Since I watch a ridiculous number of movies, and I am constantly amazed by the lack of taste and intellect shown by the voters of all the various end of year awards (the proof of lack of taste and intellect is disagreeing with me about anything), I thought I should list the films from last year that would be winners at a hypothetical Rufus Awards. And the Roofie goes to:
Best Picture - Drama: Brokeback Mountain
Best Picture - Musical or Comedy: Wedding Crashers
Best Foreign Film: Kung Fu Hustle
Most Horrifying Film: The Devil's Rejects
Best Animated Film: Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Best Popcorn Movie: Batman
Worst Film: Doom
And finally, the Pavilion Place Award for Best Film in any Category: Serenity
Best Actor: Phillip Seymour Hoffman for "Capote"
Best Actress: Felicity Huffman for "Transamerica"
Best Music Actually Relevant to the Movie: Hustle & Flow
George Clooney Memorial "Better Social Commentary than Crash" Award: Land of the Dead
Paul Jessup Award for the Year's Best Drew Barrymore Romantic Comedy: Fever Pitch
Best Homicidal Teenager: My Summer of Love
Best Use of a Batman Villain: March of the Penguins
The Squeaky Award for best Period Piece: Pride & Prejudice
The Psych Ward Bible Guy Award for the Best Appearance by Jesus: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
The Frenchy's Award for Best Use of Naked Chicks: Mrs. Henderson Presents
Most Unintentionally Ironic Film: Mr. and Mrs. Smith
And a special Roofie to "9 Songs" for having the daring to combine boring concert footage, boring narration, and hardcore explicit (yet still boring) sex scenes into a truly boring movie which showed film-goers looking for a brief escape from their boring lives a badly lit and boring vision of two people's boring lives. Lead actress Margot Stilley seemed to be the only person involved with this project who had a pulse, but she also has more money shots than character development, so I can only wish her well in her acting career.
And finally, the 1st Lifetime Achievement Roofie goes to Philip Frank Preeshl, for his years of service in bringing the magic of film to the people of Roseville.
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