Top 10 Things I'm Looking Forward to at the Big Wedding

10. Going with PJ to pick up the wedding cake, and finding he plans to get a “cake” alright... from Cornelier's.

9. The bridesmaids singing “We are Siamese if you Please” (let me dream)

8. Cruising Lake Michigan and making the Captain do the “I'm the King of the World” thing from Titanic again. Come on, we did it in choppy water in the rain last time, and it's not like we've gotten any smarter since then.

7. The happy couple taking their vows in the form of song: a duet called “Sesame and Ivory”.

6. The Captain having an uncomfortably long dance with the bride, through several songs, until she passes somebody a fortune cookie with a cry for help inside. (After all those games of Mercy, nobody gets free from that guy's grip.)

5. Seeing two dear friends share their first dance as man and wife... breakin' it on a cardboard square to the dulcet tones of DJ Bigfoot.

4. Rudolf showing us how to party ADO Den Haag style, at least until the national guard shows up..

3. Dr. Euler catching the bouquet, and immediately dashing back to Switzerland to keep it hidden from the Jews.

2. This enlightened exchange between in-laws after a few rounds of Amstel and Tsingtao:

“I'm from Den Haag, so if one of you slanties calls me a Kraut one more time I'm putting you all back on the boat to Shanghai.”

“Oh you know you round-eyed devils all look alike, now fuck off back to Denhagen and leave me alone, you Nazi queer.”

1. This guy's wedding toast.