On Bikes and Pedicabs

I like the initiative behind providing free (sort of) bikes in Minneapolis, to try and make the place that much more liveable and get a few more cars off the roads. I can't say whether it will work and be sustainable, but after examining the pros and cons, I'm definitely a huge fan. And considering that the majority of the installation costs are paid and the machines seem to be solar powered, I would think it wouldn't take too much in fees to justify maintaining the system, although I wonder where they'll store all those bikes.But here's what I like about them:

The Last Mile
I don't know how many of the target market of downtown commuters will jump on these bikes, but it is great as an easy option to make a couple stops without having to walk miles in between or the achingly slow and disconnected mess that is our public transit system. Plus you don't have to sit next to that guy on the #14 line who just bought a new machete to cut people's hands off with (of all the people to accidentally make eye contact with, I just had to pick him). The frustration of transit does make me wish the system was expanded just a bit more, with a bike rental stand at each LRT station so you could hop the train to the right neighborhood and then take a bike to the Seward Co-op, the Smitten Kitten, Chris and Rob's or your favorite not quite on the transit map destination. It's much cheaper to add a bike kiosk to an under-served intersection than to re-route a bus line, and that's why I think it's a cool last mile solution. (Technically there's actually nothing stopping me from using my own bike for this purpose, but read on.)


It's much harder for me to lose one
This is probably the biggest reason why this system works so well for me, a person who constantly forgets where I left things. For instance, I'll run down to my garage to head to the store and find it's missing... because I parked it at the Guthrie two days ago, forgot it was in the lot and then walked home. Or the time(s) the garage door wouldn't open so I left it in guest parking and had to essentially buy it back from the impound lot (cash only and so expensive I thought about just letting them keep the car). Keep in mind, that's a licensed, insured vehicle weighing several thousand pounds with an alarm system that's valuable enough that I never totally forget where I left it. If I left my cheap bike anywhere that long it'd be much more likely to be stolen and the worst part is I'd never be entirely sure it was really gone because I'd never remember which bike rack I chained it to. I'd have to wander the earth looking for it like Oedipus, symbolically castrated by the removal of the giant spinning contraption between my legs. I also get tired of theft-proofing my car every time I drive anywhere, having to try and hide every bag or power cord lest some idiot think I must have left something worth stealing and smash my windows. Once I return the bike, it's not even mine.

Like a hooker, you don't have to take it home afterwards*
Or so I'm told. A friend of mine (if you knew him you probably know who I'm talking about) had some stories about the awkwardness of getting a streetwalker back out of your car. One of the things I hate about driving is having to drag my car behind me everywhere, and find a new parking spot at every destination or finish my trip by tracking back to the beginning where I left it. I like being able to change my plans, and if it's pouring down rain, I like that I can take the train or cut through the skyways and avoid hauling my own bike home through puddles. Or just get really drunk without worrying about accidentally swerving down a ravine and into the Mississippi River, because I think going through the falls would really mess up my bike.


It's cheap
The first time I used one I was planning to take my bike to work, but then discovered the handlebars were facing the wrong way and the whole thing was filthy. I didn't really have time to run upstairs for my tools and fix it (one of the reasons I bike is it's about as fast as driving when I'm running late) and in any case I'm not so wild about the old, crusty rubber brake pads that moan and stutter when I try to slow down, plus I also have no lights on my bike and head home from work at midnight in all black (either that or my Intelligent Homosexual shirt which is still the best uniform ever). So I had to admit, $60 for a 365 day subscription was probably cheaper than tuning up my old, long-disused bike and let me avoid the risk of snotty bike shop employees.
I should apologize, that is a bit paranoid. I've met great people in bike shops from here to Massachusetts and gotten great service, but those businesses do seem to cyclically attract clusters of people who resent dealing with the common folk to support their passion, especially when whatever they love has gotten trendy amongst yuppies with money and attitude. I still remember the icy stare and eye roll I got for questioning the fit of a pair of boots at Midwest Mountaineering back in the early 90's, but fortunately even they seem to have embraced customer service now that the wilderness craze is over and everybody's into taking spin classes... see why I don't want to go into a bike shop?

It really is a nice ride
It's a pretty basic bike with three gears, and unless you're like me and always forget to adjust the seat until you start riding and have to fiddle with it at the next stoplight, it's a fairly comfortable ride. This is more than I can say for my old bike's seat, which applied this strong genital nerve pinch that it left my penis numb for about 5-10 minutes after riding it. (Probably more information than anybody required.) But perhaps my favorite thing about these bikes is the clean and tamper-proof design that hides the brake lines and the gears, and it's particularly delightful to not have an uncovered front gear snatching and tearing at the bottom of my pants (one other reason I didn't previously bike to work). Plus the low bars make it convenient for those occasions when I wear a dress (not many, but it happens).


The Big, Long Key
With a subscription, they give you a giant key which you slide all the way home into the slot before going for a ride. Chicks dig keys... it's a phallus/power thing. You may roll your eyes, but the other day when I ran into a man checking out bikes for him and his girlfriend and explaining to her how the system works, as soon as I wiggled my key in to the slot she turned her back on her boyfriend's plaintive explanations and bombarded me with questions about how I secured a bike so quickly, her eyes fixed on the long implement in my hand, and my other keys jangling below it. I'm not big on Freud (which ironically seems to be a girl thing) but consider every woman you've met with a giant keyring in her purse or a whole set jangling on a lanyard around her neck: clearly penis envy.


The Bell
I don't know if this is a pro or a con, honestly. On the one hand I'm incredibly embarrassed when I accidentally brush the hair trigger on this bell. I feel like a massive tool riding down the street ringing a bell on my bike. It makes me want to paint the thing pink and glittery, put a basket on the front and ride around in a sunflower dress***. And on the other hand, I'm even more embarrassed when I ring the bell intentionally (after checking to make sure no one's looking). Because having a bell on your bike is awesome, but still makes me feel like a tool.


So I'm completely sold on these bikes. And looking at the rack near my house, I'm clearly not the only one: on nice days in the morning there are almost no bikes left, but they all return by evening, as my neighbors are apparently all enjoying the virtue of commuter bikes. I can only hope this will prompt the city to add more bikes, and to add more racks at big destinations, but the pessimist in me thinks they'll shut down the system for being too popular to maintain.


On Pedicabs
After taking one home from Pride, I officially love the new pedicabs that have sprung up in Minneapolis. It's a nice way to travel, getting a smooth ride with fresh air around you and a toned young bicyclist rising up to meet the road in front of you, and I felt like the Emperor of Rome with people eying me in amusement being carted around by somebody else's sweat and tears. And it's nice to throw a few bucks to an entrepreneurial kid and save the earth at the same time for those occasions when my feet have had it or I don't want to walk 20 blocks in a suit.

There are a couple down-sides, like having to negotiate your own fee is a bit weird for me (others I know live to haggle) and I honestly can't figure out if you tip on top of that. Plus for that ride I could have gotten a real cab cheaper and they're a bit easier to call, although I'm not such a big fan of clueless Minnesota cabbies (“Oh yeah, lived here my whole life. No idea we had an airport.”) The most amusing disadvantage I discovered was my guilt-ridden travel companion who apologized every couple blocks for making our driver haul two huge, heavy people around town on a hot day. I did enjoy the kid hauling us for pointing out with a smile that a) he volunteered for the job and b) he'd charged us enough to make up for it.

So it comes down to this: if you're like me and you value the little things, like a nice ride through the city and the sense of Caligulan Decadence that comes from making another human being ferry you from place to place, it's a great way to travel. I only wish I knew how to catch one other than hoping they pass by, but if this continues to grow, I have to hope some entrepreneurial bike messenger company will branch out into dispatching pedicabs.



A couple brief notes:
*-Not that I would know, but I have a friend with amusing stories about trying to get hookers back out of his car. And if you know him, you probably know who I'm talking about. All I'm saying.
**-All I know is after he brought that tranny to a cocaine party in Singapore, he threw away the bicycle pump. You'd have to get the rest of the story from him.
***-Which I sometimes find necessary. Nothing cheered up a sick friend of mine more than the time I brought her food in my girlfriend's dress... I don't think she appreciated the food half as much as watching me try to figure out how to sit down gracefully. Also that time we went running around the Archdiocese naked singing “Help Me Rhonda” but that's a whole other story.