1. Everybody hates Zug
It's not just me. Nobody can go there for business (or in my case via chicanery) without catching some twinge of the evil spirit that pervades the place, causing an imbalance of the humors that leads to uncontrollable, bilious outbursts whenever the very name of Zug is mentioned. It's the unhappiest place on earth.
2. Freddie Mercury was a freighter captain
And he had a dirty, dirty hold. Seriously I have a good source on this.
3. Democrats are in league with the forces of terror
Thanks to Mitt Romney, we now know that a vote for anyone but the Republican frontrunner (regardless of who that may be) is a vote in favor of the forces of terror that threaten to overwhelm the world. Kind of makes you wonder why he ran in the first place, if all his candidacy was doing was sowing the seeds of discord for القاعدة.
4. Omarosa is batshit crazy
This was actually not much of a surprise, but you've got to love somebody who knows she's on thin ice and certain to be fired if her team loses... and figures the best thing to do is to sabotage her own team. Apparently her thinking was if she could provoke a meltdown through constant personal insults about Piers Morgan's family, she could throw him to the wolves. And on TV no less, just to make sure nobody wants to work with her ever again. She's the only non-celebrity on the Celebrity Apprentice, basically because watching her implode and take people down with her makes for good television, and to be fair, it is an amazing achievement to make Piers Morgan look like an embattled man of principle.
5. Scotland has its own legal system
As part of the act of union, Scotland has maintained its own legal and judicial system for the last three hundred years. I still can't figure out why the English are so desperate to hold onto all their various appendages... to quote Eddie Izzard, “Not the Falkland Islands! We need those for strategic sheep purposes!”
6. Jenna Jameson carries a gangster roll.
No checkbook for Jenna Jameson (although I do shudder to think of where she might keep it) who pulled out this giant wad of bills to pay for a charity carriage ride with her boyfriend. Apparently she's left her husband after several years of exclusively performing with him, and hooked up with an ultimate fighter which is probably why she doesn't worry about getting mugged carrying $10,000 in cash on her person (although she may just have a good hiding place).
7. Mike Huckabee is the key to understanding the intricacies of our universe.
Stephen Colbert claims he created Mike Huckabee, although Conan O'Brien claims his revitalization of Chuck Norris as a public figure made Norris' endorsement of Huckabee meaningful, while Jon Stewart claims to have created both O'Brien and Colbert, and by extension, Norris and Huckabee... and they had a knock-down, drag-out fight between the three of them to settle it that Jon Stewart described as “the dumbest thing ever shown on television”. That's a lot of TV history Mike Huckabee managed to tap into, and a lot of silliness, and it's sadly probably what I'll remember about the 2008 Republican primary season.
8. In Japan, fingering a stranger's butthole isn't just for the bathhouse.
There's an arcade game in Japan called Boonga-Boonga in which a player chooses a character representing some vexing person in their life, and then fingers their ass while they scream. I don't even know where to begin commenting on this one.
9. Crowd shots at the AVN Awards are a lot more fun than the Oscars.
Old directors clapping and grimacing irritably at the camera in their face, or hot young women pulling their dresses open and kissing each others breasts when the camera comes by. You decide.
10. Washington State loves church, Mike Huckabee not so much.
The Washington State Republican Party had a caucus to assign half their delegates, then never bothered to let anybody know how those delegates were assigned, or if they'd ever finished counting ballots. Seriously still no delegate count on CNN a week later, but last Saturday night they were so sure a 2% lead would hold up (with 13% of ballots uncounted) they announced a winner and, according to the state party, had to quit counting ballots so they could go home and be well-rested and alert for church the next morning. Then the evangelical candidate, Huckabee, sued them for a recount, apparently believing they could have slept in and gone to the evening service.
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