10. The Poorly Conceptualized Parade Floats (never letting this one go, PJ)
9. The Frenchy's Cream-filled Baguettes
8. The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champagne Buckets
7. The Stove Pipe Hats (it's up to the Land of Lincoln to bring back that fashion trend)
6. The Gophers (No way that's taken, right? What?!)
5. The Pandas (the hooligans can bring bamboo sticks to beat the other team with)
4. The River Queens (selling the naming rights to the River Queen in E. Dubuque could fund half the theater department)
3. The Uncovered Manholes (show the North Side some love, if you know what I mean)
2. The University of Illinois Fighting Escaped Prisoners (they already have the orange jumpsuits)
1. Honor Abraham Lincoln's legacy by acknowledging that the whole shape of the state with the Mississippi River coming off the end just looks like a Giant Penis Urinating on the Confederacy.
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