Switzerland v Togo

I can't say I was glued to my screen for this game, since I really doubted Togo was going anywhere this tournament, and the Swiss just annoy me. Togo's first game was overshadowed by players skipping practice, and the coach quitting and coming back just before the game, and the run-up to this one wasn't any more stable. The players threatened to not show up for the game unless their outrageous demands for compensation were met by the Togolese FA, until FIFA stepped in to mediate somehow. (I wouldn't put it past FIFA to have sent Michel Platini in with a suitcase of cash.) The US had the same problem between our players and the FA, but it was settled before qualifying started.

Anyways, the Swiss took control with a cross from Magnin to Tranquillo Barnetta on the far post, who squared it back to Alexander Frei for the goal. I keep wanting to call Alexander Frei "Sebastian", which makes me wonder, what ever happened to Sebastian Frey? Especially since France could really use a keeper who causes fewer spikes in the heart attack rate in the Republic of France.

The big play from this game though was the clear penalty that should have gone to Emmanuel Adebayor in the 35th minute. Adebayor was neck and neck with Patrick Mueller going into the box on the left, and then Adebayor cuts back and Mueller overruns him. With his back turned and Adebayor about to put him on the highlight reel, Mueller sticks his leg straight out behind him, tripping Adebayor. No call. Certainly a dickhead move by Mueller, though.

The rest of the game, the Togolese were too slow in hitting back at the Swiss, allowing them to get organized on defense, and really showed some serious offensive breakdowns in keeping the ball moving versus going for individual glory, which is becoming a cliche for the Africans. In the 88th minute, Tranquillo Barnetta ices it for Switzerland with a long shot on a decidedly quicker counterattack.

Just in case Mueller and the game against France hadn't convinced the world what a bunch of jackasses die Eidgennossen were, in stoppage time Johann Vogel is called for a foul, grabs the ball and starts walking away like he thinks he's some spoiled kid in the park, to keep the Togolese from taking the kick and waste time. That got him a yellow card for the whole 5 seconds he shaved off the clock with a 2-0 lead. Out of a population of 7.5 million they couldn't find 23 guys who weren't assholes? "2006 - It's Swiss O'Clock!" just means it's just time for the Ukraine to take out the trash.

Switzerland 2-0 Togo
'16 Frei
'88 Barnetta

France v Korea

France 1-1 Korea
'9 Henry
'81 Park

Henry finally broke the "drought" for France, who hadn't scored in four world cup games going back to 2002. A bit much is being made of this, listing their last goal as Petit's back in the final in '98. Since then France competed in two Euros, winning one, and scored a few times along the way. They do still seem oddly toothless, which hurt them today. As did the goal that the keeper stopped while standing at least a foot on the far side of the goal line, that would have put France up 2-0.

The French goal was set up by Sylvain Wiltord fighitng off Korean defenders at the top of the box and chipping the ball into the box for an onrushing Thierry Henry, who awkwardly controls it, between two defenders who give him a lot of space, and taps it past the keeper. Wiltord was making things happen for France offensively, and even though he annoys me for being so mediocre in his time at Arsenal, I was surprised when he got subbed out an hour in for Frank Ribery, who wasn't too great against Switzerland.

Late in the game, Fabian Barthez showed why he's a questionable first choice goalkeeper, as he flapped at a cross, which was headed down by Cho Jae Jin for Park Ji Sung, who chips it over the keeper from close range, along the goal line. Barthez slaps it without slowing it down or knocking it over the bar, and as it comes down, Gallas seems to just watch it barely cross the line before getting to the post. Mystere et boule de gomme.

Zidane gets a yellow card in the 85th minute so he can't play against Togo, making this potentially his last game for France. Here's my theory, though. Spain looks likely to take group H, and the most likely runner-up is the Ukraine. France always has huge problems with the Ukraine, so I think they're angling for second place to avoid them.

Brazil v Australia; Croatia v Japan

Much as I like to see Australia in the World Cup, something we should see more of now that they're qualifying out of Asia, I have trouble getting excited about a half-speed Brazil team that can coast to the knock-out rounds. To me, if Ronaldo is still playing, Brazil can't be serious. It sounds like he's on the field so he can try to get three more goals and break Gerd Muller's all-time World Cup scoring record. The gigantic whiff he took on the ball in his only real scoring chance today before being subbed for Robinho may put that to bed, though, as well as Robinho and Adriano both scoring in this game, although Robinho was really just finishing off a goal for Fred.

I was also really impressed by Croatia playing a tough game against Brazil until I saw how unable to put anything away they were against Japan, and how close Australia came to taking points off Brazil as well. Well, the Brazil-Croatia game was pretty cool, but the rest of this group has been a little rough. I have no idea why Harry Kewell came in as a sub in the second half, nearly scoring after like 5 seconds... actually that play said a lot. Dida came out for a bad clearance by Roberto Carlos, fired straight up in the air in the box, only to have Mark Viduka stake out the ground like a fireplug. The ball came down on a wrestling Dida and Viduka, and Kewell streaked in to fire it at an empty net, but had more adrenaline than sense on the shot and put it nowhere near the goal. Just disappointing, somehow. Unless Kewell has been injured, he's been far and away Australia's biggest talent of the past few years, but he has to wait an hour before going into the game against Brazil? Maybe there's something I don't know there.

Croatia against Japan was also a little disappointing, although I may just be burning out on too many World Cup games in too few days, with the phone constantly ringing with more scores, questions, strange observations about the caller's penis, etc. The Croats couldn't put anything away, including a penalty where the player faked a shot left, put the ball perfectly in the right hand corner, but totally failed to fool the keeper. Maybe it's like Belgium, who always found ways to hang in and frustrate the better teams in the world, but sucked against mediocre teams that didn't give them anything to play off of. Japan is failing to bring the best out of these teams.

In any case, Brazil is into the second round, almost certainly as group winner, and Croatia needs a win over Australia to make the second round. I'm assuming Japan doesn't come up with a huge win over Brazil.

Brazil 2-0 Australia
'49 Adriano
'91 Robinho

Croatia 0-0 Japan

Brazil 6 pts 3-0
Australia 3pts 3-3
Croatia 1pt 0-1
Japan 1pt 1-3

US Prospects

Here are the standings:

Italy 4pts 3-1
Czech Republic 3pts 3-2
Ghana 3pts 2-2
USA 1pt 1-3

Here's the official list of tie-breakers if two teams are tied on points:

a) goal differential
b) goals scored
c) head-to head result
d) coin toss

So as you can see, keeping the margin close and scoring even when you lose (instead of giving up on your opening game and losing 3-0) are fairly critical, this isn't best two out of three women's tennis. The US cannot win the group, but can finish second and advance to the playoffs. In order to do so, they must win their final game against Ghana. One of the following conditions must also be satisfied:

1. Italy defeats Czech Republic (US wins on points)

2. Italy draws with Czech Republic, and:

a) US beats Ghana by 4 goals (US wins on goal differential)

b) US beats Ghana by 3 goals and scores 3 more goals than Czech Republic does against Italy (US wins on goals scored)
(ITA 0-0 CZE, USA 3-0 GHA; or ITA 2-2 CZE, USA 5-2 GHA, etc.)

3. Czech Republic defeats Italy, and:

a) the combined margins of victory total 6 or more, e.g. CZE 3-0
ITA, USA 3-0 GHA (US wins on goal differential)

b) the combined margin of victory equals 5, and the US scores 3 more goals than Italy (US wins on goals scored) (CZE 3-0 ITA, USA 3-1 GHA, etc.)

c) the combined margin of victory equals 5, and the US scores 2 more goals than Italy, and the US wins the coin toss (CZE 3-0 ITA, USA 2-0, heads; CZE 3-2 ITA, USA 4-0 GHA, tails, etc.)

This should make it clear why I said there's no shame in losing to the Czechs, but the margin of victory was going to eliminate us. US advancement now requires effectively requires Italy to beat the Czechs outright when out of all 32 teams the Italians are the team most likely to play for a draw in this situation. Even a loss gets them to the second round, and a draw lets them avoid Brazil. The problem is the Ghanaians and Czechs are on the verge of elimination, the Czechs have something to prove, and the only thing we have going for us is the Italians have to be mighty pissed off about their last game and not happy about the prospect of meeting Brazil early.

Basically unless Italy wins (highly possible) or the US blows out Ghana 5-0 (unlikely) or Italy has a total meltdown against the Czechs and loses 5-0 (never happening) we're going home.

USA v Italy

Some changes in the line-up, but still some questionable decisions. The US came out in a 4-1-4-1:

Keller

Bocanegra
Onyewu
Pope
Cherundolo

Mastroeni

Convey
Donovan
Reyna
Dempsey

McBride

In discussing his line-up Arena said people overrate the importance of team formations. Arsene Wenger has basically espoused a similar philosophy with Arsenal, claiming it only really matters on defense, so this penis-like lineup with a flying wedge of attacking midfielders and Brian McBride at the tip looked interesting. Not so interesting, starting Brian McBride. He did well four years ago of receiving and holding the ball up top to start a lot of US attacks, but he hasn't gotten service in this world cup, and about the only time I ever noticed him on the field was when he stood offsides like a moron to deny Beasley's goal. When the game was 10 on 9 with huge amounts of space and the US having to sit back and hit on the break, leaving the lumbering McBride in with Eddie Johnson and Josh Wolff on the bench was also a bit weird.

I wondered about Clint Dempsey, despite how highly many US fans seem to think of him, and early on he made one of those plays that made me wonder if he was in over his head. Reyna played a ball out to him on the wing, and he just stood there and watched it go over the line 10-20 yards ahead of him. Reyna obviously wasn't going to just plunk the ball right at him, and put it into space, leading Dempsey. He did take a cracking shot a minute later, so I'm actually not going to knock him yet. He at least wasn't in the Damarcus Beasley lasagna coma.

The ref made his presence felt quite a few times in this game, most notably in giving out three red cards, with resulting chaos. I really wondered if Andrea Pirlo's sister (who I'm sure is a fine woman) was blowing him in the tunnel before the game when two US players got booted for tackling Pirlo. Eddie Pope had it coming, since he got a yellow for taking a guy down to the ground with a hand on the back of his neck, without looking at the ball. It was clear the ref wasn't going to put up with that, and Pope was fouling all game before his foul on Pirlo was apparently the last straw. The red card on Mastroeni, he came in late but got a bit of ball with one leg, but extended the other to take out Pirlo's back ankle, so I assumed at the time the ref (right behind Pirlo) saw that as an intentional, studs-up attempt to hurt Pirlo, and not just follow-through. Now I just think Pirlo's sister (who I'm sure is a fine woman) can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

I have no idea what lunacy went into Reyna's positioning on the Italian goal. On a free kick Andrea Pirlo bent the ball around the US defense, and Gilardino on the near side streaked past Reyna, who stopped and put his hand up to indicate the offside violation. Which was kind of pointless since the other US defenders were all way closer to goal marking other Italian attackers. So Gialardino dives for the header and puts Italy ahead. A couple minutes later, Reyna goes down fairly easily on the touchline on a challenge from Cannavaro. Zaccardo and the resulting free kick goes past everybody to Cristian Zaccardo, who attempts to volley it clear but instead knocks it off his shin into the goal. Oops.

So basically a lot of people bounced back in this game. Right after a couple dumb plays Reyna and Dempsey both were out creating scoring opportunities. RunDMB put the lasagna fork down and came in with a lot of energy late in the game, really putting pressure on the Italians. Even McBride accomplished something, going in for a header but not putting his arms up to protect himself, which occasionally means he has to leave the game with a giant bruise on his face. In this case, Daniele de Rossi smacked him across the face when beaten to a header, and De Rossi got to take an early shower thanks to a card-happy ref.

Also helping to balance out the strange red cards, when RunDMB reached up over his head to smack the ball 10 feet from the ref and got nothing worse than a free kick called, presumably because the ref didn't want to put the US down to eight men. Other nicely balanced calls, Italy had a goal called back for a ridiculously early offside whistle, when a player was offside but there was no pass, just a shot well over his head. Without the whistle, Keller may have saved it, since he did ignore it once the flag went up, who knows. But the US had a goal with an offside player not interacting with the ball, but arguably blocking the keeper's view. I'll call that even (even if it wasn't).

The big problem is getting a central defender and defensive midfielder suspended due to red cards, when both would have started against Ghana. And the ref making a perfectly fun game into a complete joke. I went to the zoo after the game and strangled a zebra, which made me feel a lot better. Actually that may have been a Footlocker.

USA 1-1 Italy
'23 Gilardino
'27 Zaccardo (o.g.)

Red Cards: Mastroeni, Pope, De Rossi

Czech Republic v Ghana

My cable was screwed up, so I missed the first half, and I have no idea how Ghana took a lead. I tuned in just in time for the Nedved header with two Czech players offside. Nedved was borderline, but Lokvenc gets offside and stays there, and Nedved is a yard away, so it would be hard to ignore the borderline call and also call Lokvenc's offside passive. Some seriously questionable moves by the Czech central defenders trying to handle Ghana's strikers, who did still hold a fair bit to the unfortunate trend of the premier African teams in this tournament to try to break down opposing defenses by themselves. The Czechs seem to have spent half the game offside as well.

What looked like a turning point was Amoah being tripped from behind in the box, which was an awfully stupid play. The Czech defender would have been a lot better off if he'd covered the far post and picked up anybody making a run, rather than pulling a move that could only get him kicked out of the game. It was a tackle from behind on a guy with a clear path to the goal, and that's I assume why Ujfalusi got a red card, something that ESPN couldn't quite figure out, announcing he'd been given a red card for arguing with the referee. Amoah put the penalty in the back of the net, but the ref was too busy dicking around with Ufjalusi and the red card to notice, so it had to be retaken, and Cech saved the retake. It was quite a day for referees.

Later in the game, Ghana started to show some better passing in the last third, and created some better opportunities. That really stands out as the next big hurdle for the higher rated African teams, who have gotten much better organized at the back and developed some incredible talent up front, but can't get their attackers to pass to each other. It's tempting to speculate on how the less selfish appearing Angolan and Togolese teams pulled off shock upsets in qualifying. Endless dribbling and quick shots from distance really led to a lot of poor chances for Ghana. In any case, in the 82nd minute better passing paid off as Muntari iced the game with a second goal.

Also critical, the game ended with a Czech free kick that led to a brilliant save by Richard Kingston, and another nice save on the resulting corner, which ended the game. Preserving that 2-0 lead may be critical to Ghana in trying to make the second round. Hear that, America? Playing to the whistle against the Czechs is a good idea.

Ghana 2-0 Czech Republic
'2 Gyan
'82 Muntari

Red Card: #21 ('65)

Portugal v Iran

I had a hard time getting excited about this one, since it seemed likely to be a lopsided game between two teams I really wasn't too excited about seeing. Plus the picture on my cable was pretty terrible this morning apparently, so there's lines all over everything, so I just fast-forwarded through the first hour of this. I'm surprised Portugal didn't get off to a better start.

Deco's goal from Figo in the 63rd minute was the kind of thing that shows the lopsided nature of this game, as an unmarked Deco fired a strong shot through several defenders, doing nothing but blocking the keeper's view. The Iranian keeper doesn't even react until it's too late. I didn't think Mexico looked too good but they put three in the back of Iran's net.

A really stupid penalty in the 78th minute, a really late tackle chopping down Luis Figo just inside the corner of the penalty area. It was a clear penalty, but what a stupid defensive play, when Figo's not in a dangerous position and has nobody making a run. The worst part is it allowed that little brat Cristiano Ronaldo to score. He sent Mirzapour right and hooked it left, to put Portugal up 2-0. The thing is Ronaldo spent the whole game trying to beat the whole team by himself (who does he think he is, Arjen Robben?) and that shit just gets really annoying to watch, especially at this level.

Things are looking up for Holland if there's nobody really stepping up in this group, if the Oranje get their heads out of their asses for their second round game. The loss eliminates Iran, and secures a spot in the second round for Portugal, who haven't made it that far since Eusebio led them there in 1966. The Portuguese need a draw against Mexico to secure first place, which probably means avoiding Argentina, although it would be really funny if they won the grup and the draw gave them Argentina, Ecuador, and Brazil in the next three rounds.

Portugal 2-0 Iran
'63 Deco
'78 C. Ronaldo (pen)

Group D
Portugal 6pts 3-0
Mexico 4pts 3-1
Angola 1pt 0-1
Iran 0pts 1-5

NAVTEQ v LaSalle Bank CDO Dept

Really what stood out the most in this game was not so much the speed LaSalle had out on the right wing, but that their right winger wasn't wearing any pants. There was a baby carrot and a couple of blueberries flapping around every time he made a run. If he'd had proper service or an athletic supporter of some kind, this game might have turned out differently.

NAVTEQ 0-0 LaSalle Bank CDO Dept

Mexico v Angola

I really only half watched this game, because while Angola won me over in their game against Portugal, I thought Mexico looked pretty mediocre against Iran, and Angola did look pretty raw. I did catch out of the corner of my eye Joao Ricardo making a lot of saves, and a really stupid handball putting Angola down to 10 men in the 79th minute. Nicely done by Angola to hold on for a draw and get some points in their first World Cup, a feat 5 teams have failed to pull off so far out of the 14 that have played two games.

Mexico 0-0 Angola
Red Card: Andre ('79)

Golden Boot and 2nd Round qualifiers

Just a quick summary now that some things are settled:

Qualified for the second round:
Germany
Ecuador
England
Argentina
Holland
Friesland
Gelderland

Eliminated:
Costa Rica
Poland
Paraguay
Cote d'Ivoire
Serbia
Montenegro

For the Golden Boot, it's unsurprisingly a 9-way tie for first:

Bravo Mexico 2
Cahill Australia 2
Crespo Argentina 2
David Villa Spain 2
Delgado Ecuador 2
Klose Germany 2
Rodriguez Argentina 2
Rosicky Czech Republic 2
Tenorio (C.) Ecuador 2
Wanchope Costa Rica 2

(Arjen Robben does have 180 more minutes coming his way and obviously wants to move up out of 10th place.)

Netherlands v Cote d'Ivoire

I guess Holland lost the coin toss, and had to wear the day-glo orange uniforms, while Cote d'Ivoire got to wear something tasteful, even though they looked better in their orange uniforms than the Dutch. (No offense intended to the Dutch and Ivorian fans, Lisa Ann's bag of oranges, or Lindsay Lohan's orange pussy.)

Didier Drogba put his signature on the game, with an uncalled handball, a yellow card for kicking Dutch keeper Edwin Van der Sar on the ground, and generally being a stupid ballhog ((c) 2006 Arjen Robben, all rights reserved). Because of the card, his World Cup is already over, since he'll be missing the Serbia game on Wednesday. Best Drogba ballhog moment: 42nd minute, Drogba gets a clear breakaway and has Arouna Kone streaking downfield on the right side, with only Giovanni van Bronckhorst and Van der Sar in goal ahead of them. Drogba has his head down heading for the goal when he spots van Bronckhorst hauling ass trying to get to him. He clearly decides he's going to beat GvB himself because he doesn't make the obvious pass into space ahead of Kone. When karma asserts itself and GvB catches him, Drogba's pass is blocked by GvB and Cote d'Ivoire blow an easy chance to tie up the game.

Cote d'Ivoire did score earlier when Johnny Heitinga couldn't keep up with Bakary Kone dribbling across the top of the box (exhibit one in the case for Johnny Heitinga being a worthless stiff) and so gave up and figured somebody else would chase him, but in a rare moment of defensive befuddlement, Kone got free of everybody long enough to set himself up for a shot, and by the time anybody closed it was too late. Cote d'Ivoire did create some serious danger for Holland at several more points in the game, with some shaky defending, requiring things like Robin van Persie running back into goal and chesting a ball off the line when Van der Sar's defense hung him out to dry trying to clear the aftermath of a corner kick in the 77th minute.

The Dutch goals showed some cause for alarm, the first coming in the 23rd minute when Robin van Persie at the top right corner of the penalty box looks up for Heitinga running into the box, but has to hold the ball up because Heitinga is offside. Heitinga gives this frustrated shrug and stands there offside like a moron (exhibit two) so RvP tries to dribble through traffic and gets brought down hard. RvP hits the resulting free kick like he shot it out of a cannon around the wall and past the keeper who doesn't react until it's already too late. Van Persie kicked ass all around today, actually.

The second Dutch goal was set up by the individual creativity of Arjen Robben drawing the whole defense to him, and what I presume was the Foot of God reaching down into Robben and making him pass the ball, something which obviously wouldn't have happened otherwise. He passed it to Ruud van Kneestillsore, who was well behind the only defenders near him and Robben, but played onside by Kone way on the other side of the field. Other than that bit of luck, RvN is offside on that goal, and I could be wrong but I doubt he was looking over at Kone to judge if he was onside or not. In other words both goals featured a big dumbass standing offside. To say nothing of Robben, when he got into trouble and the defenders were all on him, passing to Johnny Heitinga who promptly made a one-touch pass right back to Robben who had like 4 guys around him (exhibit 3). Robben dribbled out of it and then made the pass to the offside Van Kneestillsore so it all worked out in the end, but what the hell was that pass? I did that once in a game, taking a pass back from midfield from Declan Mumford and then unhelpfully passing it right back to him... he didn't say anything but I think his expression might have conveyed, "Do you think this may be why nobody ever passes to you?"

Actually it may have been Marco van Bommel (in the situation with Robben, there was only one Dutch player on my high school team and he wasn't an international). Anyways, I still say Heitinga was still making a lot of boneheaded moves, and obviously Marco van Basten agreed because he didn't play the second half. Not that his replacement, Khalid Boulahrouz, didn't make his fair share of boneheaded moves. The best boneheaded move though came in like in the final seconds when the ref was looking at his watch and any clearance by Holland would mean the end of the game, and Van Bommel dicks around by the sideline instead of clearing the ball, loses it and has to foul and give up a free kick in a dangerous area, up one goal with seconds to go. Fortunately the kick went nowhere near the goal, but Holland is really looking at much tougher opposition from here on out.

Hopefully Robben has seen the value of passing, from his assist or from Drogba's cautionary example, or Marc Overmars or Boudewijn Zenden will have to get on a plane. Okay, Van der Vaart or somebody would probably come in, but I prefer the solution of tracking down Marc Overmars off cooking pancakes somewhere and slapping some cleats on him. I would also hope that the Dutch players would stop training for the Oliver Neuville Charity Offside Race being held after the tournament and start looking at the last defender. They may need some serious scoring to keep up with Argentina.

On a positive note, the most successful Oranje coach since Rinus Michels in the 80s was Guus Hiddink for getting a bitterly fractured team to come together and make a very serious challenge for the World Cup in 1998. Marco van Basten has definitely got one thing down, and that's the Guus Hiddink permanent scowl. All you get when you score a goal for this team is the scowl with a thumbs-up. That scowl took teams to the semis in the previous two World Cups, and there can't be an Australia-Netherlands scowl on scowl match-up until at least the semis, and probably the final, so I think things are looking good.

Holland* 2-1 Cote d'Ivoire
'23 Van Persie
'27 Van Kneestillsore
'38 B. Kone

*-Calling the Netherlands "Holland" could be considered an example of synecdoche (a form of figurative language), and therefore aesthetic rather than ignorant, when made on the basis of the flow of prose. READ A BOOK.

Argentina v Serbia & Montenegro

This was supposed to be the group of death, but it was more like the group of little death for Argentina today. (If you don't get that, crack a book once in a while.) To kick things off early, Argentina scored in the 6th minute on a series of passes culminating in a goal by Maxi Rodriguez. Tactically, an early goal against team that plays tough defense and counterattacks means you force them to come forward and open things up, so it's a huge advantage. In addition, on this goal... well, you know how in The Matrix when Trinity, Neo, and the Agents get going it's like they're moving on a completely different time frame from the normal people, who are unable to move and react with the same speed? That was basically what Argentina looked like today. I can't believe this is the same Serbian team that shut everybody out in qualifying, or for that matter, the same team Holland could barely break down last Sunday. (More on Arjen Robben's sabotage of Holland later.) The combinations in the box Argentina was pulling off really were nothing short of amazing, and based on these two games, I don't even know that they've gone full speed yet, so Holland is really in for it.

Just in case they weren't getting screwed enough, Mateja Kezman was sent off in the 65th minute by a ref trying to keep things from getting ugly, as a Serb team with nothing left to lose lashed out. Then again, this Argentine team could lose a lot of players without suffering a whole lot, they're insanely deep. They proved it today by bringing on Lionel Messi (making his WC debut at 18) and Carlos Tevez, who both scored. The game was over so early the ref ended the game without any extra time, despite several subs, just to get it over with.

The last appearance by a unified Serbia and Montenegro team (minus their star Kezman) is on Wednesday, vs Cote d'Ivoire.

Argentina 6-0 Serbia & Montenegro
'6 Rodriguez
'31 Cambiasso
'41 Rodriguez
'78 Crespo
'84 Tevez
'88 Messi

Red Card: Mateja Kezman '65

Sweden v Paraguay

Most of this game was another 90 minutes of Sweden being mystifyingly unable to put the ball in the back of the net. And this was after some brilliant looking stuff, especially from Zlatan Ibrahimovic. In this game, Ibrahimovic went off at halftime, which I really hope wasn't for a serious injury. I'm not much of a Sweden fan, but Ibrahimovic is a hell of a guy to watch. He was part of what looked like another cycle of superstar Ajax players like the ones in the mid-90s who won a European Cup then all fucked off to Italy and Spain, but the new generation all fucked off to Italy and Germany without winning anything. Lots of former Ajax players

But anyways, in the 89th minute, they finally got something to go in, and man was it ever a beautiful snowflake. Johan Elmander fired long cross to Marcus Allback on the far post. Allback, along with Ibrahimovic, had been coming incredibly close but getting nothing for 2 games, but he played a nice header back and to the far post, while the keeper scrambled back across his goal. Allback had Henrik Larsson on the far post with two defenders in front of him, but Allback sent the header farther back to a trailing Freddie Ljungberg, who went far post with a header, and scored Sweden's first goal of the tournament. Ljungberg has been a fixture and fan favorite for Arsenal because of his workrate, his ability to find those open spaces between defenders, and because he used to have this red mohawk.

Sweden 1-0 Paraguay
'89 Ljungberg

Hopefully this unclogs the goal-scoring spigot for Sweden, because a lot of people are looking forward to the England-Sweden game, and England has had enough crappy play rewarded by a fortunate defensive error so they can win without outplaying the opposition for one tournament. England is through to the second round, but can win the group with a win or draw. Sweden needs a win to take the group, a draw to clinch making the second round. Should Sweden lose, and Trinidad beats Paraguay, it's down to goal differential and goals scored, where in that event Sweden's current lead would become tenuous.

At stake in the second round is facing Germany at home in the second round, but it's Group of Death or Portugal in the quarters either way, so the only real difference beyond that point is whether you meet whichever European team is peaking in the semis or Brazil. So basically, avoiding Deutschland, depending on how they handle Ecuador.

Group B
Ingerland 6pts 3-0
Sweden 4pts 1-0
Trinidad 1pt 0-2
Paraguay 0pts 0-2 (eliminated)

England v Trinidad & Tobago

In their first games, England came out and looked like crap, no rhythm, not really meshing and needed a huge defensive error to get past Paraguay. Trinidad came out with a lot of energy, played over their heads, and down to 10 men hung on for a result against Sweden. I wanted to see another game to see how that would hold up, and in the first half it really did.

England's best scoring chance, and the horrid, horrid, dare I say horrid execution of it really says it all about their first half. In the 43rd minute, Steven Gerrard plays a cross to a wide-open, nobody near him, enough time to settle the ball, have a nice cup o' tea, put on an apron and bake some damn cookies before anybody got anywhere near him. So he instead tries this panicked side volley off his calf. His next big chance was an attempted bicycle kick in the 55th minute, with predictable results from a 6'7" Englishman who hunches over when he runs.

In the 45th minute, Paul Robinson came way, way out for a ball, but of course got nowhere near it. The ball got lobbed around the box until Stern John, fighting his way between two defenders put a header on target to the empty net. If John Terry hadn't thrown himself recklessly into the goal to clear it before landing with a nasty thud, this game might have ended quite differently. I think we may need the state department to work out a deal to trade a couple American keepers to England for an attacking midfielder.

In the second half, Michael "I had one great goal 8 years ago and I plan on milking it my whole career" Owen went off so their latest savior could come on, and of course I mean Wayne Rooney. The buildup immediately did become a lot better, favoring short, controlled passes over the long crosses with nobody on the end of them that England uses when they're letting their delusions of grandeur dictate tactics. Part of why they annoy me is they're good but play badly when they obstinately cling to this classic, pastoral image of English football that involved working class stiffs kicking a medicine ball around in the mud, and appropriate tactics. Arsenal make a distinctly English style work, aggressive and direct without being clumsy kick-and-run, and Beckham, Gerrard, and Rooney all have the skill and the poise to stamp that style on a more sophisticated game, so that's why it annoys the crap out of me when they play like a bunch of hyperactive teenagers with blue balls and hormones raging.

So anyways, Rooney being on the field really dramatically improves their offensive game, and Owen and Crouch really don't seem to play off of each other too well. What was classic was at one point seeing "All Night Dwight" Yorke taking the ball off of Rooney, like two eras of Manchester United's history were colliding... you could almost hear Yorke asking Rooney, "Hey, remember back when we used to win trophies?"

A fair result would have been a draw, given England's incompetence, Shaka Hislop's resurgence, and Trinidad threatening an upset all game, but in the end it worked out the way it should on paper. In the 83rd minute, David Beckham was given ages of time and space by what had to be an exhausted Trinidad defense to set up a cross out on the right wing, which he took advantage of because he's a crafty guy on the field, and a stylish one off it, even if he is a total idiot (even his friends say so publicly, which is kind of funny). Beckham's cross was perfectly placed to the far post, where Peter Crouch had his man one-on-one, and Crouch's height was decisive in going over the top for the header. This play definitely produced my man of the match: Stewart Downing. A man who hadn't previously made much of an impact in the game, not a big figure in an England uniform, but he quietly bided his time, and when an exuberant Peter Crouch streaked to the sidelines and waiting England supporters, Stewart Downing selflessly threw himself on Crouch like a soldier diving on a grenade. An international TV audience of millions upon millions would have been exposed to the Peter Crouch RoboDance goal celebration, but for the heroic efforts of Stewart Downing. God Save the Queen.

The steam was clearly taken out of Trinidad, and in the 91st minute, Gerrard iced it with a shot from distance, to put England up by two. Hopefully England will start rolling, because while I may amuse myself bitching about the excesses of England supporters, I want to see the game played at a high level and they can do that when they set their minds to it.

Three Lions 2-0 Soca Warriors
Crouch '83
Gerrard '91

Costa Rica v Ecuador

This was the first potential elimination game of the tournament, since an Ecuadorian win would close the door for both Costa Rica and Poland to make the second round. Ecuador took control early, scoring in the 8th minute off a cross to Carlos Tenorio, and again early in the second half to Augustin Delgado, both showing some poor defending by the Ticos. Costa Rica really only created one good chance the whole game, and this is the second game Ecuador has put away weaker opposition without any trouble. The only real highlight to me was when Ivan Kaviedes iced the game by scoring in injury time, then pulled a yellow mask out of his shorts so he could run around looking like an Ecuadorian Spiderman or something. Seriously, down the front of his sweaty shorts. It's also a second clean sheet for the Ecuadorian keeper, Cristian Mora, who paints the flag on his cheeks for each game.

Ecuador 3-0 Costa Rica
'8 Tenorio
'54 Delgado
'92 Kaviedes

Ecuador has taken control of the group by beating both Costa Rica and Poland by larger scores than Germany, meaning the Germans need to beat them outright to take the group. This group plays off with Group B (England, Sweden, T&T, Paraguay) and then meets the group of death (Argentina, Netherlands, Cote d'Ivoire, Serbia) in the quarterfinals, and those groups could end up in any order, so there's no point looking ahead yet.

Group A
Ecuador 6pts 5-0
Germany 6pts 5-2
Poland 0pts 0-3
Costa Rica 0pts 2-7

Germany v Poland

I can't believe this was the same Polish team that got spanked by Ecuador on Friday. This was a high paced, physical game, that could have easily tipped either way. A lot of the game consisted of Poland hanging on against a German onslaught, especially in the last 15 minutes when they were down a man. 0-0 really would have been a fair result, some result to mark the performance the Poles put on in front of a 50-50 crowd. The Polish crowd was pretty impressive, and the Germans knew it would be because they put the game on the opposite end of the country. This was a huge showdown, and accordingly 142 hooligans were arrested in Dortmund before the game.

Tactically, the Polish back line that was so slow and got beaten badly trying to play a high line against Ecuador really did a lot better. Germany obviously didn't have the speed to punish them, and they didn't play so far up. Some stupidity by German players helped, as in the case of Oliver Neuville, who came in as sub but kept hanging around waiting for service while the defenders moved upfield and left him offside. The stupidest offside violation was not his fault though. That came on what looked like the decisive sequence in the closing minutes of the game.

In the 90th minute, Miroslav Klose and Michael Ballack both broke free in the six-yard box for a dangerous cross, but Klose's header went off the crossbar. The rebound fell right to Ballack, who fell down volleying it off the crossbar, with the rebound going back out to the penalty spot where Neuville tried a shot that got blocked by a Polish defender so the ball squirts out to their right into space. Here's the thing, after Ballack's volley, Klose backs up out of the area since he's offside, but Ballack falls down and sits there for a second looking grumpy. When the ball squirts out, Ballack gets up, and goes back away from the goal to play it, passing it out to David Odonkor who puts it in the back of the net. But Ballack was clearly offside, made no attempt to get onside or get off the field, and played the ball from an offside position, so no goal. Between him and Neuville I was starting to wonder if they even knew about the rule. At that point, a draw looked like justice for the way the Poles were desperately hanging on with 10 men. The deciding goal came in the next minute, when David Odonkor finally got a ball served to him over the top of the Polish defense, and crossed it to Neuville for the winner, so they finally broke them down after 91 minutes.

There was a lot of disciplinary action in this game, and appropriately so. The big one would be Radoslav Sobolewski getting a second yellow in the 75th minute, which was for a stupid foul, and he'd been asking for it ever since he got his first yellow. I have no sympathy for Michael Ballack whining about his yellow card, because it was typical of the entire game, whenever Poland had an opportunity to counter, a German player would foul from behind to slow down the counterattack. They also would mob the referee to interfere with the restart, giving them more time to get back and organize their defense. Good tactic for a slow German team against an eastern European counterattacking team, but not much fun to watch, and definitely not very sportsmanlike.

I was amused and impressed by Polish keeper Artur Boruc, who kept making plays on the edge of the box that were a half step away from handballs. Borucs made a lot of plays with his hands out there where he'd grab the ball, but drop it as his momentum carried him over the line and then kick it. His diving scoop at the edge of the box to roll the ball out of bounds was another memorable clearance. His yellow card for repeated time-wasting was well-deserved, but I can't really blame him for burning time off the clock when Poland really ended up 30 seconds from a draw.

Also, I'd like to take a moment to point out that Oliver Neuville is German, so his name is pronounced NOY-vill, like Deutsch and schadenfreude.

Germany 1-0 Poland
'91 Neuville

Golden Boot - Round One

Here's a quick rundown on the golden boot, now that everybody's played at least one game. The following players are all tied with 2 goals:

Cahill (AUS)
Rosicky (CZE)
David Villa (ESP)
Wanchope (CRC)
Klose (GER)
Bravo (MEX)

Although my favorite so far is Group B where all four teams combined have so far only scored on themselves.

Tunisia v Saudi Arabia

Saudi Arabia's last World Cup highlight was a critical goal against Belgium in 1994 to make the second round, Tunisia's was their draw with Belgium in the last World Cup. So I started this game hoping they'd both lose, since I'm prone to that sort of irrational grudge.

I thought this game might be pretty dull, but it turned out a lot better than I expected. This was generally seen as a must-win game, with a team taking 3 points having a shot at displacing Spain or the Ukraine in the second round. Tunisia would have been my favorite, since they were African champions in 2004 (no clue who won this year, actually), African qualifying is a lot tougher, and I applied the "How many of their players have I heard of" rule, in conjunction with the "what clubs do they play for" rule and Hatem Trabelsi playing for Ajax, with the rest of the squad scattered all over France and big clubs from small leagues like Rangers and Rosenborg trumps a whole bunch of guys I never heard of playing in the Saudi league. It's all very scientific.

There was a non-call in the penalty box that could have made a big difference for Tunisia if they'd been awarded the penalty, but they controlled the first half, scoring on a defensive error on a set piece. The Saudi defender playing the ball tried to head it clear but knocked it down, and Ziad Jaziri played the bounce in this funky cartwheel to get his foot over the top of the ball, which looked really cool (to me anyways). Tunisia was up 1-0 and in control, which they seemed to figure was good enough.

In the second half, the Saudis came out guns blazing, much better organized and aggressive, and took back control of the game, tying things up with a nicely executed goal by Yasser Al-Qahtani, finishing off a cross into the box by Mohammad Nour by squeezing it past the keeper into the upper corner. Close to the end of the game, Sami Al-Jaber, who came out of retirement to help Saudi Arabia get through qualification, put the Saudis ahead on the end of another textbook shot coming at the end of a nice string of passes. The Saudis were going nuts, and this was a nice change of pace from the brutal thumping they took in 2002 (Germany alone put 8 goals past them).

But, in injury time, Jaziri took a ball bouncing around in the box and not properly cleared, settled it down by the end line, and had way too much time to settle and lob it across the goal to Radhi Jaidi who put the perfect header down on at the keeper's feet for the equalizer. Soccer is a low scoring game, which means when you're leading... you're not leading by much. Things turn around in an instant. (Which is why it was so irritating to see players give up in the US-Czech game.)

Tunisia 2-2 Saudi Arabia
Jaziri '23
Al Kahtani '57
Al Jaber '84
Jaidi '93

Spain v Ukraine

Really, how much can you say about a game as lopsided as this one? I'm not a huge fan of Spain or Spanish players (other than Cesc Fabregas and Jose Antonio Reyes) so I don't know much about them other than they're famous for never playing up to their level of talent, and that they knocked Ireland out of the last World Cup. What me, hold a grudge?

The Ukrainians didn't play anywhere near the level their qualifying campaign suggested they would, and the two Ukraine players I could have told you about before the game started, Sergei Rebrov and Andrii Shevchenko, really were invisible for most of the game. Shevchenko didn't get proper service and found himself offside quite a bit as a result. When he did get a decent chance, in the closing minutes of the game, he was on his own behind the defense but held up so long in getting settled for a shot he let the Spaniards catch up and block his shot. Rebrov had what should have been a great chance he put over the bar. He used to be really good when he played for Dynamo Kiev in the Champions League, then he went to Tottenham Hotspur for a few years and his career just died. Really a shaky game all-around, and the Ukraine did play half the game with 10 men, because of what is definitely the most memorable thing to come out of this game.

Early in the second half, Spanish striker Fernando Torres was running towards goal chased by defender Vladislav Vashchuk, with just the keeper in front of them. Vashchuk got past him, with some bumping and a brief tug on his shorts, but Torres was completely clear of Vashchuk when he took his shot, poorly, right to the keeper. He swung himself so off-balance taking the shot that his foot came down on Vashchuk's heel and he lost his footing and fell. Then on the ground he whined and waved his arms in disbelief (I would hope at how horrible that shot was) and got the most questionable penalty I think I've ever seen. David Villa converted it for Spain, to put the Ukraine up 3-0 at that point, but Vashchuk was sent off. A complete travesty, even though it really didn't significantly change the outcome of the game.

The Ukraine may be alright though, since second place in this group is arguably a better draw than first. The second round match-up for either position could be Switzerland or France, but the second place finisher goes to the other half of the draw from Brazil, now the likely quarterfinal opponent for Spain. Beating out Tunisia and Saudi Arabia for second should be well within the Ukraine's ability. The Ukraine also has the same Thundercats style going as Serbia & Montenegro, I wonder who's designing those, Puma?

Spain 4-0 Ukraine
'13 Xavi Alonso
'17 David Villa
'48 David Villa (pen)
'81 Torres

Brazil v Croatia

Something is still creeping me out a bit. During the national anthems FIFA has these kids come out with the teams and stand in front of them, and during the Croatian anthem, this Damien-looking kid looked directly into the camera and started lifting his eyebrows with this knowing smile. This 7-year old looked like he used his brief appearance on TV to simultaneously ask like three hundred million women all around the world if they were up for it. That will definitely pay off for him in another 10-15 years.

But with this kick-off, the Brazil-jocking can begin in earnest now. This wouldn't bother me, since Brazil is actually pretty damned good and definitely the world's consensus favorite, if it wasn't for three things. 1) It's relentlessness, 2) the claustrophobic hyperbole that surrounds them, and 3) it's the people who know fuck-all and don't follow the game who won't shut up about them. On the plus side, players like Kaka and Ronaldinho are two of the absolute delights of the sport, and the enthusiasm that goes with them is great, especially after a nasty game like France-Switzerland. And mainly I'm still just irritated because at the 1999 Women's World Cup opener, all the atmosphere came from the Americans, Danes, and Mexicans, and all the be-seens in yellow shirts just sat like lumps in their chairs. So to be clear: it's the fake Brazilians who annoy me.

Case in point, two figures quoted during the game were a supposed $100 million dollar valuation of Ronaldinho on the transfer market. The guy's currently the most marketable player in the world, and the best player, which does not always coincide, so I could see a definite case for him getting an outrageous fee, and I could see him being worth a small fortune to a club in terms of results and marketing. What I don't really get is who the hell they think would budget $100 million dollars for a player? Besides maybe Chelski, but Roman Abramovich, might order a hit on Jose Mourinho if he didn't win more than a league title with Ronaldinho, based on the number of people he's had murdered with less money at stake (allegedly). Chelsea doesn't have the global presence and marketing to recover that investment, so it would be down to Roman's cash. Otherwise there's Real Madrid, who have gotten in rough shape with the strategy of blowing their whole budget on superstars and won't make that mistake, Manchester United is flat broke, Liverpool and Arsenal don't have finances like that, French and German clubs' financial controls are too strict, so it's down to selling him for $100 million dollars to Milan or Juventus, which is like 150% more than either of them has ever payed for a player. That's 5 million dollars more than Chelsea splashed out for Andrii Shevchenko and Michael Essien combined, and they couldn't even realize the whole valuation of a player like that.

Of course, that pales in comparison to the reported contract offer of $120 million dollars over ten years for Ronaldo by, wait for it... Red Bull New York. Ronaldo would definitely put them on the map, and I could see it as a long-term investment in the franchise, being able to put his jersey up on the wall somewhere, and I assume most of that money wasn't guaranteed. Red Bull says they talked to him, but deny they offered $120 million dollars. I have no idea why somebody would report these numbers seriously.

The actual game was pretty damned good. The Croatians took it right to Brazil for 85 minutes, only getting sloppy at the close of the first half. They gave Kaka a nice wide open space to settle and fire, and Brazil went up 1-0 in the 44th minute, which turned out to be the deciding goal. Solid win for Brazil, who set the all-time record for consecutive World Cup wins at 8, beating Italy's record of 7 back in the '30s. The last World Cup game they did not win was to France in the '98 Final. Brazil have made three consecutive finals, but they're 1-1-1 with a solid win over Germany and that total embarrassment by France.

What was cool to see was both the Croatians hanging with them, and the way the Croats can receive the ball in a dangerous position, and turn and fire before anybody has a chance to realize what's going on. You never see their shots coming, it's incredible. If they weren't all aimed directly at Dida, they'd have done pretty well. Ridiculous play of the game was Roberto Carlos taking a free kick from deep in his own half. He kicks it all the way across the field, where the first guy who can get to it is Prso, who takes off towards goal. Roberto Carlos really looks like he's past his sell-by date. These guys are beatable, but it's really difficult, and the Croatians proved both of those points. This was the unofficial game for first place in the group, since it's unlikely that current group leaders Australia are going to hold on against Brazil.

Man of the match definitely goes to the guy who ran onto the field wearing a Croatia jersey, and went unnoticed while the game was going on, except for one Croatia player who did a double-take at a teammate wearing jeans.

Group F
Australia 3pts +2
Brazil 3pts +1
Croatia 0pts -1
Japan 0pts -2