Italian Referee Scandal Fallout

For anybody not following this story, what was long suspected in Italian football, that some top clubs (Juventus in particular) got favorable refereeing, was finally proved. Juventus had a scheme for seeing that friendly referees were assigned to their games, and supposedly to counteract this Milan had a scheme to skew the assignment of linesmen. Franco Zefirelli was once sued for libel after making a film trying to highlight all the questionable calls that go Juve's way, but now he's been vindicated. Milan, Lazio, and Fiorentina were all caught in this scandal when it broke, and all have been punished. There was little evidence that Milan was directly interfering, and the top management weren't be directly implicated, so they really aren't coming out of this too badly. Here are the penalties:

Lazio was relegated to Serie B, and will start the season with a 7 point penalty. They could be back in Serie A the next year, depending on whether their players stick around. Lazio may have a giant fire sale and take a little longer to recover, given the drop in income.

Fiorentina was also relegated to Serie B with a 12 point penalty, so they'll have a rougher time climbing back up even with players sticking around. Following a good World Cup, Luca Toni should bring in a lot of money if they sell him now.

Juventus got hit the hardest, relegated to Serie B with a 30 point penalty. Especially not knowing who'll stick around for next year, the penalty will mean next season they'll be playing to avoid relegation to Serie C for the 2007. The prosecutor's recommendation was relegation to Serie C with a 6 point penalty, which would have meant they'd be in Serie B in 2007 for sure, this way they'll have to fight to even be sure of that.

Milan had 44 points deducted from this season, meaning they went from 2nd to 7th, and a 15 point penalty next year. The crazy thing is theoretically Milan should have missed out on European competition because of that deduction, but Empoli, for what reason I don't know, doesn't have a license to play in European competition, so Milan will possibly play in the UEFA Cup. A 15 point deduction means Milan also has a shot at playing in the Champions league in 2007, or at least the UEFA Cup. This is pretty significant, if they do well in Europe they won't take a big hit to their income and can keep a strong squad together, while their biggest rival will be rebuilding for years.

It's not clear yet how the loss of top players and the income to retain and replace them will affect these clubs. Going into next year, a largely unchallenged and stocked with talent Inter Milan will find a way to choke the title away, leaving it wide open. Francesco Totti's decision to stay his entire career at Roma has been criticized in the past, since he could have been a bigger star at a bigger club, but now that decision has to be looking pretty good to him, with only choke-happy Inter between him and another scudetto. It should be an interesting season in Serie A and Serie B, for sure.

The Aftermath of the Headbutt

Supposedly Italian lip-readers have tried to ascertain what Marco Materazzi said right before Zinedine Zidane head-butted him, and according to submissions to the Corriere della Sera, this is what he said to set Zidane off:

"Guarda, Zizou, che quando Sartre propone di restaurare la dialettizzazione intersoggettiva resuscitando la libertà che, pur non essendo mai scomparsa come condizione dell'agire individuale, è divenuta il modo nel quale l'uomo alienato deve vivere a perpetuità il suo carcere e finalmente la sola maniera che egli abbia di scoprire la necessità delle sue alienazioni e delle sue impotenze, secondo me non ha capito una mazza"

(translation)

"Look Zizou, when Sartre proposes to restore intersubjective dialectization, thus resuscitating freedom, which, even if it has never disappeared as a condition of individual actions, has become the way in which the alienated human being must live his prison forever, and finally the only way that he has to discover the necessity of his own alienations and impotencies...well, I think that he's talking bullshit"

Apparently the first rule of French football is if you're going to talk trash, you better damned well leave Jean-Paul Sartre out of it. Actually, what did go around seriously was that Zidane was sick of Materazzi grabbing his jersey, so he told him he could have it after the game if he wanted it so bad, which they both confirm, although Materazzi says Zidane said it in an arrogant way, justifying his own insulting retort. The unofficial story goes on to say that he called Zidane's (recently hospitalized) mother a terrorist whore, and further suggested that all arabs were dirty muslim terrorists. Somehow I don't think that's what I'd say to a legendarily short-tempered French arab player who's been thrown out of 14 games, sometimes for headbutting or stomping on opponents. The last time was actually IN GERMANY, for fuck's sake (Juventus v HSV in a Champions League game in Hamburg).

Zidane only says he shouldn't have done it with children watching, because he knows as a father how hard it is to teach children appropriate behavior and that media images of misbehavior like his just make it more difficult. He also confirmed that "hard words" were spoken about his mother and his sister to set him off, but didn't say what they were. Materazzi claims he didn't know what terrorist meant, which is usually how I pick my insults. Materazzi's Keanu-esque nickname "Matrix" never seemed more appropriate than when applied to a guy who got headbutted in the chest so hard he couldn't get up after using a word he didn't understand.

Creepy Bee Video

I was trying to look up some information on hornets, yellowjackets, and other wasps to help out Candy Man with the nests they keep building on his deck, and I came up with this really creepy video of 30 hornets taking on a nest of 30,000 bees.  Martin Sheen's narration was apparently inspired by his voice-over musings about Vietnam in Apocalypse Now, and the music really adds a dramatic tinge to the unfolding horror, but the weirdest thing is as the bees are mercilessly torn apart... well, there are human screams dubbed over the footage.  I found that odd anthropomorphic touch to be really, really creepy.  Now, between that video and all the Candy Man jokes I keep thinking of every time I talk to Paul living in the wasp-infested shadow of Cabrini Green, I keep expecting bees to fly up out of everything I touch.  Seriously, I'm too freaked out to even watch the Charlotte Sting (they have center who's like a young, estrogen-rich Arvydas Sabonis), and don't even even bring up Vitesse or Borussia Dortmund.

Let the Dog In

I've been at my parents' house for over an hour, and the neighbors' dog has been sitting outside their back door barking its head off waiting to be let in for the entire time. Apparently 3-inch thick glass on the windows to block the dog out was cheaper than a few hours of obedience school. I just thought I'd mention that. Don't get me started on the people across the alley from me who have a 3 foot square patch of artificial grass on their concrete porch so their dogs can piss and shit on it in full view of everybody.

Hollywood Hunger Strike

I read a brief mention of Susan Sarandon and Sean Penn going on a hunger strike in support of Cindy Sheehan, which initially really surprised me. Obviously those two have been vocally opposed to the war, so the issue wasn't a surprise, but a hunger strike is pretty serious business. While studying a film about the hunger strikers in the Maze in 1981, I got a detailed account of how the human body starts to break down without food. The damage done to the eyes and other organs is permanent, and significantly shortens the life of most hunger strikers. Bobby Sands died after 66 days, but well before that he and the other strikers in the Maze lost their eyesight, become delirious, unable to keep down water, and eventually went into comas as their bodies shut down. In other words, it isn't like that Simpsons episode where Homer gets up after not being on a hunger striker for weeks and eats the hot dog with southwestern toppings on it.

Given all that, I thought it was hard to believe that Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, Willie Nelson, and Danny Glover were willing to sacrifice their bodies to the extent you have to before a hunger strike gets serious. I'll concede, Sean Penn seems nutty enough, maybe Willie looks at his drug-riddled 73-year old body and wants wants his onrushing death to mean something, and I'm sure Danny Glover doesn't have anything better to do. Since Susan Sarandon says she protests out of responsibility to her children, I think she might also find it irresponsible to tell them mommy has to protect their future by leaching all the nutrients out of her internal organs, deliriously and blindly vomiting on them when they visit her, and lapsing into a fatal coma to make a point to the press. In any case, of the 546 constitutional office holders, 544 don't have any influence over the war, and the other two only watch Fox News (who probably won't cover the story).

So fortunately, the initial report was misleading, and the hunger strikes won't interfere with production of "In Search of Captain Zero", "The Colossus", or "Be Kind Rewind". Apparently there will be a "rolling programme" [sic] of hunger protests, in which the actors will take turns abstaining from food for a day. So every day, there will be a single rich person abstaining from food, which I'm sure the president will find intolerable. I mean, he'll spend a whole day fretting about Susan Sarandon being inconvenienced, then he doesn't get any relief when her day ends because then Danny Glover will be uncomfortable somewhere. Until September 21st, International Peace Day, when they conclude their protest after less than three months. They couldn't even keep going until the midterm elections? Will the Minnesota DFL even have chosen
candidates for congress and the senate by then? I think I should find six people and have rotating food hours until Bastille Day. I'll start us off: I won't eat between 8 and 9, and 2 and 3, somebody will take between 9 and 10 and 3 and 4, and by July 14, I'm sure America will have rallied behind us.

One other note about hunger strikes, I find it amusing that the British government recently campaigned to get a name change for the street in Tehran where their embassy is located. Previously it honored former prime minister Winston Churchill, but in the 80s the Iranians renamed it after another former member of parliament... Bobby Sands (better known for his poetry and terrorism than his three week term in office). Iranian passport control officials apparently sometimes greet Irish tourists by raising a fist and saying "Bobby Sands, no food. Welcome to Iran."

Brazil in the Last 4 World Cups

Just in case anybody else was keeping track of the Brazilian mystique, here's everybody they've beaten in the knock-out rounds of the last 4 World Cups*:

2nd Round Wins:
United States '94
Chile '98
Belgium '02
Ghana '06

Quarterfinal Wins:
Netherlands '94
Denmark '98
England '02

Semifinal Wins:
Sweden '94
Turkey '02

Final Wins:
Germany '02

Out of all those knock-out games, only the Dutch team from the '94 quarterfinals was a threat to win anything, but their best player also walked out during the tournament. There were a couple good draws in there that Brazil won on PKs, but that's against legendary penalty chokers Italy and Holland, not exactly dominating the sport. Adding the teams that lost to Brazil in the first round but went on to the knock-out rounds, since they would arguably be of the same caliber:

1st Round:
Turkey '02
Australia '06

I'm just saying, those quarterfinal wins were all solid, but even I was surprised to look back and see how many tomato cans their wins came against. And even then, a lot of those involved close scrapes and dodgy refereeing, I mean the ref apologized to Marc Wilmots for screwing him after one of those games. I would say against teams who went into the World Cup looking to win, Brazil went 1-2-2, so I'm taking the field again in 2010. (I didn't count Germany and England in 2002, both could have been eliminated in the first round without anyone raising an eyebrow that year.)

*-Nobody's even reading this, much less keeping track, but allow me my delusions. Some days the only thing that keeps the loneliness from driving me insane is my close relationship with my collection of singing potatoes.

France v Portugal

Just to clarify, no matter what ESPN says, there is no magazine called El Equipe in France and there was also nobody named Em Jacquet in the stadium. There is a magazine called L'Equipe, who once printed an apology to Aime Jacquet after they ripped him and he won the World Cup.

God I love fucking France. Actually I love anybody who takes out Portugal so I don't have to watch them try to flop their way to a win. Seriously, my fucking god does Cristiano Ronaldo go down more easily than an East Dubuque stripper with a $20 bill in her hand. I've never seen dives so obvious go unpunished, either, when he's out of position and can't make a play on the ball, so he runs up to somebody and tries to fall against them. The play where Nuno Valented megged a defender on the edge of the box and sent a pass through but missed Ronaldo and Postiga, upon which they both fell over at the same time was priceless, especially since the French defenders were moving away from them.

What makes it funnier is France scored on a penalty, when Thierry Henry just inside the box faked a Portuguese defender out so badly the guy fell down backwards, but took a desperate flail at the ball after Henry had already moved it away to set up his next move. Henry took a crack on the shin as he turned to pursue his ball, which really only hindered him slightly, but he hit the ground arms windmilling. He clearly made a meal of it when he went down, but it was a foul clear as day. Zidane did his funky hook shot where he faces right and whips his leg around to send the ball left, perfectly placed inside the post. Ricardo read it perfectly, but couldn't get to it. I'm actually tremendously impressed with Ricardo, I assume he'll be catching a train to Spain this fall, since he's listed as playing for Sporting in Portugal.

Given that penalty, Portugal figured they'd try their luck, and a few minutes later, Cristiano Ronaldo couldn't get to a cross so he put his hands up and takes the most theatrical dive I've ever seen, running in with his his hands up and jumping as high as he can when he gets near a defender, letting his body go limp at the apex of his flight, descending like tragic Icarus into the sea. If there hadn't been a cross going over his head, the guy would have been carded for diving, so he came out of it fairly fortunate. This didn't stop the Portuguese bench from going nuts, mobbing the 4th official, and throwing a water bottle onto the field. Seriously, they conduct themselves like animals, and Cristiano Ronaldo has such a reputation now that he misses as many legitimate calls as he gets, and I think the Dutch didn't just hammer him because they knew he'd dive anyways. It only infuriates me because the guy is seriously so fucking talented.

France certainly kept it nightmarishly close as only France can do. When Cristiano Ronaldo dove for a free kick in the 78th minute, his shot went right to Barthez, who scooped it straight up in the air. That almost led to the equalizer, but Luis Figo headed the ball over the bar. Injury time took a year off my life as the Portuguese were relentlessly pounding away at the French goal. Even Ricardo came all the way up for that, taking bicycle kicks outside the box to keep Portugal's attack alive, and that guy handles the ball well for a keeper.

Zinedine Zidane has said he's retiring from club and country after the World Cup, and is certainly playing every game like it's his last. Tonight he was incredible in maintaining possession, which is really the thing that's really freaky about him. He can play keep-away with 3-4 players from one of the world's best teams, and it's like a 6'5" man holding a ball over his head to keep it away from 7 year old kids, nobody's even got a chance at getting it from him. At one point he just casually stood and stared down the entire Portuguese back line, like "You guys know better to even try, huh?" The final is going to be an absolute hell of a game.

It was nice to see a fairly physical game with some nastiness and diving end with one nice image of sportsmanship, when the captains, Zidane and Figo, exchanged armbands and jerseys. Those two are wily old veterans, both just fantastic to watch in their prime, and it was cool to see Zidane celebrating with his French teammates with Luis Figo's jersey on. Plus I will say this for Portugal, that is a cool color for a jersey, and that color looks great on the Italian keepers as well. The 3rd place game may be pretty good, since usually in these tournaments it's somebody talented who could basically give a flying fuck about 3rd place against some smaller team that gets a lot of pride from 3rd place, like Holland v Croatia in '98, so the small team wins. Germany will be playing at home, and Portugal still may have enough to prove that taking down Germany in Stuttgart would be good.

I'm so totally going into withdrawal once this is over, it's not going to be pretty.

France 1-0 Portugal
'33 Zidane (pen)

Germany v Italy

Fuck the game, I can't believe the goals! I have over the years ripped on the Italians for being so afraid of losing they couldn't beat a decent team unless their opponent choked the game away (like Holland in the Euro2000 semifinal), but my god they came out firing in extra time, and kept it up until the end. These Italians are much more aggressive than in previous years when they had the 5-3-1-1 going, and still so far nobody's scored on them but themselves. Anyways, a game with 2 minutes left in extra time with the dream match-up of the notoriously nervous penalty takers who choke games away, versus the German penalty machine that never misses, and for once the Italians decided not to go out like that.

The first goal started with a shot by Andrea Pirlo, taking a ball out of the air 30 yards out he settles and takes off, leaving a turning around behind him trying to figure out where he went, gets some room, and as Mertesacker tries to run with him to deny the clear shot, Pirlo cuts his shot back behind Mertesacker from 25 yards out, with enough power and height on it that Lehmann has to punch it out for a corner. Del Piero takes the corner, which was headed down and out of the box to Pirlo, who moved right and as defenders came his way and forgot about Fabio Grosso, Pirlo without looking up knocks a gentle ball into the box to him. A wide open Grosso takes the far post shot, out in front of the defenders who try to get in his way, but taking a nasty bend inside the post. There's like two defenders and the keeper on a straight line between him and the goal, and his shot goes just around them and then changes course into the goal. Just fucking evil, I tell you.

As all the Germans come forward, the Italians do what they do best, clear a long shot up into the air, and as Podolski tries to settle it, Cannavaro leaps in to head it forward, for the counter. Gilardino takes it in one on one with a German defender moving right across the top of the box, then cheekily cuts it back with a move that looks like he shouldn't be able to turn his ankle that way for Alessandro del Piero coming in behind him, and Del Piero takes the perfect shot over Lehmann into the far corner.

For most of this game the Italians were creating the better chances, even though they were few and far between and weren't getting much for it, while the Germans were settling for long shots by Ballack from 30 yards out. Podolski and Klose were pretty invisible for most of the game, hooking up with Ballack only a couple times in 2 hours. Pretty tough stuff defensively, but not the complete catenaccio defensive bullshit the Italians used to sit back with. When they came out for extra time the Italians really put some heart-stopping shots, like Gilardino going to the endline, and as a defender tried to close, cutting upfield and letting the guy run past him, then as Lehmann leans back to cover the far post, Gilardino bangs it in front of him, but off the post like a hammer. That was such a fucking awesome "We've forgotten more about this game than you ever knew" moment, making the Germans look so clumsy, I enjoyed it immensely. Seriously, shit like that is why I love watching France, the head down, ankle-breaking "it's hard work making you look this bad" playground moves. I just thought the Italians showed some fucking style is all.

Going completely backwards, the first half highlight for me was Francesco Totti running for a ball, only to have Michael Ballack get there first and instead of playing the ball, step over it so he could shield it from Totti and put a shoulder to him. Ballack realizes Totti's coming at him like a freight train and ducks down a bit, and Totti figuring he can squeeze a foul out of the wedge Ballack has made out of his body, jumps and rolls over Ballack's back, arms flailing, like he's been sent flying, and lands hard and stays down. The ref called a foul because of Ballack was so obviously playing to put a hit on Totti, not a foot to the ball. When Totti stays down, the ref came over and sarcastically started gesturing for him to get up and quit acting hurt to lobby for a yellow card, and even Totti looked like he was about to crack a smile at his own theatrics.

Italy advances to the World Cup Final, Germany to the 3rd place game, which they will almost certainly win, since the team with the most to prove always wins, and Germany will be playing in front of home fans.

Italy 2-0 Germany
'119 Grosso
'121+ Del Piero

France v Brazil

The last time these teams met in the World Cup, Zinedine Zidane took Brazil down to Chinatown, and honestly today wasn't a whole lot different. It wasn't the 3-0 anal probe the French gave them in Paris, but this does mean that in four World Cups, the only team to eliminate Brazil was France. I will be ranting more about Brazil because of all the tongues up their asses worldwide, but I'll do that once I take another look at previous World Cups. France is kind of the nightmare opponent for Brazil though, since they aren't intimidated, can match them in depth and experience, and have the star power to get calls, unlike most of Brazil's opponents (cough cough Belgium).

Brazil didn't really show much firepower in this game until the final minutes, and even then it was sparked by Ronaldo's blatant dive, falling over the grass in front of Lilian Thuram, who got the most ridiculous yellow card awarded in this tournament. I seriously thought it was on Ronaldo for diving until I saw Thuram arguing. The beautiful free kick over the bar by Ronaldinho just proves that cheaters never win, and that will be the last contribution of Ronaldo to World Cup soccer, since he's already too fat and slow at age 29. Actually maybe the yellow card that Kaka got up and demanded the ref give to Sagnol was more silly, because it reinforces the fall down then prissily mime waving the card gesture that's catching on in Europe right now.

For a lot of this game, France was really wreaking havoc on Brazil's defense, catching them in a completely disorganized state. Franck Ribery made some nice runs getting way behind their defense like the speedy little motherfucker he is, and Henry continued his usual run of offside calls. Brazil didn't have much by way of creativity on the offensive end, and France at their best in the last decade has had a curious ability to, when it looks like they're fucked, still stifle attacks and come up with clearances under pressure with a Gallic shrug. One image that will stick with me is Ronaldinho trying to maintain possession and find something to do with the ball while an immense Patrick Vieira was up against him stifling his every move and blocking out the sun.

France's goal was nice, a free kick taken by Zidane on the left, crossed all the way across the box, way over the crowd in the penalty area and everybody who rose up for it, finally dropping at the far post. There an unmarked Thierry Henry jumped up for it and kicked it into the roof of the net, up over Dida coming back across his goal. And then cocked his beret and blew smoke in Dida's face.

I knew France would castrate Brazil if they didn't blow it first. France plays Portugal in the semi-finals.

France 1-0
'57 Henry

England v Portugal

Given my vast experience with the international game at the highest levels, I feel qualified to question England's tactics. Supposedly today they were supposed to play at a higher level because Gary Neville would be returning at right back. He had a long-standing partnership with David Beckham on the right for Manchester United, and for that reason Beckham has always pushed for Neville to start for England and usually gotten his wish. The two of them used to overlap well, and Neville comes pretty far forward, which Beckham couldn't do this World Cup since he's past it and can't get beat anybody on the dribble, or get behind anybody off the ball either. Instead of bringing out his best, Becks was just invisible for most of the game, until he went out injured early in the second half.

Starting Beckham and Joe Cole on the wings, Lampard, Hargreaves, and Gerrard in central midfield, and Rooney alone up front meant arguably England was playing with 5 attacking midfielders and no strikers. Rooney's best touches were sending the ball forward into dangerous areas with nobody on the end of his passes, since he had no striker to play off of, Beckham can't get forward on the wings, and Gerrard and Lampard were trying to set Rooney up out of midfield. France plays a 4-5-1 but they have a scorer up front, they expect their wingers to come up and get on the back side of everything, and of the two defensive midfielders, Vieira comes forward out of midfield into the box to play off of the wingers, strikers, and playmaker. Consequently, they looked better when Aaron Lennon came in for Beckham because he's fast as hell and gets forward.

I came into this game wishing there was a way they could both lose, because I hate watching these teams. England's over-stimulated, energetic style means that when they come up against a team with speed and control, England are just out of control. Portuguese players have speed but can stop on a dime and can hook up on short, controlled passes in a confined area, so against this, England players get all fired up to chase somebody down and then slam into him when he stops makes an unexpected pass. Combine that with the Portuguese penchant for diving and cheap shots, and the game gets a bit rough. In my opinion, Cristiano Ronaldo's reputation cost him some calls, since he has such a reputation for diving and whining. In general this game was pretty flat, with very few really good chances created.

Of course, England never goes out because they lost to a better team, there's always some freak stroke of bad luck that costs them the trophy. There was Beckham's red card ('98), Ronaldinho's 'lucky' goal ('02), the hand of god ('86), the piece of sod that moved ('04), or at worst, some minor tactical decision like their formation was a bit off ('00). Fortunately they have two "if onlys" for this tournament, Beckham's injury and Rooney's red card. Ignore the fact that Beckham was totally useless for most of the tournament, and just assume he would have had the winning goal in the 83rd minute off a free kick taken by Frank Lampard in his absence, despite scoring only one free kick goal for England in the last 3 years.

Rooney was carded after three consecutive offenses, but really going after somebody's balls twice isn't the mark of a classy guy. After the whistle blew Cristiano Ronaldo came over to check on his teammate's testicles, and Rooney, who was in serious risk of being tossed, decided to make it official by shoving Ronaldo. Two more guys came in to join the argument with the ref, and both paused to give Ronaldo an extra shove. I hate that little bastard, but seriously what a total lack of class, which wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't coming from guys who constantly whine about how the rest of the world doesn't hold to the same honorable standard they do, and having 28 TV cameras on them kind of proves what a joke that is. Enough already, I'm even sick of complaining about it, much less watching it. (I have so many complaints about the inferiority of this world, and so little time to address it all.)

For their part, Portugal are dive-happy, classless cheap shot artists and Figo shouldn't have been on the field after his head-butt against Holland. Hugo Vianna got poked in the eye going for a ball, but sucked it up and kept fighting for the ball. He kept possession, and kept his feet until England took the ball back and started a rare fast counter-attack. Then suddenly his eye started bothering him again and he grabbed his face and fell over, meaning a sportsmanlike team would put the ball out of play so he could get treatment. England didn't buy his sudden relapse and ignored him. This whole tactic of stopping the game through fouling (Germany) or fake injury (Portugal) to get a chance to kill counterattacks and reorganize your defense is really starting to be a problem. Portugal has showed flashes of brilliance on their goals, but I've really not enjoyed watching them this tournament.

I was definitely impressed with Aaron Lennon, both for his play and for showing some class in a game that needed it. He went down in the box after a slide tackle by a Portuguese defender, killing one of England's best chances. The largely pro-England crowd went nuts, which is what I would do since it really looked like a penalty in real time. At the next stoppage in play a few seconds later, Owen Hargreaves got in the referee's face about it and got a yellow card for dissent, which is pretty poor sportsmanship. The only guy in an England shirt who didn't raise his arms and act as if he'd been robbed was Lennon, who just got up and ran back downfield. Lennon knew he hadn't been fouled, and the replay showed it was a clean tackle, so good for him, showing some sportsmanship with a whole generation of kids looking at him to know how they're supposed to act on the field. Lennon was later subbed out for Jamie Carragher, anticipating a penalty shoot-out, which turned out to be not such a brilliant game-winning decision.

On PKs, England just sucked, which is about par for the course. The other legendary horrible on PK teams are Italy and Holland, and the Dutch claim it's because they don't practice them because they think it's all down to luck and not skill. Sven-Goran Eriksson says England practice them constantly, but they're still 1-6 all-time to Holland's 0-5. The gold standard is Germany, who as a nation is around 90%, including their youth teams, women's teams, etc.

Anyways, 4 of the 5 Portuguese penalty takers faked out Paul Robinson by changing direction or hesitating to leave him flatfooted, even though Vianna put his off the post. Petit took a wide shot trying to get it past Robinson, who read that one all the way, so Portugal made 3 of the 5 they took. Cristiano Ronaldo, like the prissy little brat he is, did a double hesitation to force Robinson into just guessing, and then put it in the upper corner beyond reach while sending Robinson the other way anyways, so it was basically perfect, and that was the last kick that clinched it for Portugal.

England was a disaster, Ricardo read all four of their shots, and was only beaten by Hargreaves. Ricardo got a hand to that one, but Hargreaves had too much power on it for Ricardo to even slow it down. Lampard, who'd been taking crap shots all tournament, did the I'm too cool for school slow jog and then took a weak shot well within Ricardo's reach with no misdirection, basically a shot that would only work if Ricardo just chose to dive the wrong way, which he didn't do. Gerrard took a better shot, higher up with a lot more on it (like Hargreaves) which would have worked if he could have frozen Ricardo for a split second, but he just ran up and plunked it. I think they just played it expecting that half the time the keeper would dive the wrong way, so you just put the shot on target, expect 2-3 to go in for each team, and hope that the lucky break goes your way. The standard of English goalkeeping has plummeted in the last decade relative to the rest of the world, so this is probably how English keepers play it, figuring it's a 50/50 chance with no skill involved.

The one exception was Jamie Carragher, who came in specifically to take a PK, and thought he'd be tricky by walking back from placing the ball all slowly, and then whirl and run back to take it quickly, to get Ricardo out of his rhythm. Ricardo didn't even bother to go for it, and just stood there with his hands up looking at the ref while the ball went into the net. Because you can't take your shot until the ref blows his whistle. Carragher could potentially have gotten a yellow card for that, and had to go back and retake his kick. The second time he tried to hesitate so he could change direction while Ricardo dove the wrong way. Unfortunately, when Carragher pulled out of his fake kick, turned his body the other way, and looked up to take the kick, Ricardo was on his feet ready for it, and now knew exactly where it was going. I see why he would be England's secret weapon on penalties, since he seemed to be the only guy who figured out Ricardo was going to read their hips to know which way to dive, not just flop over whichever way he felt like.

Portugal reaches the semi-finals for the first time since England'66, where they will play France.

Portugal* 0-0 England
(3-1)
Red Card: Rooney ('62)