Thursday, December 03, 2009

Amstelbooij's To-Do List for moving to Jersey City


  1. Find new anthem to replace “Sweet Home Chicago”. Slim pickings for music fans under 60... perhaps Don Henley's “New York Minute”?
  2. Say goodbye to all the guys at Steamworks... I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow!
  3. Get ready to ride The Fairy from Jersey City. Oh yeah, baby... wait, what do you mean that's a boat?
  4. Buy new flippers. Boy, the complete lack of aquatic life in the river will be much less distracting when scuba diving!
  5. Get a cheaper bicycle with fewer gears, because there's no hills to climb in Jersey unless you hit a landfill.
  6. Pick new football team, either the Giants or the Jets, or ummm... the Eagles or something. Fuck it, who's winning this year?
  7. Learn the rules of baseball. (All I remember from Chicago baseball is Old Style beer and churros.)
  8. Buy tickets on the Chinatown bus to New York... 800 miles for $4. (Or maybe just catch the Ang-Mo Town bus from Singapore.)
  9. Get a map of the Pine Barrens so I can find the Jersey Devil and blow him. (Again with the gay jokes? Seriously?)
  10. Get ready to live in a well-governed state where the last Governor isn't a punchline. Okay wait, maybe we should live in the City... no that won't help either. Damnit.

No comments:

Post a Comment