Mad Money

Cramer: Ennis from Illinois, HIT ME ENNIS!

Ennis: I got a big Lakeshore East BOO-YAH coming at you, Cramer!

Cramer: An urban residential over-development crash in Chicago housing prices boo-yah back at you! What's your stock, Ennis?

Ennis: Is it too late to buy Caterpillar?

Cramer: Caterpillar, that's CAT for all you homegamers! I know what you're thinking, Ennis! Parker-Hannifin is THE hydraulic power company and they just put out their numbers! CAT uses hydraulics and you're seeing multi-million dollar reports about using CAT for those oil sands up in Canada! But you know what we say here on Mad Money, Ennis: Bulls make money! Bears make money! But CATs get strangled! Bill in Minnesota, BILL!

Bill: Boo-yah, Cramer! BOO-BOO-BOO-YAH! I'm looking for a play in Chicago area businesses aimed at closeted homosexuals, looking to make some MAD MONEY SKEE-DADDY! EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAIIIIGGGHHHH!!!

Cramer: A big most annoying sound in the world boo-yah back at you, Bill! Let's talk about that sector. In the late 90s it was all but for five years it's done nothing! It's been taking a nap! It's had a white sheet pulled up over its head, walking around in a daze! It's been eating too much lasagna and sleeping it off! You've got to make a play in this sector, you've got to look at North Coast Cafe, Gold Coast Video, BoyTown housing, but don't forget nightspots! My best of breed is Bangcock, but my play is Hydrate, because I'm seeing a big future for them for the crypto-queers who loved it when it was called the Manhole, moved to Europe but are coming back in a big way with refined tastes and are going to love the new image! HYDRATE is the play, baby for all you home gamers that's PCFJ, trading on CME! Ryan from Illinois, hit me Ryan!

Ryan: Cramer! I'm projecting huge growth for adult businesses in the Midwest in the next year due to large purchasing agreements funded from Chicago and fulfilled in either Minneapolis or Chicago. What I need to know is what's the best of breed for Chicago-area adult bookstores, and more importantly, what about pin action?

Cramer: That definitely calls for a big glory hole boo-yah whenever a caller brings up pin action! The analysts will all tell you Frenchy's, but here on Mad Money we don't listen to analysts, we try to beat the analysts! Frenchy's consistently outperforms other adult bookstores like Gold Coast Books because it the French theme adds that touch of European class, it makes you think about baguettes and croissants, what it does is it stimulates sense memories of high quality baked goods, which make you feel like rewarding your senses with some hot action back in the booth! But it's not my best of breed, because when you get the munchies afterwards, you've got to walk into a White Hen Pantry afterwards under those florescent lights hoping you didn't skeet all over pants and not realize it in the dark! So here's what you do, you keep the good feeling going. You take your adult bookstore, and you don't put a big sign up, you find yourself a great French restaurant, and you put a GOD DAMNED GIGANTIC FRENCH FLAG OUT FRONT THAT DRAPES OVER BOTH PLACES! That way you both benefit from foot traffic and you get to bask in the glow of real good food, not the fake "Is it a bakery or is it porn?" thing they got going on at Frenchy's. But guess what, somebody already beat us to it, and they're called TJ's! They've got the mussels in white wine! They've got the glory holes! They've got it all baby! Allons enfants de la patrie, l'heure de victoire est arrive, skee-daddy! That's it for Mad Money, I'll be at TJ's making THEM some MAD MONEY!!!