England v Ecuador

kind of questionable foul against Ecuador leads to a free kick 30 yards out, over the wall, surgical strike right inside the post, Mora can only get one hand to it but it's too strong. note to ESPN, the keeper was over on the left because the WALL IS SUPPOSED TO STOP SHOTS LIKE BECKHAM'S. christ all fucking mighty, is Mora supposed to stand on the near post and hope Beckham/Gerrard don't go far post?

I was a bit surprised by some of England's defensive choices, for instance starting Owen Hargreaves at right back, and starting the injured Ali G over Sol Campbell. Apparently Beckham was also not feeling too well in the days before the game, but didn't tell anybody. While he did certainly make a contribution to the game, he also threw up on the field. When Aaron Lennon came on for him 87 minutes in, I was a bit surprised that it took that long to give a breather to an old, dehydrated, vomiting player who thought it would be funny to wear long sleeves in the heat as part of some running joke with Wayne Rooney. Beckham did score England's goal, and it was a thing of beauty, but when Lennon came on and actually played like a winger, it did stand out a bit how limited Beckham's skill set has become, unlike back in the day when he still had a really high work rate.

Here's another thing, Wayne Rooney plays at Manchester United behind a classic centre-forward in Ruud van Kneestillsore, and really seems to shine playing as a mezzapunta where he can be more creative, and looked pretty good as the spark in a controlled short passing game for England earlier in the tournament. So instead he played up front on his own. And frankly I don't think England looked too good with him up there. For instance the play where he tried to pull the Andrew Katz move and poke the ball between two defenders then force his way between them didn't work as well as it did on the SPA coed 5th-6th grade team, and with no other striker and no midfielders who can get forward, he had nothing else he could do with it. Watching him try to move the pile like a fullback on 3rd and short was pretty amusing, until he started crying for a penalty. (It should be noted that like my analysis of the growing trade in securitized operating assets, this is all based on ignorant rambling and conjecture.)

The key play of this game, the one I'd expect to see again, was a ball flicked forward by Ecuador in the 11th minute. John Terry headed the ball way up in the air, still moving back towards England's goal, and Carlos Tenorio blew past him with no other England defenders anywhere in sight except Ashley Cole way across the field. What saved England was a terrible first touch by Tenorio that meant he took too long settling the ball for a shot, and Cole was able to dive into his path, meaning Tenorio had to put the shot too high to clear Cole and hit the crossbar. Playing that far up and having some seriously shaky plays by their back line will be trouble, and they've had a few miraculous defensive recoveries on what looked like sure goals to get them this far. Then again, despite playing like crap, they have pulled it out every time they needed to.

There is one other thing worth noting about Beckham's free kick goal, which was very nicely done. Beckham took a shot from 30 yards out, over a wall that got pretty high up, and had it dipping down well under the bar, just inside the near post, with a lot of power still on it, just a really impressive kick. Mora got one hand to it, but couldn't slow it down enough to stop it. Really there's nothing anybody can do about that, so don't listen to ESPN's commentators moaning about Mora's bad positioning, since he was doing his job, covering the far post, while the wall is supposed to prevent a shot like that. If Beckham can get it up and down over the wall with something on it, Mora can't do anything to prevent that unless he's left an inviting target in the space he's leaving on the back post.

Almost everybody who took their foot off the gas and tried to coast to the second round in their last game is now finished, including Sweden, Ecuador, Mexico, Spain, and Holland, with Argentina the sole survivor.

England 1-0 Ecuador
'60 Beckham

England plays Portugal in the quarterfinals, winner faces the winner of Brazil v France in the semifinals. And then we can have even more video clips of David Beckham vomiting.

Simon & Simon

A TV show that went off the air 20 years ago, Simon & Simon, recently came up in conversation.  I didn't have time then to explain why I'm so pissed off at that show, so I thought I'd take a moment now.  It really came down to episode #24:  Murder Between the Lines.  I saw I think half of that episode back in 1983 as a little kid, but I never saw the end until  about 20 years later.  Here's the thing, it opened with this shot of the bottom of a swimming pool that looked a lot like the pool I used to swim in, and these black-gloved hands slip a book with a big skull on the cover into view on the bottom of the pool, then handcuff a playfully swimming woman's leg to a grate in the bottom of the pool.  Watching somebody drown while first nobody notices and then can't help was pretty freaky at that tender age.  As it turns out in the episode, this author wrote a book where he based his characters on real people, and then killed those characters off, but now the real people are dying exactly like their literary counterparts, with a copy of the book left at the scene of each death.  The author then warns A.J. Simon that the next character to die in the book is based on him.  Then they get stuck in an elevator together, and A.J. asks how his character dies, and is told electrocution, right before live, sparking wires drop from the ceiling of the elevator, and the claustrophobia and electricity were way too much for me as a child watching this alone in the dark, so I turned it off.

Here's the reason I'm pissed off.  I saw it again 20 years later and I thought I really wanted to know how it actually turned out now that I was significantly less frightened of electricity and fictional stories in general.  Some of the idiocy of the plot was more apparent, like for instance a guy wearing the signature black gloves of all 70s-80s TV murderers while in the bottom of a pool full of people.  What I missed was Rick and A.J. cleverly escaping the elevator deathtrap, figuring out who the killer was, and showing up at his house to confront him, finding the killer having breakfast on his luxurious back terrace.  Within moments, A.J. and Rick are hiding in the house and the guy's prowling around it with a flamethrower firing burning jellied gasoline at them, and all over his house.  If that wasn't a sufficiently idiotic climax, it turns out to all be a dream that A.J. was having as he fell asleep at his desk after dealing with some banal matter for the author of the book.  20 years was a lot of build-up for something I remembered as a little kid when I was too young and impressionable to know how stupid TV was in the 80s (Michael Mann excepted), so it had to be a bit of a letdown no matter what, but my god, I felt dumber just for having seen that.  And so should anybody who actually took the time to read this.

Argentina v Mexico

After the last match day was so lifeless and Sweden couldn't get it up for an elimination game, I really needed a game to prove the second half of the tournament wasn't going to be completely devoted to unmotivated underdogs and sleepwalking favorites. To me anyways, this was a great game that could have gone for either team all the way to the end of overtime.

Mexico was up for the game and dangerous right from the whistle, and had at least one nice chance less than two minutes in. In the sixth minute, Castro was taken down near the sideline in a tackle by Mascherano that I thought at the time was really stupid, but I got used to that, seeing a boneheaded play with #8 from Argentina right in the middle of it. I just doubted Castro was going to do anything too alarming out there, but the free kick by Pardo was flicked to the back post by Mendez's header, where Gabriel Heinze blew his assignment, misreading where the ball was going and moving to help out on Borgetti. Instead, the ball continued on to the now wide-open Rafael Marquez, who fired it over the keeper into the roof of the net to put Mexico up early. I think Heinze being a tool was something else I kept noting.

Supposedly the easiest time to screw up is right after you score, and like a minute later an Argentine player was taken out 20 yards from the box, but the ref played advantage until the Argentine player who had the ball got chopped down too. The resulting free kick deflected off the wall and over the end-line for a corner, which got headed over the end-line... three straight set pieces really isn't a good thing. The next corner went to Hernan Crespo, marked by Jared Borgetti, and it's 50/50 whether the ball went off Borgetti's head or Crespo's shin, but it went into the back of the net.

Heinze tried to close out the first half in an interesting way as well by taking a short kick from his keeper and watching it dribble over his foot, oblivious to anything that might be going on. Much like Ghana's first goal against the US, it got stolen, but this time the Mexican player was taken down hard. That could have been a straight red card and a penalty for taking down a guy with a clear path to goal, but the free kick Mexico got went off the wall. Mexico definitely wasn't getting a call unless it was clear-cut, though, in contrast to the tight calls that the old-timers have been complaining about.

In the second half, another theme emerged, Juan Sorin kicking people above the waist, like when he kicked Borgetti in the face in front of goal. Borgetti's sitting there spitting out teeth, but the Swiss ref ignored it. Borgetti did do a fair bit of whining about being hit in the face as the game went on, and played for penalties a bit much, but you know, he did get hit in the face a lot. When Roberto Ayala did some weird "you have a spider on your head" thing slapping Rafa Marquez's head on a corner, that may have been a little much.

Argentina didn't show a lot of creativity offensively, compared to their earlier games, and later in the game they started bringing on the kids, Tevez and Messi. It wasn't until the end of the game when they started connecting around the box, after a period of taking the whole defense on themselves, then looking for the pass and having nobody there, to finally having it all come together. They could have wrapped it up in regulation on a nice play, to Aimar who was played onside by a player on the far side of the field, and then to Messi who was even with the defenders and then behind the ball until Aimar passed it to him, but apparently the linesman's seeing eye dog was barking at a squirrel or something and he blew the call. Seriously, I don't mind 50/50 calls going the wrong way, but it annoys me when it's clear where the error came from, not watching the whole field, and it's not 50/50, it's close offside calls always going to the defense when they're supposed to go to the attackers.

Anyways, 8 minutes into extra time, Sorin crossed the ball to Maxi Rodriguez with tons of space at the far corner of the penalty box, and Rodriguez took the ball off his chest and let it come down for a left foot volley into the far corner of the goal. There was absolutely nothing to do about a shot that perfect other than not let him get it off, so once it was in the air it was too late, this rainbow flying over the whole defense and dipping down just under the bar.

Mexico and Argentina both took some nice shots after that, but the 2-1 score held up and Argentina advances to the quarterfinal against Germany. I really would like to see the Albiceleste rolling when they get there, because that could be a hell of an atmosphere. Rodriguez and Crespo both have three goals for Argentina, if anybody's keeping track of Argentine national team bragging rights. The yellow cards for Sorin and Heinze might be an issue later in the tournament, but somehow given Argentina's reported depth I doubt it.

Argentina 2-1 Mexico
'6 Marquez
'10 Crespo
'98 Rodriguez

Tomorrow: England v Ecuador and Portugal v Netherlands

Australia v Croatia

This is a little late, but good lord what a strange game. I can't believe Croatia played the game they did against Brazil then played the way they did against Japan and Australia.

Dario Srna's free kick in the second minute was a pretty beautiful shot, over the corner of the wall and curving back into the corner of the goal, staying out of the keeper's reach. An early lead looked great for Croatia to take control of their destiny. It looked like a great game... but unfortunately, this game had Graham Poll as a referee.

I swear I thought Poll was famous in England for being an idiot who ruined games, so I was surprised they sent him to Germany. He did help the Croatians out a few minutes in when Mark Viduka was tackled in the box, and I actually mean tackled in an American or Aussie Rules football sense of the word: two arms wrapped around him from behind and dragged to the ground. No need to interrupt the flow of the game for that, I guess, so no obvious penalty shot for Australia. I thought Harry Kewell was going to help out the Croats too by trying to make a name for himself taking them all on at once, but he got a clue at some point. His nicest shot was one that the keeper got behind but couldn't hold on to because of the power Kewell put on it, but nobody stepped up for Australia to play the rebound.

In the 38th minute, Poll found his whistle when he had two fouls in the box to call, Cahill getting mugged by Croatia and a clear handball. Moore sent the keeper the wrong way and scored the penalty for Australia, to tie things up. Not every handball in the box resulted in a whistle, though, Poll really missed a lot of the action. He did send off Brett Emerton for yet another handball late in the game, so this game really was looking out of control as far as players respecting the rules (or the ref). Eventually Dario Simic and Josep Simunic would both be sent off for Croatia, so we got another ridiculous 9 on 10 game with an inept ref. The classic thing is Simunic was sent off after getting his 3rd yellow card of the game. Why he was on the field with two I have no idea. This is a reason to root for England, because refs from countries that do well can't ref the later stages of the tournament, hence the smiling ref from the UAE and Anders Frisk of Sweden getting a lot of games late in tournaments.

In the second half, Croatia scored when Aussie keeper, Kalac, just absolutely blew a shot by Nico Kovac, letting the ball roll up over him and into the goal. This really fueled an ongoing controversy over Guus Hiddink's choice to start Kalac over Mark Schwarzer in goal, because Kalac looked terrible many, many times in this game, even if this was the piece de resistance.

Australia's second goal was nice, both Kewell and Viduka were offside. Kewell took the shot, Viduka was right in front of the keeper, so really either one could have warranted the offside flag. Kewell was borderline, and Viduka could conceivably have been called passive offside, but that's a lot of maybes for the goal that sent Croatia home. Actually there was one more goal for Australia, but Poll blew the whistle to end the game while Australia had the ball in their opponent's box and a player was taking a shot, which really capped off the case for him being completely out of his mind.

Australia advances to play Italy in the 2nd round, Brazil plays Ghana, and Croatia and Japan go home.

Australia 2-2 Croatia
'2 Srna
'38 Moore (pen)
'57 Kovac
'79 Kewell

Red Cards: Simunic, Simic, Emerton

Brazil 4 - 1 Japan
'34 Tamada
'45 Ronaldo
'53 Juninho
'60 Gilberto
'81 Ronaldo

I have no idea how Japan took an early lead or how this game went, but apparently Ronaldo has tied Gerd Muller for most goals scored in the history of the world cup, passing along the way Pele and Just Fontaine.

Germany v Sweden

This game was over in a hurry, and I was hoping for something out of Sweden. I mean Ibrahimovic was back with his nutty acrobatic moves, and they hadn't set the world afire or played to their potential yet. I don't know if their hotel only offered lasagna through room service, Coldplay as the elevator music, and the Da Vinci Code on pay-per-view or something, and they couldn't shake off the coma, but they certainly didn't have much today.

Four minutes in, Ballack slipped a ball through into the box for Klose, which the Swedish keeper Isaksson came out for and knocked away, but Podolski put the loose ball into the back of the net, after deflecting it off a Swede's head. It would be a long day for Ballack, Podolski, and Klose having acres of space. In the 12th minute, Klose, moving across the top of the box, drew three defenders to him and dropped the ball off to Podolski who passed him moving the other way, and Podolski put Germany up 2-0.

The first twenty minutes were like watching Barcelona v ABN AMRO CDO or something, and the rest of the game seemed devoted to Ballack pounding away at the Swedish goal, trying to get himself on the scoreboard since the game was effectively over. Lucic got tossed for Sweden in the first half, and the only memorable Swedish attack consisted of Larsson milking a foul into a PK and then putting it into row ZZ. I suppose Sweden's elimination game was against England, if they couldn't get motivated for the whole 90 minutes of that game with elimination, playing Germany in Munich, an early meeting with Argentina, and for god's sake pride at stake, then they should have just gone home and let Trinidad play Germany.

And there is still nobody named Noo-ville who plays for Germany.

Germany 2-0 Sweden
'4 Podolski
'12 Podolski

Red Card: Lucic '35

Second Round

Just in case you weren't keeping track, here's one side of the draw, feeding into one semi-final, with today's games included:

A1	Germany  2
B2	Sweden  0	QF1
		Germany
		Argentina
C1	Argentina  2
D2	Mexico  1		SF1
			GER / ARG
			ITA / AUS / SWI / UKR
E1	Italy
F2	Australia	QF2
		ITA / AUS
		SWI / UKR
G1	Switzerland
H2	Ukraine

And here's the other side of the draw, feeding into the other semi-final:

B1	England
A2	Ecuador	QF3
		ENG / ECU
		POR / NED
D1	Portugal
C2	Netherlands		SF2
			ENG / ECU / POR / NED
			BRA / GHA / ESP / FRA
F1	Brazil
E2	Ghana
		BRA / GHA
		ESP / FRA
H1	Spain
G2	France

Here are the final rankings for all the teams that didn't make it:

17    Korea
18    Paraguay
19    Cote d'Ivoire
20    Czech Republic
21    Poland
22    Croatia
23    Angola
24    Tunisia
25T  Iran
25T  United States
27    Trinidad & Tobago
28T  Japan
28T  Saudi Arabia
30    Togo
31    Costa Rica
32    Serbia & Montenegro

Just glad to see a European team finish dead last so the internet will be deathly silent about who finished last in the whole recurring "Europe should send most of the teams" argument.

And here's the current Golden Boot leaders:

Klose  4
Crespo  3
Podolski  3
Rodriguez  3
Torres  3
9 with 2

Group H

I don't know how much there is to say about a game where the Ukraine squeaked past Tunisia when the Carthage Eagles were denied a penalty kick that could have gotten them a draw. Spain replaced all eleven starters for their game against Saudi Arabia, and won with the reserves. Not exactly a strong finish for a weird group. Spain and the Ukraine both advance, to play France and Switzerland, respectively. God only knows how they'll play, since the Ukraine has been awfully inconsistent and Spain has a long history of not showing up for big games.

Ukraine 1-0 Tunisia
'70 Shevchenko (pen)

Spain 1-0 Saudi Arabia
'36 Juanito

France v Togo

Henry's goal in the 14th minute should have stood if the linesmen actually knew the rules. Frank Ribery plays a ball past the defenders, and an onside David Trezeguet goes past them to play it. Thierry Henry moves with Trezeguet, and is past the defenders on the other side, and Trezeguet passes to Henry... who is behind the defenders but even with the ball. Henry puts the ball past the keeper for what should have been a goal, because anybody behind the ball is onside, regardless of where the defenders are. This is the second huge robbery of France after the goal the Korean keeper grabbed against his body while two feet behind the line. If this happened to the Italians or the English we'd never hear the end of it.

35 minutes in the linesmen still haven't decided to watch the game. They seem to be figuring that all players move at the same speed, so anybody who gets behind the defense must have had a head start. Henry is called offside again, because he's fast and was played onside by a Togolese defender on the other side of the field. I seriously don't know where they found these guys. Somebody get Pierluigi Collina out of that desert in Nevada where he's eating tourists, and back out onto the field. To be fair, in the 50th minute, yet another mysterious offside call went against Togo. I have no idea how they fucked that one up, but this crew will probably get the final now.

In 39th minute, it seemed clear France still couldn't score. Makelele took a long shot that was too hard for Agassa to hang onto, and Trezeguet came in for the rebound, but fired the rebound right at the keeper, who still couldn't grab it, and that rebound nearly dribbled over the line before Agassa jumped and smothered it with his body. They look a lot sharper with Zidane suspended, and the ball moving a lot quicker between Ribery, Henry, and Trezeguet. Henry does seem to be taking some weird final touches on the ball and missing the goal from point blank range.

Finally, in the 55th minute, Ribery takes the ball into the box, moving left and drawing two defenders and the keeper, while Patrick Vieira moves behind him. Ribery makes a short pass to Vieira who makes the quick turn and the shot into the corner, knowing the keeper can't come all the way back across the goal from where he was watching Ribery. In the 61st minute, Vieira flicks a header to Henry at the penalty spot, who slides right, turns and fires across the goal to the left post, and France is up 2-0.

Barthez tried to keep things interesting by diving to save a shot that was going wide, and handling it as it crossed the line to give Togo a corner kick (seriously, all he had to do was watch), but it was all over after that point. With a Swiss win over Korea, France advances to play Spain in the next round, while Switzerland meets the Ukraine (and my god will that game suck based on their other games).

Quick note to ESPN, raving about how the name "Michel Platini" rolls off the tongue is kind of stupid when you're pronouncing it wrong. Here's my Platini pronunciation guide: if he were Italian, the stress would go on the second syllable, making it Plah-TEEN-ee, and that's how ESPN keeps gently rolling it off their tongues. Since he's French, it's the inverse, PLAH-tih-NEE. The Jose+11 commercial where he appears runs 800 times a day for god's sake.

France 2-0 Togo
'55 Vieira
'61 Henry

Switzerland 2-0 South Korea
'24 Senderos
'77 Frei

USA v Ghana

The US crashing out of the cup and the character of these last day games and some of the ridiculous calls by referees really drained a lot of energy, and I've fallen quite a bit behind reviewing this stuff. But here was the US line-up for the Ghana game:

Keller

Bocanegra
Onyewu
Conrad
Cherundolo

Lewis
Beasley
Reyna
Donovan
Dempsey

McBride

Really I have no idea why McBride has to play all the time because he was good for a few weeks four years ago. He was invisible again today. Donovan's mouth seems to have completely overtaken his game, and he looks a lot worse for having failed in Europe and decided he won't play outside California anymore. Beasley there's some question as to whether this team's tactics and situation have really hindered his game, but at least he and Dempsey showed something today, and don't get me started on Onyewu or chasing Brad Friedel out of the US program. Or Ben Olsen.

The biggest "what the fuck was that" moment for me was Reyna, back with the defenders, last man to the goal, holding the ball like a statue looking for somebody he could distribute it to rather than clearing it. Apparently he has no peripheral vision, because Haminu Draman came in from his right, stole the ball and somehow injured Reyna at the same time. Draman then had only Keller to beat and scored. Ben Olsen had to come on a bit later for Reyna. Eight years ago Olsen was a fixture for our national team after coming up through DC United, and played for a second flight English team, but he hasn't been part of the national team for years that I knew of. I didn't take it as a good sign that he was playing at this level, and it obviously indicates that John O'Brian is hurt. Again.

In the 43rd minute, a Beasley pass is intercepted but muddled by Ghana's midfielders, so a streaking Beasley takes the ball back and bursts through. Getting out front on the left, he crossed the ball to the right side where Clint Dempsey was coming around the outside of the Ghanaian back line, and Dempsey pounded it into the back of the net. Perfect ball, hitting Dempsey in stride, so his first touch put it into the net. His goal dance left something to be desired, but Dempsey scored in a World Cup, so he can dance however he wants.

One of the most debated calls came just before halftime when Razak Pimpong beat Oguchi Onyewu for position on a cross, so Onyewu fouled him in the box. Onyewu had an arm wrapped around Pimpong, who fell while throwing the arm off of him, and Onyewu has been repeatedly warned about excessive use of his hands on attackers, so frankly I wasn't all that surprised that Ghana was awarded a penalty kick, which Appiah scored to tie the game going into the locker room at halftime.

Meanwhile the Czechs were down to ten men and down by one against Italy, so the US was getting everything they needed from the other game. The US had needed an Italian win in addition to a win over Ghana.

In the second half, Eddie Johnson came on for Cherundolo, who was probably playing the best out of all our defenders, kind of a strange decision. We brought on even more attackers, with Bobby Convey coming in for Eddie Lewis, but it didn't help too much. McBride did put a header off the post, our best offensive play of the tournament besides Dempsey's goal. Donovan taking free kicks and corners when he couldn't get them on target or into play was certainly helpful, as was the 90th minute shot by Olsen where he missed the ball entirely. 4th place is a fair result for the way this team played and the caliber of their opposition. Perhaps a better choice of personnel and better use of the players could have helped, but that's for the next coach to decide.

This game offered some more evidence for the total cluelessness of the world's linesmen, when three US players were offside, and the linesman put up his flag... and the ball went to Donovan who wasn't offside, while the other three moved back on, so they didn't interfere with the play. Do they even know that a player has to affect play somehow?

And how about putting some spikes in those cleats? The US was slipping and sliding all over the field the whole game, especially in front of goal. Holland and Portugal play here next, so good luck to them.

Italy advances to play Australia, and Ghana plays Brazil, while the US and the Czechs are eliminated.

Ghana 2-1 United States
'22 Draman
'43 Dempsey
'45+ Appiah (pen)

Italy 2-0 Czech Republic
'26 Materazzi
'87 Inzaghi

Noteworthy aftermath of the US-Italy game, Pablo Mastroeni is suspended for three games, which basically means two years from now he'll miss the first three games of the semi-final round of qualifying for South Africa 2010. and Daniele De Rossi for four games, which means De Rossi is officially finished for this World Cup. The Italian FA had requested that he be sent home voluntarily for his pointless attack on McBride, which was classy of them even if they couldn't enforce it, so I'm glad to see FIFA follow through for them.

Golden Boot & Last Place

Why a person would have this information at their disposal I don't know, but here's the somewhat early Golden Boot standings:

Klose Germany 4
Torres Spain 3
9 tied with 2

(Arjen Robben still just has the one goal against Serbia, and a long way to go.)

Zaccardo should have the edge in the own-goal Golden Boot race:
Gamarra Paraguay 1
Sancho Trinidad 1
Zaccardo Italy 1

And here's the leaderboard for last place:

Team (points / goal diferential / goals scored)
Togo 0pts -3 1
Costa Rica 0pts -6 3
Serbia & Montenegro 0pts -8 2

Only Togo can overtake Serbia, and they'd need to lose to France 5-0, or 7-1, or worse.

Netherlands v Argentina

This is the 8th meeting between these teams, and I do think it's interesting that the only time the Dutch lost was the final in '78. But as the 17th century Amsterdam philosopher Baruch Spinoza wrote shortly before his death in 1676 without ever seeing the Dutch win a World Cup, "De speel voetbal met twee handen rond uw keel is zeer moeilijk." (Curiously, Spinoza's syntax is often accused of sounding like he ran his work through babelfish.)

A few bench players got the start today for Holland, and 19 year old Ryan Babel coming in for Van Kneestillsore was another new face. I wasn't sure at first if leaving out Arjen Robben was an attempt to rest him for the second round or an attempt to improve Holland's anemic offense by not playing a ballhog. Based on the complete lack of energy Holland showed, I think it's pretty clear that it was the former.

Van der Sar
De Cler
Jaliens
Ooijer
Boulahrouz

Cocu
Sneijder (Maduro '86)
Van der Vaart

Van Persie (Landzaat '67)
Van Nistelrooij (Babel '56)
Kuijt

Organized into a sleepy 4-3-3 with a lot of lasagna stains on their uniforms. In the 83rd minute, as Babel was in a tough spot with two defenders at the just inside the corner of the penalty box, the narcolepsy hit him so hard he just slumped to the ground without warning. The referee stopped the game while the Argentine defenders, literally trying not to laugh at how pathetic a dive attempt that was, lifted him back on his feet. His one big shot had a nice narcolepsy bobble while he, wide open with loads of time, sat and watched a defender close on him, then couldn't get around the guy and plunked a shot off of him.

The most dangerous free kicks the Dutch took were equally uninspired. First Van Persie and then Van der Vaart couldn't shake off the lasagna coma long enough to get the ball on target, both sailed a mile wide. The defenders weren't so bad, and Argentina didn't do anything too creative to challenge them, although the point where Riquelme was calmly dribbling around the box with 4 Oranje defenders stumbling after him, and nobody could get the ball away was a little alarming. It was more alarming that Riquelme couldn't find anything to do with it since nobody made a run.

Okay then, coffee enemas all around before the Portugal game, boys, and for the love of god, lay off the lasagna. Seriously I think Van der Sar could have gotten pneumonia and bedsores being idle for that long.

Netherlands 0-0 Argentina
Portugal v Netherlands - Sunday at 2pm from Nuremburg
Argentina v Mexico - Saturday at 2pm from Leipzig

Apparently the offensively challenged Serbs finally got out of their own half and took a 2-0 lead against Cote d'Ivoire, which would have moved them out of last place for the tournament, but then they blew that giving up three goals and two penalties, and they've got an iron grip on it. I only care because the four years of hearing about the US' last place finish in France'98 were very tough on a person as thin-skinned as I am, and if Costa Rica finished dead last it sparks more arguments about how Finland or Moldova or whatever European team would have dramatically increased the quality of the tournament if they'd had Costa Rica's spot. Don't anybody undercut my hyperbole by pointing out that the next qualifier from Europe would have been one of Norway, Slovakia, or Turkey, and not Moldova.

Cote d'Ivoire 3-2 Serbia & Montenegro
'10 Zigic
'20 Ilic
'37 Dindane (pen)
'67 Dindane
'85 Kalou (pen)

Portugal v Mexico

Portugal came in leading the group, needing only a draw to be sure of winning outright, while Mexico a potential, if not exactly terrifyingly likely, risk of losing second place to Angola. Realistically Angola had to win 3-0, or Portugal had to mop the floor with Mexico. So they just played boring, shitty football, which blended in nicely with the other three games (other than maybe the second half of England-Sweden). I didn't watch the Angola game (thanks to the cheating Germans in '82 the third game of every group is played simultaneously) but it looked like they really went for the win, even if they came up short. The chances of not making it were slim, and the prize for first is playing Holland so it may be hard to get motivated, but I'm really just a bit annoyed by four straight games of sleepy football.

Portuguese midfielders kept getting great chances coming forward, including Maniche's wide-open shot in the 6th minute, and I have absolutely no idea what Marquez was thinking when he really obviously reached over his head on a corner kick. On the resulting penalty, Simao stepped up and hesitated, freezing the keeper, and then fired past him to put Portugal up 2-0.

Mexico did briefly look pissed off and dangerous after that, and a long free kick into the box led to a header for Marquez, who flicked the ball to the far post, but Bravo's shot was tipped over the bar. Fonseca headed the corner perfectly into the far post side netting, with two Mexicans waiting to clean it up if he went wide. That was kind of it though. In the second half Bravo got a penalty shot when Miguel, falling over, stuck a hand out to catch himself and hit the ball instead, but he put it way over the bar.

What really stood out, again, came when Luis Perez was tossed in the second half for his second yellow. He was called for diving, and pursued the ref halfway across the field protesting, making contact with the ref several times. That's two violations that could get him a card, for diving and for dissent. Nevertheless, we got treated to five minutes of the party line from ESPN that the refs shouldn't enforce the rules in any noticeable way that inconveniences anybody. The fact that FIFA is blindingly obviously trying to change the culture of the game and using their one high profile event to do it is completely lost on these people who are protesting that it isn't like the old days. All defenders, too... it's Harkes and Balboa whining on TV, invoking Franz Beckenbauer's statements that he's upset about all the yellow cards. Meanwhile the fans are bored with kicking and shirt-pulling, diving for free kick and set pieces are the only way to score, and the world's best players aren't on the field because their legs keep getting broken. FIFA's doing the right thing, and if the big leagues in Europe follow their lead it would be good for the long-term health of the game. If players don't expect to be penalized, a culture of cheating flourishes when there are 28 cameras covering the game, so the fans see everything the officials don't call. The video circulating of Crouch pulling on a defender's dreads to get over him for a header should prove that fans not only see this stuff, but don't consider it a healthy part of the game. Just my opinion, anyways.

Portugal 2-1 Mexico
'6 Maniche
'23 Simao (pen)
'29 Fonseca

Angola 1-1 Iran
'60 Flavio
'75 Bakhtiarizadeh

England v Sweden

In the first minute of this game, Michael Owen's knee buckled under him and he had to crawl off the field. Peter Crouch came in for him, which I would think would be England's best partnership up front. They certainly looked a lot sharper once Rooney came in against Trinidad. This also does mean Crouch is England's only healthy striker.

The Swedes set the tone for the first half when Owen crawled off the field, by not pushing up and taking advantage of England being down a man for 3-4 minutes before they took Owen away for an MRI and sent in Crouch. The Swedes didn't really show up to play until the opening of the second half. The second round can't come fast enough if this is how teams are going to close out the group stage, figuring they're 75% sure where they'll end up so why bother. At least the rest of the groups have a meaningful game left, although Ukraine v Tunisia could be two teams hitting the snooze button until the cab comes to pick up Tunisia to take them to the airport.

On the plus side, England's first goal was pretty cool. Joe Cole takes a really long shot, from way out, that looks like it's going into row ZZ, and like an optical illusion or something it drops enough to go under the bar. Isaksson got a hand on it when he realized it was coming down but not enough to tip it over the bar. It was just a perfect shot, unless you're Brazilian in which case it was a lucky fluke (like Ronaldinho's winner against England in 2002 that they didn't stop whining about for at least two years).

In the second half, the Swedes came to play, and came out on a tear to start the second half. On a Swedish free kick, Marcus Allback shook off Beckham coming across the 6 yard box and flicked a header to the far post where it glanced off the top of Ashley Cole and into the roof of the net. On the replay you can see Beckham lazily fall behind Allback and hurriedly wipe incriminating traces of lasagna from his mouth when Allback scores. That was the 2000th goal scored in the World Cup. The same play nearly scored on a free kick from the other side three minutes later, but Robinson slapped this one over the bar. Olof Mellberg put a shot off the crossbar on another set piece two minutes later, and England just looked terrible and disorganized on all these free kicks and corners. That really can't bode well. At some point during this frenzy of corner kicks England took off Ali G and put in Sol Campbell, I don't know if that made any difference, and everybody went back to sleep for a half hour.

England pulled ahead in the 85th minute when Sweden really broke down, giving Joe Cole way too much time to set up a cross and leaving Steven Gerrard unattended on the back post for the open header. Henrik Larsson tied it back up in the 90th minute on a header from a throw-in to preserve Sweden's 38 year unbeaten streak against England, but I don't know that anybody really wanted to win this game. Fortunately for Sweden, they got the draw and Trinidad blew it against Paraguay to give them some insurance, but god, I wish there was a bye for group winners or free coffee and hookers or something to wake these guys up for the last game.

Sweden 2-2 England
'34 J. Cole
'50 Allback
'85 Gerrard
'90 Larsson

Paraguay 2-0 Trinidad & Tobago
'25 Sancho (o.g.)
'86 Cuevas

(Of the three goals scored by Paraguay and Trinidad players in this tournament, two were on their own #&@$'ing nets.)

England will now avoid Germany until the final, sparing us the horrible taste shown by English fans, who apparently have no associations for Germany other than a war they didn't live through (some of them did, obviously, but I'm referring to David Beckham hiring WWII fighters to fly over his World Cup party and all the idiots taking inflatable spitfires to Germany, where doing something like that is considered glorifying the deaths of millions in the war and the holocaust). I have an uncle who fought in the pacific, and knew many guys in the navy who were insanely racist towards asians all their lives because of serving in that war, but I'd be ashamed to tell him I was going to Japan for a World Cup carrying an inflatable Enola Gay. I don't know why this is annoying me so much, but it's probably because both the US and Britain are in the middle of a war and dealing with the aftermath of terrorism, so "My grandparents were good at killing yours!" seems like a really dumb thing to say at a fucking game. Maybe England's next game can be moved to Dresden if they really want to rub it in. I'm sure I do the same thing, but I'm using the Ian Wright exception and claiming it's not hypocrisy when I do it.

England plays Ecuador on Sunday, and the winner plays the winner of Portugal vs Holland. Sweden plays Germany on Saturday, with the winner playing the winner of Argentina vs Mexico, although I have a fair fucking clue who that's going to be.

I think this is by far the most disturbing image to come out of this world cup.

Germany v Ecuador, Race for Dead Last

While I can't claim to be an expert on Ecuador's player pool, supposedly they came out with a pretty weak line-up for this game. Ecuador had already qualified for the second round, and the second place finisher may have an easier quarterfinal, so it wasn't like there was a lot to play for. Ecuador came out sluggish, and really didn't look threatening for most of the game.

Miroslav Klose took charge of the golden boot race with two first half goals through a very disorganized Ecuadorean defense. In the second half on Podolski's goal, Mora practically just watched it go past him into the net, and the Ecuadorean defender playing the cross did a great job. Way too far away to put any pressure on Schneider, but in perfect position to let Podolski get ahead of his defender without being offside.

Germany 3-0 Ecuador
'4 Klose
'44 Klose
'57 Podolski

And in the race for dead last in the tournament:

Poland 2-1 Costa Rica
'24 Gomez
'33 Bosacki
'66 Bosacki

Costa Rica making up some ground on Serbia, who are currently still dead last. Contending for that spot, all with zero points:

Team +/- Goals
Cote d'Ivoire -2 2
Togo -3 1
Iran -4 1
Costa Rica* -6 3
Serbia -7 0

Everybody but Costa Rica has a game to play and can move up (or down), and get off this list by getting a draw or better. The marquee match-up for incompetence is Cote d'Ivoire against Serbia & Montenegro tomorrow, ball-hogging versus not getting out of your own half.

Friday Implications

FREITAG
9am
Saudi Arabia v Spain
Ukraine v Tunisia

The Ukraine has a shot at displacing Spain if the Saudis win and the Ukraine beats Tunisia by like at least 5 goals. So basically the Ukraine game is to insure that they make the second round. A draw for the Ukraine finishes off Tunisia and would require the Saudis to beat Spain by 5 goals to displace the Ukraine. Really the risk is a win by Tunisia puts them in the second round. Barring something ridiculous, Spain will probably head to Hanover, and the Ukraine or Tunisia to Cologne.

2pm
Togo v France
Switzerland v Korea

I wrote this whole mess up, but really, whoever loses is going home, along with Togo. If Korea draws, they have to become the world's biggest Togo supporters or they're screwed, and France had better be looking to win big. Winner goes to Cologne to meet the Ukraine (or Tunisia), second place to Hanover to play Spain.

Tunisia v Spain

Eight minutes in, Ziad Jaziri running downfield shakes one defender off of him, takes the rest of the defenders down with him into the six yard box, turns around and comes back, still fighting off three guys, and chips the ball across the box to Mnari arriving out of midfield. Casillas saves Mnari's first shot, but Mnari is the only one to follow the rebound, and pounds it past Casillas to take an early lead for Tunisia. God I was laughing my ass off at that, given how built-up Spain is in the media every tournament. They're everybody's favorite dark horse, but they always melt down at some point. It's hard to play football with two hands around your throat. Spain's talent will probably still win them this game, because it Tunisia couldn't put away Saudi Arabia they're not going to put away Spain, but I can't help but enjoy seeing the Carthage Eagles put a goal like that past them. Supposedly there's a major issue in that for much of the Spanish team, there is no such thing as "Spain" they all want to bring home a trophy to, because most of them think of themselves as coming from Valencia, Catalunya, Euskadi, etc. Anyways, it's just a theory I've heard.

Apparently according to Spanish coach Luis Araagones, Spanish striker was not on the bench because he's an overrated player who goes missing in big matches for Real Madrid and Spain. In fact, he just didn't particularly want to play in a world cup. Well, apparently they coaxed him out onto the field in the second half of this game, because he came on as a sub to score the equalizer for Spain. In the 71st minute a pass across the top of the box by Joaquin, and a step-over by Torres left the ball with Xavi Alonso, who took a weak shot across the ground. The Tunisian keeper gave up a huge rebound, which was a huge mistake, and Raul, following up on the play got to it first and banged it into the net.

The Tunisian keeper really was the difference, and five minutes later Fernando Torres gets a bit ahead of the defense on a long pass, and the keeper comes way out to the corner of the box to contest it, whereupon Torres, who looked like he was positioning himself to hold the ball up to wait for teammates, just fires it past him into the empty net. Torres came up with a third goal in stoppage time when he was hauled down in the box for a penalty. The keeper got to the shot as well, but knocked it down underneath himself without slowing it down, so Torres scored. On Tunisia's only real chance to tie things back up, they had about 4 guys offside, and still got a player booked for dissent for arguing the call.

But what I want to know is what the deal was with the guy waving the confederate flag in the Spanish supporters' section after the third goal? Andalusia shall rise again?

Spain 3-1 Tunisia
'8 Mnari
'71 Raul
'76 Torres
'90 Torres

Ukraine v Saudi Arabia

I really thought the Ukraine's 0-4 complete annihilation by Spain might come back to haunt them, but Tunisia's struggling to a draw against the Saudis helped, and so did this game. Other than at about the hour mark when the Saudis went on a real offensive spree, they looked pretty well outclassed by the Ukraine.

Defender Andriy Rusol scored early for the Ukraine on the receiving end of a set piece, and it looked like things might get interesting after that. Teams are usually a little disorganized and vulnerable after scoring a goal, kind of like the brief male post-coital coma, so there was some awfully shaky marking by the Ukraine on a set piece at the other end. Rusol also came close to scoring an own goal on a shot that deflected off his shin 20 minutes later, but generally speaking the Ukraine's defense was pretty solid. Rusol had the perfect tackle in the penalty area in the second half, sliding and knocking the ball away from Omar then pulling his legs back so abruptly to avoid the foul and a penalty. So well done that Omar, when he tried to stretch his leg out and make contact with Rusol before falling down, couldn't reach at full extension, and tripping over a piece of dirt three feet to his right got him a yellow card for diving.

Sergei Rebrov, back from the Land of the Dead (or maybe it was just Tottenham) kept it going with one of those long shots that's in the back of the net before anybody realizes he's taken it or where it's going, and the keeper has to just watch it rattle the net on the far side. It was looking like 3-0 when a Saudi defender tried to make a bicycle kick clearance on a ball intended for Andrii Shevchenko, unfortunately his clearance went right to a wide open (and probably surprised) Andriy Voronin who put it wide. The Saudis committed what I thought was a really pointless foul out at the sideline in stoppage time, and Shevchenko finished off the half with a header off the free kick.

The Ukraine's defense got back in on the action late, in the 84th minute Shevchenko, pulling the whole defense and the keeper towards him him like a magnet, cut a ball back for Maxim Kalinichenko, who put it in the top of the net as the keeper vainly tried to dive back across the goal. Really nice looking stuff from the Ukraine, and nice to see the defenders, who really could use a boost of confidence after the thrashing by Spain, score two goals.

Apparently only Italy and Saudi Arabia use only players from their domestic leagues, something that's often commented on by Italians who go abroad, that you can't make the national team even if you play for a huge club in Spain or England. The Saudis have the issue England has had, where English players were so considered so valuable by English clubs that there were cheaper alternatives. The Saudis apparently make so much in Saudi Arabia that there's nobody willing to offer enough to lure them away. I kind of wonder if that puts a ceiling on player development, like Landon Donovan only playing in California, but hey who knows.

Ukraine 4-0 Saudi Arabia
'3 Rusol
'45 Shevchenko
'36 Rebrov
'84 Kalinichenko

Brief Implications for This Week's Games

DIENSTAG
9am (US Central)
Costa Rica v Poland
Germany v Ecuador

The Poland-Costa Rica game has no implications whatsoever outside Costa Rica and Poland. I guess the city of Hanover might have an interest in a calm, uncontroversial Poland win, since they'll have a huge number of Polish fans in the city. The big game is in Berlin, though, and Germany needs an outright win to take the group. Both teams advance anyways, and their opponents won't be decided until around 4pm. The draw doesn't dramatically improve either way. Winner goes to Munich, loser to Stuttgart.

2pm
England v Sweden
Paraguay v Trinidad & Tobago

Again, the Paraguay game is for last place, with Trinidad needing only a draw to finish third and give the finger to everybody who said they shouldn't be at the tournament. England v Sweden decides who plays Germany and who plays Ecuador, and thanks to a little help from Trinidad, England only needs a draw to finish first. Winner goes to Stuttgart, loser to Munich.

MITTWOCH
9am
Portugal v Mexico
Iran v Angola

Angola has an outside shot of taking second in this group, but they need to beat Iran to do it, and they need Mexico to lose, and they need to make up a few of goals on top of it. Mexico can also take 1st away from Portugal with a win. Whoever finishes on top goes to Nuremburg, and second place to Leipzig.

2pm
Holland v Argentina
Cote d'Ivoire v Serbia

The CIV-SCG game is possibly for dead last in the tournament, since Serbia has a two goal lead on dead last, and owns the tiebreaker. The Holland-Argentina game is for the group lead, and because of the 6-0 thumping Argentina put on Serbia, the Dutch need to win outright. BTW, what a disapointing Group of Death, the worst record in the tournament might come out of this group and it was all over after two matches. Winner goes to Leipzig, loser to Nuremburg.

DONNERSTAG
9am
Czech Republic v Italy
USA v Ghana

God only knows how this will all shake out in the Diet Coke of Death (just one calorie), the only team that can't win it is the US. Winner goes to Kaiserslautern, second place goes to Dortmund, and trust me, you don't want to go to Dortmund (see below).

2pm
Brazil v Japan
Australia v Croatia

I'm totally looking forward to Australia facing the country that provides a third of their players (by ancestry, they didn't have a yard sale in Split or something). The Croats need to win outright to stay alive, and even that may not help. Brazil can win the group with a draw, Australia can clinch second with a win (or first if the Japanese go nuts and wax Brazil by 3 goals or something), the Croats and the Japanese both need wins to pass up the Australians for second. Realistically, Brazil will go to Dortmund, and the winner of Australia v Croatia will go to Kaiserslautern.

So to the person most likely to call me everyday and ask this stuff, here you go. I'll get to Friday when I finish watching Spain v Tunisia, so go get an ottoman or something.

Group G - SUI, KOR, FRA

I forgot to summarize what happens on day three for Group G (not that anybody would have noticed that omission). The short version is: win on Friday or you're probably fucked.

Group G Standings:
Switzerland 4pts 2-0
South Korea 4 pts 3-2
France 2pts 1-1
Togo 0pts 1-4

Togo was eliminated by their loss to Switzerland, but Switzerland, South Korea, or France can all easily finish first, second, or third. On Friday, France plays Togo, and Switzerland plays South Korea.

The simple outcomes:

If France loses to Togo, they are eliminated. South Korea would need a win to win the group, Switzerland needs a win or a draw.

If France beats Togo, the winner of the Switzerland-Korea game wins the group, and France takes second.

The complicated one:

Switzerland draws with Korea, and France beats Togo, so everybody is tied on 5 points. Starting with the lowest scoring way (0-0, 1-0) it works out like this:

1. Switzerland - goal differential +2, min goals scored 2
2. Korea - goal differential +1, min goals scored 3
3. France - min goal differential +1, min goals scored 2

To move up, France can a) win big, b) score a lot of goals, or c) a combination of both. Here are the possibilities, and who finishes first and second:

1) France wins by 3 - FRA. SUI

2) France wins by 2

2a) France wins by 2 and Switzerland scores as many goals as France (in a high scoring draw) - SUI, FRA

2b) France wins by two and outscores Switzerland by 2 on the day - FRA, SUI

2c) France wins by 2, scoring one more goal than Switzerland - coin toss between FRA and SUI for 1st

3) France wins by 1

3a) France wins by one, outscores Korea on the day by 2 (2-1 and 0-0, 4-3 and 2-2, etc.) - SUI, FRA

3b) France wins by one, and outscores Korea on the day by less than two goals (1-0 and 0-0, or 3-2 and 2-2) - SUI, KOR

So basically anybody who doesn't win is looking at elimination by France, and a higher scoring draw is a potential 3-way tie-breaker versus France for both Korea and Switzerland. A win may do it for France, but every goal they put in the back of the net is a potential 3-way tiebreaker.

(BTW, there can't be a perfect three way tie since Korea and Switzerland can't have the same goal differential, so no need to go to the "throw out the results against Togo" tie-breaker subsection, thank the lord. Head to head is irrelevant because only teams that drew against each other can tie.)