Netherlands v Portugal

The story here was the way the referee completely lost control of the game. He may be criticized for setting a record for the record number of cards he gave out, which topped out at a staggering 16, with Costinha, Deco, Boulahrouz, and van Bronckhorst all sent off for a second yellow, but that wasn't the problem. Calling the game tight is fine, but this was a dirty game on both sides that he couldn't get a hold of. What was amazing was when he'd strut proudly up to give a player a card and behind him a fight would break out. His linesman had to tell him about the head butt Luis Figo threw while he was giving out another card, and then Figo took a ridiculous dive holding his face like he'd been hit with a hammer to get Boulahrouz sent off, to say nothing of the fight that broke out behind his back while he was giving a card to Deco.

I really gave up caring in the first half when in the midst of all the cards flying, an airborne Arjen Robben took Carvalho's cleat right just south of his clavicle, with no call until several more players were taken down and a free kick finally awarded. The Portuguese have a reasonable complaint to complement that one, since the first two times Cristiano Ronaldo touched the ball he was taken down, with yellow cards given both times for dangerous play. He left the game in the first half injured, and while he annoys the crap out of me, this is what FIFA's guidelines to cut down on dangerous play were for, to protect the creative players so we could have a game played at a high level.

That sucked, and the phantom offside calls, and the way the Oranje didn't know what to do with the ball in the Portuguese end all game sure didn't help, like when Van Persie on the end-line faked a Portuguese defender out of his cleats and sent a gentle pass rolling across the mouth of the goal, but since the rest of the team was watching him rather than making any kind of a run to the far post, it just achingly slowly, tantalizingly, rolled in front of the empty net before being cleared well on the far side. By the end of the game the Dutch offense consisted of Robben (and others) running up to people and falling over trying to get a penalty called, just disgraceful.

There were only a couple bits of real football worth commenting on in between the fouls, one was Edwin van der Sar keeping Holland in the game when he was repeatedly hung out to dry by his defenders. He had to do quite a bit of yelling at ball-watching defenders in this tournament, and came up with some brilliant moves to bail them out. Portugal's goal was a nicely done as well, a perfect square pass by Deco to Pauleta who held the ball up between two defenders, and passed it back out to Maniche for the shot. The one really memorable attempt the Dutch had was a Kuijt pass to Robben, who tried a bicycle kick that sadly went right into a defender's foot, and then Cocu played the rebound off the underside of the crossbar, bouncing down right in front of the goal but not going in. I still think Kuijt sounds like it should be Dutch slang for vagina, like "I'm in your kuijt with my kloten banging against your bruin oog," something like that.

Portugal goes on to play England, but they'll be without Costinha, Deco, and possibly Cristiano Ronaldo, who missed training due to injury but says he wants to play against England.

Portugal 1-0 Netherlands
'23 Maniche
Red cards: Costinha ('45), Boulahrouz ('63), Deco ('78), Van
Bronckhorst ('90)

Timberwolves and Adam Morrison

I have no idea who's good in college or in Europe, and there's no real consensus on who will be available when the Timberwolves pick at #6. It's not clear if the Wolves will move down, or if they'll use their accumulated 2nd round picks to get another 1st round pick. Nothing is clear, except I want to say right now, please don't draft Adam Morrison, because I can't root for anyone with that shitty 'tache. Seriously he looks like he should be on some shady underage gay porn website, and I can't look at that shit around his mouth every time I go to a game.

England v Ecuador

kind of questionable foul against Ecuador leads to a free kick 30 yards out, over the wall, surgical strike right inside the post, Mora can only get one hand to it but it's too strong. note to ESPN, the keeper was over on the left because the WALL IS SUPPOSED TO STOP SHOTS LIKE BECKHAM'S. christ all fucking mighty, is Mora supposed to stand on the near post and hope Beckham/Gerrard don't go far post?

I was a bit surprised by some of England's defensive choices, for instance starting Owen Hargreaves at right back, and starting the injured Ali G over Sol Campbell. Apparently Beckham was also not feeling too well in the days before the game, but didn't tell anybody. While he did certainly make a contribution to the game, he also threw up on the field. When Aaron Lennon came on for him 87 minutes in, I was a bit surprised that it took that long to give a breather to an old, dehydrated, vomiting player who thought it would be funny to wear long sleeves in the heat as part of some running joke with Wayne Rooney. Beckham did score England's goal, and it was a thing of beauty, but when Lennon came on and actually played like a winger, it did stand out a bit how limited Beckham's skill set has become, unlike back in the day when he still had a really high work rate.

Here's another thing, Wayne Rooney plays at Manchester United behind a classic centre-forward in Ruud van Kneestillsore, and really seems to shine playing as a mezzapunta where he can be more creative, and looked pretty good as the spark in a controlled short passing game for England earlier in the tournament. So instead he played up front on his own. And frankly I don't think England looked too good with him up there. For instance the play where he tried to pull the Andrew Katz move and poke the ball between two defenders then force his way between them didn't work as well as it did on the SPA coed 5th-6th grade team, and with no other striker and no midfielders who can get forward, he had nothing else he could do with it. Watching him try to move the pile like a fullback on 3rd and short was pretty amusing, until he started crying for a penalty. (It should be noted that like my analysis of the growing trade in securitized operating assets, this is all based on ignorant rambling and conjecture.)

The key play of this game, the one I'd expect to see again, was a ball flicked forward by Ecuador in the 11th minute. John Terry headed the ball way up in the air, still moving back towards England's goal, and Carlos Tenorio blew past him with no other England defenders anywhere in sight except Ashley Cole way across the field. What saved England was a terrible first touch by Tenorio that meant he took too long settling the ball for a shot, and Cole was able to dive into his path, meaning Tenorio had to put the shot too high to clear Cole and hit the crossbar. Playing that far up and having some seriously shaky plays by their back line will be trouble, and they've had a few miraculous defensive recoveries on what looked like sure goals to get them this far. Then again, despite playing like crap, they have pulled it out every time they needed to.

There is one other thing worth noting about Beckham's free kick goal, which was very nicely done. Beckham took a shot from 30 yards out, over a wall that got pretty high up, and had it dipping down well under the bar, just inside the near post, with a lot of power still on it, just a really impressive kick. Mora got one hand to it, but couldn't slow it down enough to stop it. Really there's nothing anybody can do about that, so don't listen to ESPN's commentators moaning about Mora's bad positioning, since he was doing his job, covering the far post, while the wall is supposed to prevent a shot like that. If Beckham can get it up and down over the wall with something on it, Mora can't do anything to prevent that unless he's left an inviting target in the space he's leaving on the back post.

Almost everybody who took their foot off the gas and tried to coast to the second round in their last game is now finished, including Sweden, Ecuador, Mexico, Spain, and Holland, with Argentina the sole survivor.

England 1-0 Ecuador
'60 Beckham

England plays Portugal in the quarterfinals, winner faces the winner of Brazil v France in the semifinals. And then we can have even more video clips of David Beckham vomiting.

Simon & Simon

A TV show that went off the air 20 years ago, Simon & Simon, recently came up in conversation.  I didn't have time then to explain why I'm so pissed off at that show, so I thought I'd take a moment now.  It really came down to episode #24:  Murder Between the Lines.  I saw I think half of that episode back in 1983 as a little kid, but I never saw the end until  about 20 years later.  Here's the thing, it opened with this shot of the bottom of a swimming pool that looked a lot like the pool I used to swim in, and these black-gloved hands slip a book with a big skull on the cover into view on the bottom of the pool, then handcuff a playfully swimming woman's leg to a grate in the bottom of the pool.  Watching somebody drown while first nobody notices and then can't help was pretty freaky at that tender age.  As it turns out in the episode, this author wrote a book where he based his characters on real people, and then killed those characters off, but now the real people are dying exactly like their literary counterparts, with a copy of the book left at the scene of each death.  The author then warns A.J. Simon that the next character to die in the book is based on him.  Then they get stuck in an elevator together, and A.J. asks how his character dies, and is told electrocution, right before live, sparking wires drop from the ceiling of the elevator, and the claustrophobia and electricity were way too much for me as a child watching this alone in the dark, so I turned it off.

Here's the reason I'm pissed off.  I saw it again 20 years later and I thought I really wanted to know how it actually turned out now that I was significantly less frightened of electricity and fictional stories in general.  Some of the idiocy of the plot was more apparent, like for instance a guy wearing the signature black gloves of all 70s-80s TV murderers while in the bottom of a pool full of people.  What I missed was Rick and A.J. cleverly escaping the elevator deathtrap, figuring out who the killer was, and showing up at his house to confront him, finding the killer having breakfast on his luxurious back terrace.  Within moments, A.J. and Rick are hiding in the house and the guy's prowling around it with a flamethrower firing burning jellied gasoline at them, and all over his house.  If that wasn't a sufficiently idiotic climax, it turns out to all be a dream that A.J. was having as he fell asleep at his desk after dealing with some banal matter for the author of the book.  20 years was a lot of build-up for something I remembered as a little kid when I was too young and impressionable to know how stupid TV was in the 80s (Michael Mann excepted), so it had to be a bit of a letdown no matter what, but my god, I felt dumber just for having seen that.  And so should anybody who actually took the time to read this.

Argentina v Mexico

After the last match day was so lifeless and Sweden couldn't get it up for an elimination game, I really needed a game to prove the second half of the tournament wasn't going to be completely devoted to unmotivated underdogs and sleepwalking favorites. To me anyways, this was a great game that could have gone for either team all the way to the end of overtime.

Mexico was up for the game and dangerous right from the whistle, and had at least one nice chance less than two minutes in. In the sixth minute, Castro was taken down near the sideline in a tackle by Mascherano that I thought at the time was really stupid, but I got used to that, seeing a boneheaded play with #8 from Argentina right in the middle of it. I just doubted Castro was going to do anything too alarming out there, but the free kick by Pardo was flicked to the back post by Mendez's header, where Gabriel Heinze blew his assignment, misreading where the ball was going and moving to help out on Borgetti. Instead, the ball continued on to the now wide-open Rafael Marquez, who fired it over the keeper into the roof of the net to put Mexico up early. I think Heinze being a tool was something else I kept noting.

Supposedly the easiest time to screw up is right after you score, and like a minute later an Argentine player was taken out 20 yards from the box, but the ref played advantage until the Argentine player who had the ball got chopped down too. The resulting free kick deflected off the wall and over the end-line for a corner, which got headed over the end-line... three straight set pieces really isn't a good thing. The next corner went to Hernan Crespo, marked by Jared Borgetti, and it's 50/50 whether the ball went off Borgetti's head or Crespo's shin, but it went into the back of the net.

Heinze tried to close out the first half in an interesting way as well by taking a short kick from his keeper and watching it dribble over his foot, oblivious to anything that might be going on. Much like Ghana's first goal against the US, it got stolen, but this time the Mexican player was taken down hard. That could have been a straight red card and a penalty for taking down a guy with a clear path to goal, but the free kick Mexico got went off the wall. Mexico definitely wasn't getting a call unless it was clear-cut, though, in contrast to the tight calls that the old-timers have been complaining about.

In the second half, another theme emerged, Juan Sorin kicking people above the waist, like when he kicked Borgetti in the face in front of goal. Borgetti's sitting there spitting out teeth, but the Swiss ref ignored it. Borgetti did do a fair bit of whining about being hit in the face as the game went on, and played for penalties a bit much, but you know, he did get hit in the face a lot. When Roberto Ayala did some weird "you have a spider on your head" thing slapping Rafa Marquez's head on a corner, that may have been a little much.

Argentina didn't show a lot of creativity offensively, compared to their earlier games, and later in the game they started bringing on the kids, Tevez and Messi. It wasn't until the end of the game when they started connecting around the box, after a period of taking the whole defense on themselves, then looking for the pass and having nobody there, to finally having it all come together. They could have wrapped it up in regulation on a nice play, to Aimar who was played onside by a player on the far side of the field, and then to Messi who was even with the defenders and then behind the ball until Aimar passed it to him, but apparently the linesman's seeing eye dog was barking at a squirrel or something and he blew the call. Seriously, I don't mind 50/50 calls going the wrong way, but it annoys me when it's clear where the error came from, not watching the whole field, and it's not 50/50, it's close offside calls always going to the defense when they're supposed to go to the attackers.

Anyways, 8 minutes into extra time, Sorin crossed the ball to Maxi Rodriguez with tons of space at the far corner of the penalty box, and Rodriguez took the ball off his chest and let it come down for a left foot volley into the far corner of the goal. There was absolutely nothing to do about a shot that perfect other than not let him get it off, so once it was in the air it was too late, this rainbow flying over the whole defense and dipping down just under the bar.

Mexico and Argentina both took some nice shots after that, but the 2-1 score held up and Argentina advances to the quarterfinal against Germany. I really would like to see the Albiceleste rolling when they get there, because that could be a hell of an atmosphere. Rodriguez and Crespo both have three goals for Argentina, if anybody's keeping track of Argentine national team bragging rights. The yellow cards for Sorin and Heinze might be an issue later in the tournament, but somehow given Argentina's reported depth I doubt it.

Argentina 2-1 Mexico
'6 Marquez
'10 Crespo
'98 Rodriguez

Tomorrow: England v Ecuador and Portugal v Netherlands

Australia v Croatia

This is a little late, but good lord what a strange game. I can't believe Croatia played the game they did against Brazil then played the way they did against Japan and Australia.

Dario Srna's free kick in the second minute was a pretty beautiful shot, over the corner of the wall and curving back into the corner of the goal, staying out of the keeper's reach. An early lead looked great for Croatia to take control of their destiny. It looked like a great game... but unfortunately, this game had Graham Poll as a referee.

I swear I thought Poll was famous in England for being an idiot who ruined games, so I was surprised they sent him to Germany. He did help the Croatians out a few minutes in when Mark Viduka was tackled in the box, and I actually mean tackled in an American or Aussie Rules football sense of the word: two arms wrapped around him from behind and dragged to the ground. No need to interrupt the flow of the game for that, I guess, so no obvious penalty shot for Australia. I thought Harry Kewell was going to help out the Croats too by trying to make a name for himself taking them all on at once, but he got a clue at some point. His nicest shot was one that the keeper got behind but couldn't hold on to because of the power Kewell put on it, but nobody stepped up for Australia to play the rebound.

In the 38th minute, Poll found his whistle when he had two fouls in the box to call, Cahill getting mugged by Croatia and a clear handball. Moore sent the keeper the wrong way and scored the penalty for Australia, to tie things up. Not every handball in the box resulted in a whistle, though, Poll really missed a lot of the action. He did send off Brett Emerton for yet another handball late in the game, so this game really was looking out of control as far as players respecting the rules (or the ref). Eventually Dario Simic and Josep Simunic would both be sent off for Croatia, so we got another ridiculous 9 on 10 game with an inept ref. The classic thing is Simunic was sent off after getting his 3rd yellow card of the game. Why he was on the field with two I have no idea. This is a reason to root for England, because refs from countries that do well can't ref the later stages of the tournament, hence the smiling ref from the UAE and Anders Frisk of Sweden getting a lot of games late in tournaments.

In the second half, Croatia scored when Aussie keeper, Kalac, just absolutely blew a shot by Nico Kovac, letting the ball roll up over him and into the goal. This really fueled an ongoing controversy over Guus Hiddink's choice to start Kalac over Mark Schwarzer in goal, because Kalac looked terrible many, many times in this game, even if this was the piece de resistance.

Australia's second goal was nice, both Kewell and Viduka were offside. Kewell took the shot, Viduka was right in front of the keeper, so really either one could have warranted the offside flag. Kewell was borderline, and Viduka could conceivably have been called passive offside, but that's a lot of maybes for the goal that sent Croatia home. Actually there was one more goal for Australia, but Poll blew the whistle to end the game while Australia had the ball in their opponent's box and a player was taking a shot, which really capped off the case for him being completely out of his mind.

Australia advances to play Italy in the 2nd round, Brazil plays Ghana, and Croatia and Japan go home.

Australia 2-2 Croatia
'2 Srna
'38 Moore (pen)
'57 Kovac
'79 Kewell

Red Cards: Simunic, Simic, Emerton

Brazil 4 - 1 Japan
'34 Tamada
'45 Ronaldo
'53 Juninho
'60 Gilberto
'81 Ronaldo

I have no idea how Japan took an early lead or how this game went, but apparently Ronaldo has tied Gerd Muller for most goals scored in the history of the world cup, passing along the way Pele and Just Fontaine.

Germany v Sweden

This game was over in a hurry, and I was hoping for something out of Sweden. I mean Ibrahimovic was back with his nutty acrobatic moves, and they hadn't set the world afire or played to their potential yet. I don't know if their hotel only offered lasagna through room service, Coldplay as the elevator music, and the Da Vinci Code on pay-per-view or something, and they couldn't shake off the coma, but they certainly didn't have much today.

Four minutes in, Ballack slipped a ball through into the box for Klose, which the Swedish keeper Isaksson came out for and knocked away, but Podolski put the loose ball into the back of the net, after deflecting it off a Swede's head. It would be a long day for Ballack, Podolski, and Klose having acres of space. In the 12th minute, Klose, moving across the top of the box, drew three defenders to him and dropped the ball off to Podolski who passed him moving the other way, and Podolski put Germany up 2-0.

The first twenty minutes were like watching Barcelona v ABN AMRO CDO or something, and the rest of the game seemed devoted to Ballack pounding away at the Swedish goal, trying to get himself on the scoreboard since the game was effectively over. Lucic got tossed for Sweden in the first half, and the only memorable Swedish attack consisted of Larsson milking a foul into a PK and then putting it into row ZZ. I suppose Sweden's elimination game was against England, if they couldn't get motivated for the whole 90 minutes of that game with elimination, playing Germany in Munich, an early meeting with Argentina, and for god's sake pride at stake, then they should have just gone home and let Trinidad play Germany.

And there is still nobody named Noo-ville who plays for Germany.

Germany 2-0 Sweden
'4 Podolski
'12 Podolski

Red Card: Lucic '35

Second Round

Just in case you weren't keeping track, here's one side of the draw, feeding into one semi-final, with today's games included:

A1	Germany  2
B2	Sweden  0	QF1
		Germany
		Argentina
C1	Argentina  2
D2	Mexico  1		SF1
			GER / ARG
			ITA / AUS / SWI / UKR
E1	Italy
F2	Australia	QF2
		ITA / AUS
		SWI / UKR
G1	Switzerland
H2	Ukraine

And here's the other side of the draw, feeding into the other semi-final:

B1	England
A2	Ecuador	QF3
		ENG / ECU
		POR / NED
D1	Portugal
C2	Netherlands		SF2
			ENG / ECU / POR / NED
			BRA / GHA / ESP / FRA
F1	Brazil
E2	Ghana
		BRA / GHA
		ESP / FRA
H1	Spain
G2	France

Here are the final rankings for all the teams that didn't make it:

17    Korea
18    Paraguay
19    Cote d'Ivoire
20    Czech Republic
21    Poland
22    Croatia
23    Angola
24    Tunisia
25T  Iran
25T  United States
27    Trinidad & Tobago
28T  Japan
28T  Saudi Arabia
30    Togo
31    Costa Rica
32    Serbia & Montenegro

Just glad to see a European team finish dead last so the internet will be deathly silent about who finished last in the whole recurring "Europe should send most of the teams" argument.

And here's the current Golden Boot leaders:

Klose  4
Crespo  3
Podolski  3
Rodriguez  3
Torres  3
9 with 2

Group H

I don't know how much there is to say about a game where the Ukraine squeaked past Tunisia when the Carthage Eagles were denied a penalty kick that could have gotten them a draw. Spain replaced all eleven starters for their game against Saudi Arabia, and won with the reserves. Not exactly a strong finish for a weird group. Spain and the Ukraine both advance, to play France and Switzerland, respectively. God only knows how they'll play, since the Ukraine has been awfully inconsistent and Spain has a long history of not showing up for big games.

Ukraine 1-0 Tunisia
'70 Shevchenko (pen)

Spain 1-0 Saudi Arabia
'36 Juanito

France v Togo

Henry's goal in the 14th minute should have stood if the linesmen actually knew the rules. Frank Ribery plays a ball past the defenders, and an onside David Trezeguet goes past them to play it. Thierry Henry moves with Trezeguet, and is past the defenders on the other side, and Trezeguet passes to Henry... who is behind the defenders but even with the ball. Henry puts the ball past the keeper for what should have been a goal, because anybody behind the ball is onside, regardless of where the defenders are. This is the second huge robbery of France after the goal the Korean keeper grabbed against his body while two feet behind the line. If this happened to the Italians or the English we'd never hear the end of it.

35 minutes in the linesmen still haven't decided to watch the game. They seem to be figuring that all players move at the same speed, so anybody who gets behind the defense must have had a head start. Henry is called offside again, because he's fast and was played onside by a Togolese defender on the other side of the field. I seriously don't know where they found these guys. Somebody get Pierluigi Collina out of that desert in Nevada where he's eating tourists, and back out onto the field. To be fair, in the 50th minute, yet another mysterious offside call went against Togo. I have no idea how they fucked that one up, but this crew will probably get the final now.

In 39th minute, it seemed clear France still couldn't score. Makelele took a long shot that was too hard for Agassa to hang onto, and Trezeguet came in for the rebound, but fired the rebound right at the keeper, who still couldn't grab it, and that rebound nearly dribbled over the line before Agassa jumped and smothered it with his body. They look a lot sharper with Zidane suspended, and the ball moving a lot quicker between Ribery, Henry, and Trezeguet. Henry does seem to be taking some weird final touches on the ball and missing the goal from point blank range.

Finally, in the 55th minute, Ribery takes the ball into the box, moving left and drawing two defenders and the keeper, while Patrick Vieira moves behind him. Ribery makes a short pass to Vieira who makes the quick turn and the shot into the corner, knowing the keeper can't come all the way back across the goal from where he was watching Ribery. In the 61st minute, Vieira flicks a header to Henry at the penalty spot, who slides right, turns and fires across the goal to the left post, and France is up 2-0.

Barthez tried to keep things interesting by diving to save a shot that was going wide, and handling it as it crossed the line to give Togo a corner kick (seriously, all he had to do was watch), but it was all over after that point. With a Swiss win over Korea, France advances to play Spain in the next round, while Switzerland meets the Ukraine (and my god will that game suck based on their other games).

Quick note to ESPN, raving about how the name "Michel Platini" rolls off the tongue is kind of stupid when you're pronouncing it wrong. Here's my Platini pronunciation guide: if he were Italian, the stress would go on the second syllable, making it Plah-TEEN-ee, and that's how ESPN keeps gently rolling it off their tongues. Since he's French, it's the inverse, PLAH-tih-NEE. The Jose+11 commercial where he appears runs 800 times a day for god's sake.

France 2-0 Togo
'55 Vieira
'61 Henry

Switzerland 2-0 South Korea
'24 Senderos
'77 Frei

USA v Ghana

The US crashing out of the cup and the character of these last day games and some of the ridiculous calls by referees really drained a lot of energy, and I've fallen quite a bit behind reviewing this stuff. But here was the US line-up for the Ghana game:

Keller

Bocanegra
Onyewu
Conrad
Cherundolo

Lewis
Beasley
Reyna
Donovan
Dempsey

McBride

Really I have no idea why McBride has to play all the time because he was good for a few weeks four years ago. He was invisible again today. Donovan's mouth seems to have completely overtaken his game, and he looks a lot worse for having failed in Europe and decided he won't play outside California anymore. Beasley there's some question as to whether this team's tactics and situation have really hindered his game, but at least he and Dempsey showed something today, and don't get me started on Onyewu or chasing Brad Friedel out of the US program. Or Ben Olsen.

The biggest "what the fuck was that" moment for me was Reyna, back with the defenders, last man to the goal, holding the ball like a statue looking for somebody he could distribute it to rather than clearing it. Apparently he has no peripheral vision, because Haminu Draman came in from his right, stole the ball and somehow injured Reyna at the same time. Draman then had only Keller to beat and scored. Ben Olsen had to come on a bit later for Reyna. Eight years ago Olsen was a fixture for our national team after coming up through DC United, and played for a second flight English team, but he hasn't been part of the national team for years that I knew of. I didn't take it as a good sign that he was playing at this level, and it obviously indicates that John O'Brian is hurt. Again.

In the 43rd minute, a Beasley pass is intercepted but muddled by Ghana's midfielders, so a streaking Beasley takes the ball back and bursts through. Getting out front on the left, he crossed the ball to the right side where Clint Dempsey was coming around the outside of the Ghanaian back line, and Dempsey pounded it into the back of the net. Perfect ball, hitting Dempsey in stride, so his first touch put it into the net. His goal dance left something to be desired, but Dempsey scored in a World Cup, so he can dance however he wants.

One of the most debated calls came just before halftime when Razak Pimpong beat Oguchi Onyewu for position on a cross, so Onyewu fouled him in the box. Onyewu had an arm wrapped around Pimpong, who fell while throwing the arm off of him, and Onyewu has been repeatedly warned about excessive use of his hands on attackers, so frankly I wasn't all that surprised that Ghana was awarded a penalty kick, which Appiah scored to tie the game going into the locker room at halftime.

Meanwhile the Czechs were down to ten men and down by one against Italy, so the US was getting everything they needed from the other game. The US had needed an Italian win in addition to a win over Ghana.

In the second half, Eddie Johnson came on for Cherundolo, who was probably playing the best out of all our defenders, kind of a strange decision. We brought on even more attackers, with Bobby Convey coming in for Eddie Lewis, but it didn't help too much. McBride did put a header off the post, our best offensive play of the tournament besides Dempsey's goal. Donovan taking free kicks and corners when he couldn't get them on target or into play was certainly helpful, as was the 90th minute shot by Olsen where he missed the ball entirely. 4th place is a fair result for the way this team played and the caliber of their opposition. Perhaps a better choice of personnel and better use of the players could have helped, but that's for the next coach to decide.

This game offered some more evidence for the total cluelessness of the world's linesmen, when three US players were offside, and the linesman put up his flag... and the ball went to Donovan who wasn't offside, while the other three moved back on, so they didn't interfere with the play. Do they even know that a player has to affect play somehow?

And how about putting some spikes in those cleats? The US was slipping and sliding all over the field the whole game, especially in front of goal. Holland and Portugal play here next, so good luck to them.

Italy advances to play Australia, and Ghana plays Brazil, while the US and the Czechs are eliminated.

Ghana 2-1 United States
'22 Draman
'43 Dempsey
'45+ Appiah (pen)

Italy 2-0 Czech Republic
'26 Materazzi
'87 Inzaghi

Noteworthy aftermath of the US-Italy game, Pablo Mastroeni is suspended for three games, which basically means two years from now he'll miss the first three games of the semi-final round of qualifying for South Africa 2010. and Daniele De Rossi for four games, which means De Rossi is officially finished for this World Cup. The Italian FA had requested that he be sent home voluntarily for his pointless attack on McBride, which was classy of them even if they couldn't enforce it, so I'm glad to see FIFA follow through for them.

Golden Boot & Last Place

Why a person would have this information at their disposal I don't know, but here's the somewhat early Golden Boot standings:

Klose Germany 4
Torres Spain 3
9 tied with 2

(Arjen Robben still just has the one goal against Serbia, and a long way to go.)

Zaccardo should have the edge in the own-goal Golden Boot race:
Gamarra Paraguay 1
Sancho Trinidad 1
Zaccardo Italy 1

And here's the leaderboard for last place:

Team (points / goal diferential / goals scored)
Togo 0pts -3 1
Costa Rica 0pts -6 3
Serbia & Montenegro 0pts -8 2

Only Togo can overtake Serbia, and they'd need to lose to France 5-0, or 7-1, or worse.

Netherlands v Argentina

This is the 8th meeting between these teams, and I do think it's interesting that the only time the Dutch lost was the final in '78. But as the 17th century Amsterdam philosopher Baruch Spinoza wrote shortly before his death in 1676 without ever seeing the Dutch win a World Cup, "De speel voetbal met twee handen rond uw keel is zeer moeilijk." (Curiously, Spinoza's syntax is often accused of sounding like he ran his work through babelfish.)

A few bench players got the start today for Holland, and 19 year old Ryan Babel coming in for Van Kneestillsore was another new face. I wasn't sure at first if leaving out Arjen Robben was an attempt to rest him for the second round or an attempt to improve Holland's anemic offense by not playing a ballhog. Based on the complete lack of energy Holland showed, I think it's pretty clear that it was the former.

Van der Sar
De Cler
Jaliens
Ooijer
Boulahrouz

Cocu
Sneijder (Maduro '86)
Van der Vaart

Van Persie (Landzaat '67)
Van Nistelrooij (Babel '56)
Kuijt

Organized into a sleepy 4-3-3 with a lot of lasagna stains on their uniforms. In the 83rd minute, as Babel was in a tough spot with two defenders at the just inside the corner of the penalty box, the narcolepsy hit him so hard he just slumped to the ground without warning. The referee stopped the game while the Argentine defenders, literally trying not to laugh at how pathetic a dive attempt that was, lifted him back on his feet. His one big shot had a nice narcolepsy bobble while he, wide open with loads of time, sat and watched a defender close on him, then couldn't get around the guy and plunked a shot off of him.

The most dangerous free kicks the Dutch took were equally uninspired. First Van Persie and then Van der Vaart couldn't shake off the lasagna coma long enough to get the ball on target, both sailed a mile wide. The defenders weren't so bad, and Argentina didn't do anything too creative to challenge them, although the point where Riquelme was calmly dribbling around the box with 4 Oranje defenders stumbling after him, and nobody could get the ball away was a little alarming. It was more alarming that Riquelme couldn't find anything to do with it since nobody made a run.

Okay then, coffee enemas all around before the Portugal game, boys, and for the love of god, lay off the lasagna. Seriously I think Van der Sar could have gotten pneumonia and bedsores being idle for that long.

Netherlands 0-0 Argentina
Portugal v Netherlands - Sunday at 2pm from Nuremburg
Argentina v Mexico - Saturday at 2pm from Leipzig

Apparently the offensively challenged Serbs finally got out of their own half and took a 2-0 lead against Cote d'Ivoire, which would have moved them out of last place for the tournament, but then they blew that giving up three goals and two penalties, and they've got an iron grip on it. I only care because the four years of hearing about the US' last place finish in France'98 were very tough on a person as thin-skinned as I am, and if Costa Rica finished dead last it sparks more arguments about how Finland or Moldova or whatever European team would have dramatically increased the quality of the tournament if they'd had Costa Rica's spot. Don't anybody undercut my hyperbole by pointing out that the next qualifier from Europe would have been one of Norway, Slovakia, or Turkey, and not Moldova.

Cote d'Ivoire 3-2 Serbia & Montenegro
'10 Zigic
'20 Ilic
'37 Dindane (pen)
'67 Dindane
'85 Kalou (pen)

Portugal v Mexico

Portugal came in leading the group, needing only a draw to be sure of winning outright, while Mexico a potential, if not exactly terrifyingly likely, risk of losing second place to Angola. Realistically Angola had to win 3-0, or Portugal had to mop the floor with Mexico. So they just played boring, shitty football, which blended in nicely with the other three games (other than maybe the second half of England-Sweden). I didn't watch the Angola game (thanks to the cheating Germans in '82 the third game of every group is played simultaneously) but it looked like they really went for the win, even if they came up short. The chances of not making it were slim, and the prize for first is playing Holland so it may be hard to get motivated, but I'm really just a bit annoyed by four straight games of sleepy football.

Portuguese midfielders kept getting great chances coming forward, including Maniche's wide-open shot in the 6th minute, and I have absolutely no idea what Marquez was thinking when he really obviously reached over his head on a corner kick. On the resulting penalty, Simao stepped up and hesitated, freezing the keeper, and then fired past him to put Portugal up 2-0.

Mexico did briefly look pissed off and dangerous after that, and a long free kick into the box led to a header for Marquez, who flicked the ball to the far post, but Bravo's shot was tipped over the bar. Fonseca headed the corner perfectly into the far post side netting, with two Mexicans waiting to clean it up if he went wide. That was kind of it though. In the second half Bravo got a penalty shot when Miguel, falling over, stuck a hand out to catch himself and hit the ball instead, but he put it way over the bar.

What really stood out, again, came when Luis Perez was tossed in the second half for his second yellow. He was called for diving, and pursued the ref halfway across the field protesting, making contact with the ref several times. That's two violations that could get him a card, for diving and for dissent. Nevertheless, we got treated to five minutes of the party line from ESPN that the refs shouldn't enforce the rules in any noticeable way that inconveniences anybody. The fact that FIFA is blindingly obviously trying to change the culture of the game and using their one high profile event to do it is completely lost on these people who are protesting that it isn't like the old days. All defenders, too... it's Harkes and Balboa whining on TV, invoking Franz Beckenbauer's statements that he's upset about all the yellow cards. Meanwhile the fans are bored with kicking and shirt-pulling, diving for free kick and set pieces are the only way to score, and the world's best players aren't on the field because their legs keep getting broken. FIFA's doing the right thing, and if the big leagues in Europe follow their lead it would be good for the long-term health of the game. If players don't expect to be penalized, a culture of cheating flourishes when there are 28 cameras covering the game, so the fans see everything the officials don't call. The video circulating of Crouch pulling on a defender's dreads to get over him for a header should prove that fans not only see this stuff, but don't consider it a healthy part of the game. Just my opinion, anyways.

Portugal 2-1 Mexico
'6 Maniche
'23 Simao (pen)
'29 Fonseca

Angola 1-1 Iran
'60 Flavio
'75 Bakhtiarizadeh

England v Sweden

In the first minute of this game, Michael Owen's knee buckled under him and he had to crawl off the field. Peter Crouch came in for him, which I would think would be England's best partnership up front. They certainly looked a lot sharper once Rooney came in against Trinidad. This also does mean Crouch is England's only healthy striker.

The Swedes set the tone for the first half when Owen crawled off the field, by not pushing up and taking advantage of England being down a man for 3-4 minutes before they took Owen away for an MRI and sent in Crouch. The Swedes didn't really show up to play until the opening of the second half. The second round can't come fast enough if this is how teams are going to close out the group stage, figuring they're 75% sure where they'll end up so why bother. At least the rest of the groups have a meaningful game left, although Ukraine v Tunisia could be two teams hitting the snooze button until the cab comes to pick up Tunisia to take them to the airport.

On the plus side, England's first goal was pretty cool. Joe Cole takes a really long shot, from way out, that looks like it's going into row ZZ, and like an optical illusion or something it drops enough to go under the bar. Isaksson got a hand on it when he realized it was coming down but not enough to tip it over the bar. It was just a perfect shot, unless you're Brazilian in which case it was a lucky fluke (like Ronaldinho's winner against England in 2002 that they didn't stop whining about for at least two years).

In the second half, the Swedes came to play, and came out on a tear to start the second half. On a Swedish free kick, Marcus Allback shook off Beckham coming across the 6 yard box and flicked a header to the far post where it glanced off the top of Ashley Cole and into the roof of the net. On the replay you can see Beckham lazily fall behind Allback and hurriedly wipe incriminating traces of lasagna from his mouth when Allback scores. That was the 2000th goal scored in the World Cup. The same play nearly scored on a free kick from the other side three minutes later, but Robinson slapped this one over the bar. Olof Mellberg put a shot off the crossbar on another set piece two minutes later, and England just looked terrible and disorganized on all these free kicks and corners. That really can't bode well. At some point during this frenzy of corner kicks England took off Ali G and put in Sol Campbell, I don't know if that made any difference, and everybody went back to sleep for a half hour.

England pulled ahead in the 85th minute when Sweden really broke down, giving Joe Cole way too much time to set up a cross and leaving Steven Gerrard unattended on the back post for the open header. Henrik Larsson tied it back up in the 90th minute on a header from a throw-in to preserve Sweden's 38 year unbeaten streak against England, but I don't know that anybody really wanted to win this game. Fortunately for Sweden, they got the draw and Trinidad blew it against Paraguay to give them some insurance, but god, I wish there was a bye for group winners or free coffee and hookers or something to wake these guys up for the last game.

Sweden 2-2 England
'34 J. Cole
'50 Allback
'85 Gerrard
'90 Larsson

Paraguay 2-0 Trinidad & Tobago
'25 Sancho (o.g.)
'86 Cuevas

(Of the three goals scored by Paraguay and Trinidad players in this tournament, two were on their own #&@$'ing nets.)

England will now avoid Germany until the final, sparing us the horrible taste shown by English fans, who apparently have no associations for Germany other than a war they didn't live through (some of them did, obviously, but I'm referring to David Beckham hiring WWII fighters to fly over his World Cup party and all the idiots taking inflatable spitfires to Germany, where doing something like that is considered glorifying the deaths of millions in the war and the holocaust). I have an uncle who fought in the pacific, and knew many guys in the navy who were insanely racist towards asians all their lives because of serving in that war, but I'd be ashamed to tell him I was going to Japan for a World Cup carrying an inflatable Enola Gay. I don't know why this is annoying me so much, but it's probably because both the US and Britain are in the middle of a war and dealing with the aftermath of terrorism, so "My grandparents were good at killing yours!" seems like a really dumb thing to say at a fucking game. Maybe England's next game can be moved to Dresden if they really want to rub it in. I'm sure I do the same thing, but I'm using the Ian Wright exception and claiming it's not hypocrisy when I do it.

England plays Ecuador on Sunday, and the winner plays the winner of Portugal vs Holland. Sweden plays Germany on Saturday, with the winner playing the winner of Argentina vs Mexico, although I have a fair fucking clue who that's going to be.

I think this is by far the most disturbing image to come out of this world cup.

Germany v Ecuador, Race for Dead Last

While I can't claim to be an expert on Ecuador's player pool, supposedly they came out with a pretty weak line-up for this game. Ecuador had already qualified for the second round, and the second place finisher may have an easier quarterfinal, so it wasn't like there was a lot to play for. Ecuador came out sluggish, and really didn't look threatening for most of the game.

Miroslav Klose took charge of the golden boot race with two first half goals through a very disorganized Ecuadorean defense. In the second half on Podolski's goal, Mora practically just watched it go past him into the net, and the Ecuadorean defender playing the cross did a great job. Way too far away to put any pressure on Schneider, but in perfect position to let Podolski get ahead of his defender without being offside.

Germany 3-0 Ecuador
'4 Klose
'44 Klose
'57 Podolski

And in the race for dead last in the tournament:

Poland 2-1 Costa Rica
'24 Gomez
'33 Bosacki
'66 Bosacki

Costa Rica making up some ground on Serbia, who are currently still dead last. Contending for that spot, all with zero points:

Team +/- Goals
Cote d'Ivoire -2 2
Togo -3 1
Iran -4 1
Costa Rica* -6 3
Serbia -7 0

Everybody but Costa Rica has a game to play and can move up (or down), and get off this list by getting a draw or better. The marquee match-up for incompetence is Cote d'Ivoire against Serbia & Montenegro tomorrow, ball-hogging versus not getting out of your own half.

Friday Implications

FREITAG
9am
Saudi Arabia v Spain
Ukraine v Tunisia

The Ukraine has a shot at displacing Spain if the Saudis win and the Ukraine beats Tunisia by like at least 5 goals. So basically the Ukraine game is to insure that they make the second round. A draw for the Ukraine finishes off Tunisia and would require the Saudis to beat Spain by 5 goals to displace the Ukraine. Really the risk is a win by Tunisia puts them in the second round. Barring something ridiculous, Spain will probably head to Hanover, and the Ukraine or Tunisia to Cologne.

2pm
Togo v France
Switzerland v Korea

I wrote this whole mess up, but really, whoever loses is going home, along with Togo. If Korea draws, they have to become the world's biggest Togo supporters or they're screwed, and France had better be looking to win big. Winner goes to Cologne to meet the Ukraine (or Tunisia), second place to Hanover to play Spain.

Tunisia v Spain

Eight minutes in, Ziad Jaziri running downfield shakes one defender off of him, takes the rest of the defenders down with him into the six yard box, turns around and comes back, still fighting off three guys, and chips the ball across the box to Mnari arriving out of midfield. Casillas saves Mnari's first shot, but Mnari is the only one to follow the rebound, and pounds it past Casillas to take an early lead for Tunisia. God I was laughing my ass off at that, given how built-up Spain is in the media every tournament. They're everybody's favorite dark horse, but they always melt down at some point. It's hard to play football with two hands around your throat. Spain's talent will probably still win them this game, because it Tunisia couldn't put away Saudi Arabia they're not going to put away Spain, but I can't help but enjoy seeing the Carthage Eagles put a goal like that past them. Supposedly there's a major issue in that for much of the Spanish team, there is no such thing as "Spain" they all want to bring home a trophy to, because most of them think of themselves as coming from Valencia, Catalunya, Euskadi, etc. Anyways, it's just a theory I've heard.

Apparently according to Spanish coach Luis Araagones, Spanish striker was not on the bench because he's an overrated player who goes missing in big matches for Real Madrid and Spain. In fact, he just didn't particularly want to play in a world cup. Well, apparently they coaxed him out onto the field in the second half of this game, because he came on as a sub to score the equalizer for Spain. In the 71st minute a pass across the top of the box by Joaquin, and a step-over by Torres left the ball with Xavi Alonso, who took a weak shot across the ground. The Tunisian keeper gave up a huge rebound, which was a huge mistake, and Raul, following up on the play got to it first and banged it into the net.

The Tunisian keeper really was the difference, and five minutes later Fernando Torres gets a bit ahead of the defense on a long pass, and the keeper comes way out to the corner of the box to contest it, whereupon Torres, who looked like he was positioning himself to hold the ball up to wait for teammates, just fires it past him into the empty net. Torres came up with a third goal in stoppage time when he was hauled down in the box for a penalty. The keeper got to the shot as well, but knocked it down underneath himself without slowing it down, so Torres scored. On Tunisia's only real chance to tie things back up, they had about 4 guys offside, and still got a player booked for dissent for arguing the call.

But what I want to know is what the deal was with the guy waving the confederate flag in the Spanish supporters' section after the third goal? Andalusia shall rise again?

Spain 3-1 Tunisia
'8 Mnari
'71 Raul
'76 Torres
'90 Torres

Ukraine v Saudi Arabia

I really thought the Ukraine's 0-4 complete annihilation by Spain might come back to haunt them, but Tunisia's struggling to a draw against the Saudis helped, and so did this game. Other than at about the hour mark when the Saudis went on a real offensive spree, they looked pretty well outclassed by the Ukraine.

Defender Andriy Rusol scored early for the Ukraine on the receiving end of a set piece, and it looked like things might get interesting after that. Teams are usually a little disorganized and vulnerable after scoring a goal, kind of like the brief male post-coital coma, so there was some awfully shaky marking by the Ukraine on a set piece at the other end. Rusol also came close to scoring an own goal on a shot that deflected off his shin 20 minutes later, but generally speaking the Ukraine's defense was pretty solid. Rusol had the perfect tackle in the penalty area in the second half, sliding and knocking the ball away from Omar then pulling his legs back so abruptly to avoid the foul and a penalty. So well done that Omar, when he tried to stretch his leg out and make contact with Rusol before falling down, couldn't reach at full extension, and tripping over a piece of dirt three feet to his right got him a yellow card for diving.

Sergei Rebrov, back from the Land of the Dead (or maybe it was just Tottenham) kept it going with one of those long shots that's in the back of the net before anybody realizes he's taken it or where it's going, and the keeper has to just watch it rattle the net on the far side. It was looking like 3-0 when a Saudi defender tried to make a bicycle kick clearance on a ball intended for Andrii Shevchenko, unfortunately his clearance went right to a wide open (and probably surprised) Andriy Voronin who put it wide. The Saudis committed what I thought was a really pointless foul out at the sideline in stoppage time, and Shevchenko finished off the half with a header off the free kick.

The Ukraine's defense got back in on the action late, in the 84th minute Shevchenko, pulling the whole defense and the keeper towards him him like a magnet, cut a ball back for Maxim Kalinichenko, who put it in the top of the net as the keeper vainly tried to dive back across the goal. Really nice looking stuff from the Ukraine, and nice to see the defenders, who really could use a boost of confidence after the thrashing by Spain, score two goals.

Apparently only Italy and Saudi Arabia use only players from their domestic leagues, something that's often commented on by Italians who go abroad, that you can't make the national team even if you play for a huge club in Spain or England. The Saudis have the issue England has had, where English players were so considered so valuable by English clubs that there were cheaper alternatives. The Saudis apparently make so much in Saudi Arabia that there's nobody willing to offer enough to lure them away. I kind of wonder if that puts a ceiling on player development, like Landon Donovan only playing in California, but hey who knows.

Ukraine 4-0 Saudi Arabia
'3 Rusol
'45 Shevchenko
'36 Rebrov
'84 Kalinichenko

Brief Implications for This Week's Games

DIENSTAG
9am (US Central)
Costa Rica v Poland
Germany v Ecuador

The Poland-Costa Rica game has no implications whatsoever outside Costa Rica and Poland. I guess the city of Hanover might have an interest in a calm, uncontroversial Poland win, since they'll have a huge number of Polish fans in the city. The big game is in Berlin, though, and Germany needs an outright win to take the group. Both teams advance anyways, and their opponents won't be decided until around 4pm. The draw doesn't dramatically improve either way. Winner goes to Munich, loser to Stuttgart.

2pm
England v Sweden
Paraguay v Trinidad & Tobago

Again, the Paraguay game is for last place, with Trinidad needing only a draw to finish third and give the finger to everybody who said they shouldn't be at the tournament. England v Sweden decides who plays Germany and who plays Ecuador, and thanks to a little help from Trinidad, England only needs a draw to finish first. Winner goes to Stuttgart, loser to Munich.

MITTWOCH
9am
Portugal v Mexico
Iran v Angola

Angola has an outside shot of taking second in this group, but they need to beat Iran to do it, and they need Mexico to lose, and they need to make up a few of goals on top of it. Mexico can also take 1st away from Portugal with a win. Whoever finishes on top goes to Nuremburg, and second place to Leipzig.

2pm
Holland v Argentina
Cote d'Ivoire v Serbia

The CIV-SCG game is possibly for dead last in the tournament, since Serbia has a two goal lead on dead last, and owns the tiebreaker. The Holland-Argentina game is for the group lead, and because of the 6-0 thumping Argentina put on Serbia, the Dutch need to win outright. BTW, what a disapointing Group of Death, the worst record in the tournament might come out of this group and it was all over after two matches. Winner goes to Leipzig, loser to Nuremburg.

DONNERSTAG
9am
Czech Republic v Italy
USA v Ghana

God only knows how this will all shake out in the Diet Coke of Death (just one calorie), the only team that can't win it is the US. Winner goes to Kaiserslautern, second place goes to Dortmund, and trust me, you don't want to go to Dortmund (see below).

2pm
Brazil v Japan
Australia v Croatia

I'm totally looking forward to Australia facing the country that provides a third of their players (by ancestry, they didn't have a yard sale in Split or something). The Croats need to win outright to stay alive, and even that may not help. Brazil can win the group with a draw, Australia can clinch second with a win (or first if the Japanese go nuts and wax Brazil by 3 goals or something), the Croats and the Japanese both need wins to pass up the Australians for second. Realistically, Brazil will go to Dortmund, and the winner of Australia v Croatia will go to Kaiserslautern.

So to the person most likely to call me everyday and ask this stuff, here you go. I'll get to Friday when I finish watching Spain v Tunisia, so go get an ottoman or something.

Group G - SUI, KOR, FRA

I forgot to summarize what happens on day three for Group G (not that anybody would have noticed that omission). The short version is: win on Friday or you're probably fucked.

Group G Standings:
Switzerland 4pts 2-0
South Korea 4 pts 3-2
France 2pts 1-1
Togo 0pts 1-4

Togo was eliminated by their loss to Switzerland, but Switzerland, South Korea, or France can all easily finish first, second, or third. On Friday, France plays Togo, and Switzerland plays South Korea.

The simple outcomes:

If France loses to Togo, they are eliminated. South Korea would need a win to win the group, Switzerland needs a win or a draw.

If France beats Togo, the winner of the Switzerland-Korea game wins the group, and France takes second.

The complicated one:

Switzerland draws with Korea, and France beats Togo, so everybody is tied on 5 points. Starting with the lowest scoring way (0-0, 1-0) it works out like this:

1. Switzerland - goal differential +2, min goals scored 2
2. Korea - goal differential +1, min goals scored 3
3. France - min goal differential +1, min goals scored 2

To move up, France can a) win big, b) score a lot of goals, or c) a combination of both. Here are the possibilities, and who finishes first and second:

1) France wins by 3 - FRA. SUI

2) France wins by 2

2a) France wins by 2 and Switzerland scores as many goals as France (in a high scoring draw) - SUI, FRA

2b) France wins by two and outscores Switzerland by 2 on the day - FRA, SUI

2c) France wins by 2, scoring one more goal than Switzerland - coin toss between FRA and SUI for 1st

3) France wins by 1

3a) France wins by one, outscores Korea on the day by 2 (2-1 and 0-0, 4-3 and 2-2, etc.) - SUI, FRA

3b) France wins by one, and outscores Korea on the day by less than two goals (1-0 and 0-0, or 3-2 and 2-2) - SUI, KOR

So basically anybody who doesn't win is looking at elimination by France, and a higher scoring draw is a potential 3-way tie-breaker versus France for both Korea and Switzerland. A win may do it for France, but every goal they put in the back of the net is a potential 3-way tiebreaker.

(BTW, there can't be a perfect three way tie since Korea and Switzerland can't have the same goal differential, so no need to go to the "throw out the results against Togo" tie-breaker subsection, thank the lord. Head to head is irrelevant because only teams that drew against each other can tie.)

Switzerland v Togo

I can't say I was glued to my screen for this game, since I really doubted Togo was going anywhere this tournament, and the Swiss just annoy me. Togo's first game was overshadowed by players skipping practice, and the coach quitting and coming back just before the game, and the run-up to this one wasn't any more stable. The players threatened to not show up for the game unless their outrageous demands for compensation were met by the Togolese FA, until FIFA stepped in to mediate somehow. (I wouldn't put it past FIFA to have sent Michel Platini in with a suitcase of cash.) The US had the same problem between our players and the FA, but it was settled before qualifying started.

Anyways, the Swiss took control with a cross from Magnin to Tranquillo Barnetta on the far post, who squared it back to Alexander Frei for the goal. I keep wanting to call Alexander Frei "Sebastian", which makes me wonder, what ever happened to Sebastian Frey? Especially since France could really use a keeper who causes fewer spikes in the heart attack rate in the Republic of France.

The big play from this game though was the clear penalty that should have gone to Emmanuel Adebayor in the 35th minute. Adebayor was neck and neck with Patrick Mueller going into the box on the left, and then Adebayor cuts back and Mueller overruns him. With his back turned and Adebayor about to put him on the highlight reel, Mueller sticks his leg straight out behind him, tripping Adebayor. No call. Certainly a dickhead move by Mueller, though.

The rest of the game, the Togolese were too slow in hitting back at the Swiss, allowing them to get organized on defense, and really showed some serious offensive breakdowns in keeping the ball moving versus going for individual glory, which is becoming a cliche for the Africans. In the 88th minute, Tranquillo Barnetta ices it for Switzerland with a long shot on a decidedly quicker counterattack.

Just in case Mueller and the game against France hadn't convinced the world what a bunch of jackasses die Eidgennossen were, in stoppage time Johann Vogel is called for a foul, grabs the ball and starts walking away like he thinks he's some spoiled kid in the park, to keep the Togolese from taking the kick and waste time. That got him a yellow card for the whole 5 seconds he shaved off the clock with a 2-0 lead. Out of a population of 7.5 million they couldn't find 23 guys who weren't assholes? "2006 - It's Swiss O'Clock!" just means it's just time for the Ukraine to take out the trash.

Switzerland 2-0 Togo
'16 Frei
'88 Barnetta

France v Korea

France 1-1 Korea
'9 Henry
'81 Park

Henry finally broke the "drought" for France, who hadn't scored in four world cup games going back to 2002. A bit much is being made of this, listing their last goal as Petit's back in the final in '98. Since then France competed in two Euros, winning one, and scored a few times along the way. They do still seem oddly toothless, which hurt them today. As did the goal that the keeper stopped while standing at least a foot on the far side of the goal line, that would have put France up 2-0.

The French goal was set up by Sylvain Wiltord fighitng off Korean defenders at the top of the box and chipping the ball into the box for an onrushing Thierry Henry, who awkwardly controls it, between two defenders who give him a lot of space, and taps it past the keeper. Wiltord was making things happen for France offensively, and even though he annoys me for being so mediocre in his time at Arsenal, I was surprised when he got subbed out an hour in for Frank Ribery, who wasn't too great against Switzerland.

Late in the game, Fabian Barthez showed why he's a questionable first choice goalkeeper, as he flapped at a cross, which was headed down by Cho Jae Jin for Park Ji Sung, who chips it over the keeper from close range, along the goal line. Barthez slaps it without slowing it down or knocking it over the bar, and as it comes down, Gallas seems to just watch it barely cross the line before getting to the post. Mystere et boule de gomme.

Zidane gets a yellow card in the 85th minute so he can't play against Togo, making this potentially his last game for France. Here's my theory, though. Spain looks likely to take group H, and the most likely runner-up is the Ukraine. France always has huge problems with the Ukraine, so I think they're angling for second place to avoid them.

Brazil v Australia; Croatia v Japan

Much as I like to see Australia in the World Cup, something we should see more of now that they're qualifying out of Asia, I have trouble getting excited about a half-speed Brazil team that can coast to the knock-out rounds. To me, if Ronaldo is still playing, Brazil can't be serious. It sounds like he's on the field so he can try to get three more goals and break Gerd Muller's all-time World Cup scoring record. The gigantic whiff he took on the ball in his only real scoring chance today before being subbed for Robinho may put that to bed, though, as well as Robinho and Adriano both scoring in this game, although Robinho was really just finishing off a goal for Fred.

I was also really impressed by Croatia playing a tough game against Brazil until I saw how unable to put anything away they were against Japan, and how close Australia came to taking points off Brazil as well. Well, the Brazil-Croatia game was pretty cool, but the rest of this group has been a little rough. I have no idea why Harry Kewell came in as a sub in the second half, nearly scoring after like 5 seconds... actually that play said a lot. Dida came out for a bad clearance by Roberto Carlos, fired straight up in the air in the box, only to have Mark Viduka stake out the ground like a fireplug. The ball came down on a wrestling Dida and Viduka, and Kewell streaked in to fire it at an empty net, but had more adrenaline than sense on the shot and put it nowhere near the goal. Just disappointing, somehow. Unless Kewell has been injured, he's been far and away Australia's biggest talent of the past few years, but he has to wait an hour before going into the game against Brazil? Maybe there's something I don't know there.

Croatia against Japan was also a little disappointing, although I may just be burning out on too many World Cup games in too few days, with the phone constantly ringing with more scores, questions, strange observations about the caller's penis, etc. The Croats couldn't put anything away, including a penalty where the player faked a shot left, put the ball perfectly in the right hand corner, but totally failed to fool the keeper. Maybe it's like Belgium, who always found ways to hang in and frustrate the better teams in the world, but sucked against mediocre teams that didn't give them anything to play off of. Japan is failing to bring the best out of these teams.

In any case, Brazil is into the second round, almost certainly as group winner, and Croatia needs a win over Australia to make the second round. I'm assuming Japan doesn't come up with a huge win over Brazil.

Brazil 2-0 Australia
'49 Adriano
'91 Robinho

Croatia 0-0 Japan

Brazil 6 pts 3-0
Australia 3pts 3-3
Croatia 1pt 0-1
Japan 1pt 1-3

US Prospects

Here are the standings:

Italy 4pts 3-1
Czech Republic 3pts 3-2
Ghana 3pts 2-2
USA 1pt 1-3

Here's the official list of tie-breakers if two teams are tied on points:

a) goal differential
b) goals scored
c) head-to head result
d) coin toss

So as you can see, keeping the margin close and scoring even when you lose (instead of giving up on your opening game and losing 3-0) are fairly critical, this isn't best two out of three women's tennis. The US cannot win the group, but can finish second and advance to the playoffs. In order to do so, they must win their final game against Ghana. One of the following conditions must also be satisfied:

1. Italy defeats Czech Republic (US wins on points)

2. Italy draws with Czech Republic, and:

a) US beats Ghana by 4 goals (US wins on goal differential)

b) US beats Ghana by 3 goals and scores 3 more goals than Czech Republic does against Italy (US wins on goals scored)
(ITA 0-0 CZE, USA 3-0 GHA; or ITA 2-2 CZE, USA 5-2 GHA, etc.)

3. Czech Republic defeats Italy, and:

a) the combined margins of victory total 6 or more, e.g. CZE 3-0
ITA, USA 3-0 GHA (US wins on goal differential)

b) the combined margin of victory equals 5, and the US scores 3 more goals than Italy (US wins on goals scored) (CZE 3-0 ITA, USA 3-1 GHA, etc.)

c) the combined margin of victory equals 5, and the US scores 2 more goals than Italy, and the US wins the coin toss (CZE 3-0 ITA, USA 2-0, heads; CZE 3-2 ITA, USA 4-0 GHA, tails, etc.)

This should make it clear why I said there's no shame in losing to the Czechs, but the margin of victory was going to eliminate us. US advancement now requires effectively requires Italy to beat the Czechs outright when out of all 32 teams the Italians are the team most likely to play for a draw in this situation. Even a loss gets them to the second round, and a draw lets them avoid Brazil. The problem is the Ghanaians and Czechs are on the verge of elimination, the Czechs have something to prove, and the only thing we have going for us is the Italians have to be mighty pissed off about their last game and not happy about the prospect of meeting Brazil early.

Basically unless Italy wins (highly possible) or the US blows out Ghana 5-0 (unlikely) or Italy has a total meltdown against the Czechs and loses 5-0 (never happening) we're going home.

USA v Italy

Some changes in the line-up, but still some questionable decisions. The US came out in a 4-1-4-1:

Keller

Bocanegra
Onyewu
Pope
Cherundolo

Mastroeni

Convey
Donovan
Reyna
Dempsey

McBride

In discussing his line-up Arena said people overrate the importance of team formations. Arsene Wenger has basically espoused a similar philosophy with Arsenal, claiming it only really matters on defense, so this penis-like lineup with a flying wedge of attacking midfielders and Brian McBride at the tip looked interesting. Not so interesting, starting Brian McBride. He did well four years ago of receiving and holding the ball up top to start a lot of US attacks, but he hasn't gotten service in this world cup, and about the only time I ever noticed him on the field was when he stood offsides like a moron to deny Beasley's goal. When the game was 10 on 9 with huge amounts of space and the US having to sit back and hit on the break, leaving the lumbering McBride in with Eddie Johnson and Josh Wolff on the bench was also a bit weird.

I wondered about Clint Dempsey, despite how highly many US fans seem to think of him, and early on he made one of those plays that made me wonder if he was in over his head. Reyna played a ball out to him on the wing, and he just stood there and watched it go over the line 10-20 yards ahead of him. Reyna obviously wasn't going to just plunk the ball right at him, and put it into space, leading Dempsey. He did take a cracking shot a minute later, so I'm actually not going to knock him yet. He at least wasn't in the Damarcus Beasley lasagna coma.

The ref made his presence felt quite a few times in this game, most notably in giving out three red cards, with resulting chaos. I really wondered if Andrea Pirlo's sister (who I'm sure is a fine woman) was blowing him in the tunnel before the game when two US players got booted for tackling Pirlo. Eddie Pope had it coming, since he got a yellow for taking a guy down to the ground with a hand on the back of his neck, without looking at the ball. It was clear the ref wasn't going to put up with that, and Pope was fouling all game before his foul on Pirlo was apparently the last straw. The red card on Mastroeni, he came in late but got a bit of ball with one leg, but extended the other to take out Pirlo's back ankle, so I assumed at the time the ref (right behind Pirlo) saw that as an intentional, studs-up attempt to hurt Pirlo, and not just follow-through. Now I just think Pirlo's sister (who I'm sure is a fine woman) can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

I have no idea what lunacy went into Reyna's positioning on the Italian goal. On a free kick Andrea Pirlo bent the ball around the US defense, and Gilardino on the near side streaked past Reyna, who stopped and put his hand up to indicate the offside violation. Which was kind of pointless since the other US defenders were all way closer to goal marking other Italian attackers. So Gialardino dives for the header and puts Italy ahead. A couple minutes later, Reyna goes down fairly easily on the touchline on a challenge from Cannavaro. Zaccardo and the resulting free kick goes past everybody to Cristian Zaccardo, who attempts to volley it clear but instead knocks it off his shin into the goal. Oops.

So basically a lot of people bounced back in this game. Right after a couple dumb plays Reyna and Dempsey both were out creating scoring opportunities. RunDMB put the lasagna fork down and came in with a lot of energy late in the game, really putting pressure on the Italians. Even McBride accomplished something, going in for a header but not putting his arms up to protect himself, which occasionally means he has to leave the game with a giant bruise on his face. In this case, Daniele de Rossi smacked him across the face when beaten to a header, and De Rossi got to take an early shower thanks to a card-happy ref.

Also helping to balance out the strange red cards, when RunDMB reached up over his head to smack the ball 10 feet from the ref and got nothing worse than a free kick called, presumably because the ref didn't want to put the US down to eight men. Other nicely balanced calls, Italy had a goal called back for a ridiculously early offside whistle, when a player was offside but there was no pass, just a shot well over his head. Without the whistle, Keller may have saved it, since he did ignore it once the flag went up, who knows. But the US had a goal with an offside player not interacting with the ball, but arguably blocking the keeper's view. I'll call that even (even if it wasn't).

The big problem is getting a central defender and defensive midfielder suspended due to red cards, when both would have started against Ghana. And the ref making a perfectly fun game into a complete joke. I went to the zoo after the game and strangled a zebra, which made me feel a lot better. Actually that may have been a Footlocker.

USA 1-1 Italy
'23 Gilardino
'27 Zaccardo (o.g.)

Red Cards: Mastroeni, Pope, De Rossi

Czech Republic v Ghana

My cable was screwed up, so I missed the first half, and I have no idea how Ghana took a lead. I tuned in just in time for the Nedved header with two Czech players offside. Nedved was borderline, but Lokvenc gets offside and stays there, and Nedved is a yard away, so it would be hard to ignore the borderline call and also call Lokvenc's offside passive. Some seriously questionable moves by the Czech central defenders trying to handle Ghana's strikers, who did still hold a fair bit to the unfortunate trend of the premier African teams in this tournament to try to break down opposing defenses by themselves. The Czechs seem to have spent half the game offside as well.

What looked like a turning point was Amoah being tripped from behind in the box, which was an awfully stupid play. The Czech defender would have been a lot better off if he'd covered the far post and picked up anybody making a run, rather than pulling a move that could only get him kicked out of the game. It was a tackle from behind on a guy with a clear path to the goal, and that's I assume why Ujfalusi got a red card, something that ESPN couldn't quite figure out, announcing he'd been given a red card for arguing with the referee. Amoah put the penalty in the back of the net, but the ref was too busy dicking around with Ufjalusi and the red card to notice, so it had to be retaken, and Cech saved the retake. It was quite a day for referees.

Later in the game, Ghana started to show some better passing in the last third, and created some better opportunities. That really stands out as the next big hurdle for the higher rated African teams, who have gotten much better organized at the back and developed some incredible talent up front, but can't get their attackers to pass to each other. It's tempting to speculate on how the less selfish appearing Angolan and Togolese teams pulled off shock upsets in qualifying. Endless dribbling and quick shots from distance really led to a lot of poor chances for Ghana. In any case, in the 82nd minute better passing paid off as Muntari iced the game with a second goal.

Also critical, the game ended with a Czech free kick that led to a brilliant save by Richard Kingston, and another nice save on the resulting corner, which ended the game. Preserving that 2-0 lead may be critical to Ghana in trying to make the second round. Hear that, America? Playing to the whistle against the Czechs is a good idea.

Ghana 2-0 Czech Republic
'2 Gyan
'82 Muntari

Red Card: #21 ('65)

Portugal v Iran

I had a hard time getting excited about this one, since it seemed likely to be a lopsided game between two teams I really wasn't too excited about seeing. Plus the picture on my cable was pretty terrible this morning apparently, so there's lines all over everything, so I just fast-forwarded through the first hour of this. I'm surprised Portugal didn't get off to a better start.

Deco's goal from Figo in the 63rd minute was the kind of thing that shows the lopsided nature of this game, as an unmarked Deco fired a strong shot through several defenders, doing nothing but blocking the keeper's view. The Iranian keeper doesn't even react until it's too late. I didn't think Mexico looked too good but they put three in the back of Iran's net.

A really stupid penalty in the 78th minute, a really late tackle chopping down Luis Figo just inside the corner of the penalty area. It was a clear penalty, but what a stupid defensive play, when Figo's not in a dangerous position and has nobody making a run. The worst part is it allowed that little brat Cristiano Ronaldo to score. He sent Mirzapour right and hooked it left, to put Portugal up 2-0. The thing is Ronaldo spent the whole game trying to beat the whole team by himself (who does he think he is, Arjen Robben?) and that shit just gets really annoying to watch, especially at this level.

Things are looking up for Holland if there's nobody really stepping up in this group, if the Oranje get their heads out of their asses for their second round game. The loss eliminates Iran, and secures a spot in the second round for Portugal, who haven't made it that far since Eusebio led them there in 1966. The Portuguese need a draw against Mexico to secure first place, which probably means avoiding Argentina, although it would be really funny if they won the grup and the draw gave them Argentina, Ecuador, and Brazil in the next three rounds.

Portugal 2-0 Iran
'63 Deco
'78 C. Ronaldo (pen)

Group D
Portugal 6pts 3-0
Mexico 4pts 3-1
Angola 1pt 0-1
Iran 0pts 1-5

NAVTEQ v LaSalle Bank CDO Dept

Really what stood out the most in this game was not so much the speed LaSalle had out on the right wing, but that their right winger wasn't wearing any pants. There was a baby carrot and a couple of blueberries flapping around every time he made a run. If he'd had proper service or an athletic supporter of some kind, this game might have turned out differently.

NAVTEQ 0-0 LaSalle Bank CDO Dept

Mexico v Angola

I really only half watched this game, because while Angola won me over in their game against Portugal, I thought Mexico looked pretty mediocre against Iran, and Angola did look pretty raw. I did catch out of the corner of my eye Joao Ricardo making a lot of saves, and a really stupid handball putting Angola down to 10 men in the 79th minute. Nicely done by Angola to hold on for a draw and get some points in their first World Cup, a feat 5 teams have failed to pull off so far out of the 14 that have played two games.

Mexico 0-0 Angola
Red Card: Andre ('79)

Golden Boot and 2nd Round qualifiers

Just a quick summary now that some things are settled:

Qualified for the second round:
Germany
Ecuador
England
Argentina
Holland
Friesland
Gelderland

Eliminated:
Costa Rica
Poland
Paraguay
Cote d'Ivoire
Serbia
Montenegro

For the Golden Boot, it's unsurprisingly a 9-way tie for first:

Bravo Mexico 2
Cahill Australia 2
Crespo Argentina 2
David Villa Spain 2
Delgado Ecuador 2
Klose Germany 2
Rodriguez Argentina 2
Rosicky Czech Republic 2
Tenorio (C.) Ecuador 2
Wanchope Costa Rica 2

(Arjen Robben does have 180 more minutes coming his way and obviously wants to move up out of 10th place.)

Netherlands v Cote d'Ivoire

I guess Holland lost the coin toss, and had to wear the day-glo orange uniforms, while Cote d'Ivoire got to wear something tasteful, even though they looked better in their orange uniforms than the Dutch. (No offense intended to the Dutch and Ivorian fans, Lisa Ann's bag of oranges, or Lindsay Lohan's orange pussy.)

Didier Drogba put his signature on the game, with an uncalled handball, a yellow card for kicking Dutch keeper Edwin Van der Sar on the ground, and generally being a stupid ballhog ((c) 2006 Arjen Robben, all rights reserved). Because of the card, his World Cup is already over, since he'll be missing the Serbia game on Wednesday. Best Drogba ballhog moment: 42nd minute, Drogba gets a clear breakaway and has Arouna Kone streaking downfield on the right side, with only Giovanni van Bronckhorst and Van der Sar in goal ahead of them. Drogba has his head down heading for the goal when he spots van Bronckhorst hauling ass trying to get to him. He clearly decides he's going to beat GvB himself because he doesn't make the obvious pass into space ahead of Kone. When karma asserts itself and GvB catches him, Drogba's pass is blocked by GvB and Cote d'Ivoire blow an easy chance to tie up the game.

Cote d'Ivoire did score earlier when Johnny Heitinga couldn't keep up with Bakary Kone dribbling across the top of the box (exhibit one in the case for Johnny Heitinga being a worthless stiff) and so gave up and figured somebody else would chase him, but in a rare moment of defensive befuddlement, Kone got free of everybody long enough to set himself up for a shot, and by the time anybody closed it was too late. Cote d'Ivoire did create some serious danger for Holland at several more points in the game, with some shaky defending, requiring things like Robin van Persie running back into goal and chesting a ball off the line when Van der Sar's defense hung him out to dry trying to clear the aftermath of a corner kick in the 77th minute.

The Dutch goals showed some cause for alarm, the first coming in the 23rd minute when Robin van Persie at the top right corner of the penalty box looks up for Heitinga running into the box, but has to hold the ball up because Heitinga is offside. Heitinga gives this frustrated shrug and stands there offside like a moron (exhibit two) so RvP tries to dribble through traffic and gets brought down hard. RvP hits the resulting free kick like he shot it out of a cannon around the wall and past the keeper who doesn't react until it's already too late. Van Persie kicked ass all around today, actually.

The second Dutch goal was set up by the individual creativity of Arjen Robben drawing the whole defense to him, and what I presume was the Foot of God reaching down into Robben and making him pass the ball, something which obviously wouldn't have happened otherwise. He passed it to Ruud van Kneestillsore, who was well behind the only defenders near him and Robben, but played onside by Kone way on the other side of the field. Other than that bit of luck, RvN is offside on that goal, and I could be wrong but I doubt he was looking over at Kone to judge if he was onside or not. In other words both goals featured a big dumbass standing offside. To say nothing of Robben, when he got into trouble and the defenders were all on him, passing to Johnny Heitinga who promptly made a one-touch pass right back to Robben who had like 4 guys around him (exhibit 3). Robben dribbled out of it and then made the pass to the offside Van Kneestillsore so it all worked out in the end, but what the hell was that pass? I did that once in a game, taking a pass back from midfield from Declan Mumford and then unhelpfully passing it right back to him... he didn't say anything but I think his expression might have conveyed, "Do you think this may be why nobody ever passes to you?"

Actually it may have been Marco van Bommel (in the situation with Robben, there was only one Dutch player on my high school team and he wasn't an international). Anyways, I still say Heitinga was still making a lot of boneheaded moves, and obviously Marco van Basten agreed because he didn't play the second half. Not that his replacement, Khalid Boulahrouz, didn't make his fair share of boneheaded moves. The best boneheaded move though came in like in the final seconds when the ref was looking at his watch and any clearance by Holland would mean the end of the game, and Van Bommel dicks around by the sideline instead of clearing the ball, loses it and has to foul and give up a free kick in a dangerous area, up one goal with seconds to go. Fortunately the kick went nowhere near the goal, but Holland is really looking at much tougher opposition from here on out.

Hopefully Robben has seen the value of passing, from his assist or from Drogba's cautionary example, or Marc Overmars or Boudewijn Zenden will have to get on a plane. Okay, Van der Vaart or somebody would probably come in, but I prefer the solution of tracking down Marc Overmars off cooking pancakes somewhere and slapping some cleats on him. I would also hope that the Dutch players would stop training for the Oliver Neuville Charity Offside Race being held after the tournament and start looking at the last defender. They may need some serious scoring to keep up with Argentina.

On a positive note, the most successful Oranje coach since Rinus Michels in the 80s was Guus Hiddink for getting a bitterly fractured team to come together and make a very serious challenge for the World Cup in 1998. Marco van Basten has definitely got one thing down, and that's the Guus Hiddink permanent scowl. All you get when you score a goal for this team is the scowl with a thumbs-up. That scowl took teams to the semis in the previous two World Cups, and there can't be an Australia-Netherlands scowl on scowl match-up until at least the semis, and probably the final, so I think things are looking good.

Holland* 2-1 Cote d'Ivoire
'23 Van Persie
'27 Van Kneestillsore
'38 B. Kone

*-Calling the Netherlands "Holland" could be considered an example of synecdoche (a form of figurative language), and therefore aesthetic rather than ignorant, when made on the basis of the flow of prose. READ A BOOK.