Tom Brady is famous for having three Superbowl rings and two very deep notches on his bedpost, Bridget Moynahan and Giselle Bundchen (who has cut a few notches of her own). Given the celebrity sex tapes that circulate as soon as we get bored or a rich girl with more connections than talent decides she should be famous (who the the fuck is Kim Kardashian?) and has her unkempt parolee boyfriend film her acting bored while going down on him. (I probably shouldn't be so familiar with this genre but there's something fascinating and amusing about how boring these women are even in bed.) I would think that the sexy sidekick of such films as I, Robot and The Recruit would be a prime candidate to leak a tape and come off strong off of childbirth, especially since she had Tom Brady to film it. Working off the pregnancy weight and getting naked worked for Charisma Carpenter... okay, maybe not so much.
I think there are any number of reasonable objections to this, because it turns out Tom Brady has been making videotapes, and he wasn't gentlemanly about it either. He was filming people without their consent, when they believed no one was watching, and then he went out and shared it with his teammates. The really sick thing is he wasn't filming himself with Giselle and Bridget. (I guess that should be “or”, but I prefer my way.) No, that filthy bastard was filming the New York Jets.
Before I get more Tom Brady related flames from strangers who've googled my blog*, Brady wasn't making sex tapes with the New York Sack Exchange, his team was just filming other team's practices to steal their defensive signals, but the Patriots are in deep shit over this (and it's more amusing to me to picture Peeping Tom Brady and his camcorder than an underpaid, faceless scout and his unpaid intern doing it). This calls into question the unlikely continued dominance of the New England Patriots. When the outcome of a football game is determined by things that happen off the field, and results are retroactively reversed so the win you paid money to see was actually a loss... that's death to a sport. So what really makes me angry is that with access to Bridget Moynahan and Giselle Bundchen, he could have at a stroke dramatically improved the quality of celebrity sex tapes, but instead he made videotapes that ruined football... what the hell is wrong with him?
The other reason I'm so upset is if it wasn't for the Patriots stealing their defensive signals, the Vikings might have lost by less than 24 points in that godawful game last year where my back was killing me and some drunk woman screamed at me for leaving early as I limped up the stairs because I couldn't sit up straight and the muscles on my left side were locking up. Now that was a miserable day... and I blame Tom Brady.
*-I made a brief entry last spring on Brady's reported status as fertility god, and I was kind of shocked to find irascible strangers arguing about it in the comments section.
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