I was again marveling at the stupidity of people today, when I encountered that persistent failure of synapses to close that plagues people who sneak food into theatres. It doesn't seem to matter what kind of theatre it is, whether it's a movie, a college art history lecture, or whatever, just so long as its dark and quiet, so every noise is magnified. People who sneak in food for some reason love two things: crunchy chips in crinkly foil bags, and soda in aluminum cans. It never crosses their minds at the store that they're buying the loudest goddamned food on earth short of brining in a live lobster and dropping it screaming into a boiling pot in the seat next to them. The film Babel's Japan subplot has scenes immersed in the perspective of a deaf girl, that are almost perfectly silent... which is probably not the time to slowly pop the top on your soda can. Why is it the people who can't go two hours without snacks can't ever bring an egg salad sandwich? If you need to chew with your mouth open, try bringing some softer foods you can gum down, for god's sake.
I would probably have dismissed the stupid snackers if it wasn't for the fact that when I got home, I had about my 4th "Breaking News" email from CNN.com about fucking Anna Nicole Smith. I thought the first one, dumbass freak with big tits found dead (something like that anyways), really covered that story in all the detail I was looking for. If I needed to know more, I would have been perfectly happy to seek that information out on my own. But now I can rest easy because I've just been assured there is no indication of foul play. I'm not kidding, I think I've had as many emails from CNN about Anna Nicole Smith as I have about Osama bin Laden in the last five years, and I'm convinced, the people who demand that CNN do more hard-hitting stories about unintelligible blonde gold-diggers that can be used as a flotation device are also the ones making nachos with a blowtorch in the back of movie theatres.
(And yes, my pretentious use of the anglophilic spelling "theatre" is also a sign that people are stupid.)
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