer
and a left-handed reliever of some sort, no center fielder, or third
baseman, but we're still all set at catcher and first base. On the plus
side, no current Twins showed up on Senator Mitchell's long-awaited list
of players implicated in his steroid investigation, so nobody's
production is about to plummet without warning when they have to start
peeing in a cup. The one Twin rumored to be using steroids was already
slumping pretty hard, so maybe now that he dodged a bullet he'll
sacrifice his testes for the bullpen and get back on the performance
enhancing drugs.

Shia LeBeouf is Free at Last

Our long national nightmare is over. Walgreens has dropped trespassing
charges against Shia LaBeouf, who despite the name is apparently not a
porn star. For anyone not familiar with LaBeouf's work, he's best known
for his manic overacting in this summer's Michael Bay fighting robot
extravaganza (Transformers was apparently a lot better if you smoked up
and found something else to do during the boring parts and just tuned in
for "Ooh, shiny!"). The only thing he's ever appeared in I liked was
that SNL parody of The OC second season finale, when he only gets out
half a line before Andy Samberg and Bill Hader shoot him.

Anyways, LeBeouf wandered into the Walgreens next to the Larry Hiscock
tower* drunk off his ass at 4am and refused to leave. At first I
couldn't believe a hot young actor had nothing better to do with his
time than hang around that Walgreens (it's really not that exciting),
but then I figured he spends his free time playing overwrought teenagers
in mediocre movies (if he's lucky), so maybe he really doesn't have
anywhere else to go. So I just thought I'd share that information,
because considering how often it keeps being posted and reposted in
different fora around the internet, I assumed this must have been
keeping people up nights, wondering if the filming of Transformers 2:
Cybertron Cruise Control was going to be held up while hot young LeBeouf
was getting hot beef injections in Joliet.

Consider yourselves informed.

*-Also known as the John Hancock tower, after former President of the
Continental Congress John Hancock. Anybody else catch the founding
fathers flashback on Family Guy Sunday? "Roll call... John Footpenis?"
"I changed it to Hancock!"

Cold creme brulee is here to stay

I've been frequently frustrated in recent years by the horror that
arrives at the table every time I order creme brulee in a restaurant,
and I get some half-frozen piece of shit that tastes like cold cream and
KY jelly. It's only served at fine restaurants, which means it's just
this awful capper to a great meal that makes me all pissed off about the
whole experience. I understand the problem of restaurants, because it
is a strange dish full of uncooked bacteria breeding ingredients with
just the top burned to a glaze immediately before serving, and they
needed to prepare it in advance but also be sure their creme brulee
wasn't going to kill their customers. Unfortunately for a while a lot
of restaurants had this insane idea they'd make it and torch it all at
the same time before throwing it in the subzero overnight. In such an
environment the staff invariably never eat the restaurant's food and
therefore have no problem bringing it out cold, which is a really
unpleasant surprise when you dig in and your spoon starts frosting over.

After many years of me asking pointed questions about the serving
temperature everywhere I saw it on the menu, I thought I might have
single-handedly started a regional creme brulee education process,
because it was at least coming out a bit warm. Unfortunately the new
thing seems to be to make it on Monday morning, freeze it, and then
Friday night take it out of the freezer, knock a few ice chunks off of
it, and then hope running a blowtorch over it for five seconds will make
it edible. When you inevitably hit that nasty cold spot in the
middle... it's like kissing a smoker, I shudder just to think of it.

From what I hear Luci Ancora was the last hold out on serving this dish
in a manner fit for a refined palette, by virtue of having a creme
brulee specialist on call. She would prepare a batch from the freshest
ingredients every morning and deliver it to the restaurant, who would
keep it mildly refrigerated (I like to keep my e coli farther down my
gut, so I don't object to this step) then torch their cool but not
frozen creme brulee immediately before serving. Hearing this, I was
really interested in getting over there to try the last properly
prepared creme brulee available outside l'Hexagon, but glancing in the
freezer case at my corner store, I fear I may be too late. Those
bastards Ben & Jerry are making creme brulee ice cream, and their
marketing department (who have clearly made a deal with the devil to
have stamped such a wholesome, homemade image on ice cream with gummi
bears in it with celebrity endorsements) which will convince the world
it's supposed to be cold and shitty, and they'll pound the table and cry
until they get their cold creme brulee (which also helps take off make-up).

I fear there will soon be none left, just like you can't get anybody to
soak the bread all the way through when they make french toast, and it
shows up all dry in the middle. And for the last time, french toast was
not invented by Lou French in a Brooklyn diner in 1957, nor was it
"invented" by anybody else, much like sliced bread was not the brainwave
of a courtier to a Plantagenet court by the name of Joseph Slicer, and
Plato did not invent the plate. The Captain told me that five years
ago, it still annoys the hell out of me, and no, I still won't stay at a
Red Roof Inn.

My Minor Museums of Michigan Ave Manual

In my opinion, there are three tragically underrated snacks for the human mind on Michigan Ave, should a frantic shopper need to take a break and decompress under the vast dome of human history, thought and expression. (And the Art Institute isn't one of them, I'm so bored to tears with megamall museums.) North to south, if I was cruising up and down Michigan Ave with a power shopper and I needed to exercise the little grey cells, here's where I'd seriously recommend popping into.

First, right by the river in one of Chicago's most striking buildings is the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum, which sounds insanely hokey, but isn't. I went in to check out a friend's work, absolutely expecting the fifth grade field trip experience, and while there were guys dressed as 18th century minutemen in the lobby, I was really pleasantly surprised by a serious attempt to engage with issues of freedom of expression in American history with a neutral perspective. The works of expression highlighted in this museum range from Thomas Jefferson's brief note on the right to self-determination of the American colonies the Continental Congress had messengered over to King George III appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the rectitude of their intentions, all the way to NWA's similarly insubordinate opus “Fuck da Police”. As you can imagine, the banned music kiosk is probably my favorite exhibit, with a collection of samples of songs spanning decades, with an explanation of how and why particular songs were kept out of the public ear, whether by government censorship, radio station boycotts, or the whim of retailers. This is actually kind of hard to miss, it's in the giant, beautiful building with rocks from famous sites around the world like the Taj Mahal and the Moon, and across the street is the entrance to Billy Goat's, which is stimulating to the liver and the pancreas if not the mind.

Right on the south side of the bridge is another recent McCormick Tribune foundation creation, the Bridgehouse & Chicago River Museum, worth a look and easy to see in under half an hour. The whole five story bridge tower is opened up to the public with an equal mix of Chicago history and modern environmentalism explained along a series of stairs and landings, starting with a view of the gigantic works that open the bridge to passing ships. The whole exhibit combines smoothly a history of the grand metropolis rising from the swampy river delta (and explains why the river defies the Tao and flows the wrong way) with a more natural view of the river. The man-made marvel of the bridgeworks that convert land to open sky and water is set against the small scale fish hotels bound to the side of the embankment, providing safe haven and breeding ground for the fish who claimed the river long before Chicago. Going up the tower, mixed into the history of the canal and lock system, the technological terror that imposed Chicago's will on several million years of erosion and drainage in North America and sends Lake Michigan water pouring into the Mississippi, is a whole explanation of how sewers and storm drains work, and what hopefully should and should not go into them to keep the river healthy. Usually that kind of pride in the ability of man to conquer nature doesn't mix with the kind of awe and respect for the natural world that drives environmentalism, so I have to admire the creators of this exhibit for finding a common voice for it. So while I wouldn't pop in here every weekend, it's worth checking out, and I can't think of a more convenient way to take in a bit of Chicago history and get a little cardio in climbing up and down all those stairs.

The last spot I've certainly raved about at length elsewhere, like in chapter six of my travelogue From Chicago to Chisago and Back Again, but I still believe the Museum of Contemporary Photography is always worth a brief detour to Michigan & Harrison. There has always been at least one image in that museum that lingered in my thoughts for days and days, for it's sheer provocative beauty, and since the first time I entered it back in March it's been an essential stop on any Chicago trip. Plus it's free, and the suggested donation box is way over on the wall so I can get by with tossing in whatever might be in my pocket, and some of the books for sale (like Larry Sultan's “The Valley”) are well worth it. Inside the Columbia College building at Michigan and Harrison, there's a whole huge park across the street, buses going by, easy access to brown and red line trains at Adams and Harrison respectively, and the Metra Electric and South Shore lines at Van Buren station for anyone needing to get back to Indiana to feed their moaning cat, so there's really no excuse not to check it out.

And if you find yourself doing some hardcore retail therapy on Wells Ave, there's no better place to fuel up before hand than Nookie's (tell 'em Crockett and Tubbs sent you) and working your way south, Amstelboy assures me there's no better place to put your feet up, wash down a couple poppers, and take in a little culture and good company than the Bijou Theatre, but you may find it hard to get up and walk back up Wells afterwards. (I have no idea what he means by that.)

A brief note in praise of Superbad

Despite feeling a bit past teen sex comedies, I couldn't stop laughing at Superbad. I think the central characters are very much out of the teen movie I didn't want to see: they're incredibly funny for a while, but no matter how much wit a movie can bring to exploring the lives of a bunch of teenagers, it will tend to exhaust the limits of their existence too quickly for a feature film. But Superbad has McLovin.  Every scene with McLovin and the two cops played by Bill Hader and Seth Rogen is just fucking hilarious. It's the second storyline really makes Superbad work, so in the end, it's all pretty funny. Anyone looking for more obscene gestures to make at me from their car on Michigan Ave should definitely check this movie out.

Capra Chameleon

What the hell is going on with goat culture in Chicago? To be sure, a population of nearly 10 million people in the Chicagoland area (most of them women) and two baseball teams creates a sizable demand for goats and goat products, particularly unusual cheeses. But there is something odd about the number of goat related events I find in that city, some of which I captured in my travelogue "Of Green Goats and Blackberry Bankers", which I'm told is a smashing good read (okay no, nobody really told me that). Bars and baseball teams live and die on the whims of stray goats, people are serving goat at parties, and trying to kick a hangover at a Chicago movie theater, I swear I saw a goat playing some sort of woodwind instrument, but that may have been the green dye and sambuca talking.

I thought maybe it was just one wild, braying weekend, but then I poke around Nobo's blog and it turns out she's listening to the Mountain Goats and making her own goat cheese. Not that I can object to either, because of all the fine times I had eating the feta cheese laden greek pizza at Luce... although I think the first time I heard of the Mountain Goats, somebody was telling me "International Small Arms Traffic Blues" was very reminiscent of dating me, and I don't think that was supposed to be nice.

My goat related love and libation experiences aside, why is Chicago the epicenter of all these capric goings-on? Is this some sort of back-up plan if Chicago doesn't get the 2016 Olympics, to become the goat capital of North America and use all those green spaces and unneeded Olympic venues over to bedouin goatherders? I don't now, but I assure you, I intend to find out.

Vikings Playoff Update

Unbelievably after their atrocious start to the season, the Vikings 7-6 and currently holding on to the last wild card spot, and while the division title is out of reach, either wild card spot is possible. Ideally the Vikings will get the top wild card spot, beat the champs of the South or West, and record a stunning upset of the Packers in the division round. Clearly they will then ride that high to a karmic reversal of the '75 Whiskey Bottle Game and beat the Cowboys to make the Superbowl (where they will pass the Bills and Broncos with a record fifth Superbowl loss... the Patriots are on too much of a roll).

Here is our enemies list, the teams fighting with the Vikings for the last two wild card spots:

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (likely to win their division)
New York Giants (our big rival for the top spot)
Washington Redskins
Arizona Cardinals
Detroit Lions
New Orleans Saints
Carolina Panthers
Chicago Bears
Philadelphia Eagles

To secure a spot, the Vikings have to either win out or get some help, so here's who to root for in every NFL game relevant to the Vikings this week:

Falcons v Saints
Tonight the Saints are still a potential threat, while the Falcons are not, so I think Vikings fans should root for the Falcons to knock the Saints to 5-8, and simplify the play-off picture. On the other hand, keeping the Saints motivated would put pressure on a couple of their remaining opponents: the 6-7 Cardinals and the 5-8 Eagles who are way back but have a tie-breaker over the Vikings.

Next Sunday there are seven games of interest to the Vikings.

The easy calls:
Lions v Chargers
Falcons v Buccaneers
Seahawks v Panthers
The Chargers aren't in our conference, and the Lions can still hurt the Vikings, so I hope the lightning bolts beat the hell out of them. Since the Buccaneers and Seahawks are likely to win the NFC South and West respectively and be out of the wild card race anyways, the other two games really only decide if the Vikings want to face the Bucs or Seahawks in the first round (currently Seattle has an effective 1.5 game edge with the tiebreaker). I'd like both to stay hungry and keep handing losses to other NFC teams, so I'm rooting for the Bucs to keep the pressure up while Seattle wears out their starters and knocks down the Panthers trying to say ahead of Tampa.

The leaders:
Eagles v Cowboys
Packers v Rams
In terms of making the play-offs, the Cowboys can help finish off the Eagles, the only team with tie-breakers against the Vikings, so that's a good thing. The Packers only matter if the Vikings are looking for a future third game re-match, in which case it might be better if the Packers finish on top and get the second wild card in a potential second round game. The Eagles are more important, so I'd root for both the Packers and Cowboys to win: knock out the Eagles, but keep our options open. I hate rooting for the Packers to win, but I want them going down to the wire with the Cowboys and not resting their starters.

The tricky games:
Cardinals v Saints
Both are potential threats and depending on the outcome of the MNF game, these two will likely be tied at 6-7 next week, one game behind the Vikings. The Saints have a tougher schedule, facing potential play-off teams, and won't waltz into the play-offs, but if they catch the Vikings they'll have a tie-breaker on conference record. If they Falcons should win tonight, then both the Saints and Cardinals could be 6-8 after next week and take a lot of pressure off the Vikings, but a Cardinals win would probably help the Vikings more than a Saints win.

Giants v Redskins
If only there was a way for them both to lose... The Giants hold the top wild card spot with a two game lead, but are vulnerable to the Vikings thanks to that Eli Manning meltdown that gave us the tie-breaker. The Redskins are a threat to eliminate the Vikings, but if they win and take the Giants down a peg, the Vikings still have a decisive home game against the Redskins. Given the effective 1.5-game swing for the winner of that game, if a few other games go the Vikings way I'd say one more win for the Redskins now is less important than keeping the Giants in reach (I hate the Giants too much to be objective).

Monday Night:
Vikings v Bears
If they Vikings win, they will eliminate the Bears from the play-offs, and set an 8-win minimum for a wild card spot, potentially eliminating the Panthers, Saints, and Eagles, and putting the fear into either the Giants or Redskins. Every Vikings-Bears game is crazy, so anything could happen.

So here's who I'm rooting for:

Falcons over Saints
Buccaneers over Falcons
Cardinals over Saints
Chargers over Lions
Cowboys over Eagles
Packers over Rams
Seahawks over Panthers
Redskins over Giants (tentatively)
Vikings over Bears

The Last Few Movies I've Seen

I lost my computer with all my half-finished movie reviews and blog entries, but here are the last few movies I've seen.

Balls of Fury is tremendously silly, but curiously amusing tale of a former ping-pong champion recruited to infiltrate a Far East crime lord's organization through his sudden death ping pong tournament. It has a healthy dose of very silly Christopher Walken and a lot of other silliness, and if you're into stupid movies, it's really not bad. It's not up to the level of Broken Lizard comedies and some of the other fine silly movies I've seen, but I had a lot of fun (although the company helped).

Fred Claus is the slightly less silly story of Santa Claus's unappreciated younger brother Fred, although it is still pretty silly. It has some problems, like way too many sappy subplots that contribute to an overly long running time, but it has a few things going for it, most notably Vince Vaughn's mile a minute Chicago con man. Flaws and all, I really did like Fred Claus, for its holiday message that even well-intentioned relatives can still be a major pain in the ass, and that even the cloying Claus family has a few issues surface around the dinner table.

I was really looking forward to Дневной дозор, completing the great Russian horror epic started in Ночной дозор, but I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. Night Watch had something of a unique style that had Russians pouring into theaters in record numbers, but visually Day Watch never reaches the same level outside the opening sequence with the Chalk of Fate, and the plot didn't make a whole lot of sense either... I couldn't help feeling something was lost in translation. I was still interested in how the characters from Night Watch were getting on, and I'd still get suckered into any third entry in the trilogy, but there's really no rush.

I first caught Sean Ellis's short film "Cashback" because it was nominated for an Oscar in 2006, and I found it to be a fun meditation on art and the female form, full of bright humor and delightfully naked women, as an artist explains the art of surviving working at a
supermarket overnight. The feature film of the same name includes the entire short film and expands on it in both directions, adding a lot of humor and a bit of romance, but losing along the way some of the poignancy of the short film. The feature film takes what I took to be a metaphor, a painter's ability to freeze time capturing a moment on canvas, and makes it a literal ability to freeze time. It's still a cool movie and I'd highly recommend it to anyone with access to decent movies, but I would recommend watching Ellis' short film first (almost certainly on the same DVD).